GlennRauch

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang! Sorry for making you all listen to this.

This is Comedy Bang-Bang, the comedy show where the two bangs in the name are for the two planes crashing into the World Trade Center on 9-11! I'm your host Sweat Joggerman.

Welcome to Comedy Bang-Bang! I'm your boat, Sconce Oscarman and I like candy! This week's catchphrase "I'm your boat, Sconce Oscarman and I like candy!" was posted to the Earwolf forums by Glenn Rauch from New York, thank you Glenn. Now before I bring in the guest today, I want to let everybody, everybody know... Excuse me. <clear throat> I want to let everybody know that I am the host of this show, and even though I let the listeners send in their little catchphrases and bullshit like that, I am the one who decides what gets said on this show. So I want to make it very clear that what I am about to say I what I absolutely 100% TRULY mean. I, Scott Aukerman, intend to hunt and kill my guests on the show for sport later this evening. First, we're going to record a lovely comedy program, we'll tell some jokes and enjoy each other's company. We're going to get to know each other a little bit, have a great time. But as soon as we're done recording, my associate Javier is waiting outside that door with a tranquilizer gun, and the guests will be heavily sedated and flown to my private island where they will be released into the jungle primeval, and myself and several of my other podcasting friends will hunt them for sport. Maron's gonna be there. Pardo. It's going to be a blast. Not for the guests though. They'll be killed. It's the most dangerous game, bitches.

Two men. One mic. Zero survivors. Negative one hot dogs. Negative two Sklar brothers. Negative three Paul F Tompkins characters. Negative four members of a string quartet. Negative five fingers on my nonexistent third hand. Negative six beers. Negative seven minutes in heaven. Negative eight sides of the titular MMA octagonal fighting cage, the Octagon. Aaaaaaaand negative nine eleven. This is Comedy bang bang! I'm a host... an host?... a host. An host. I'm an host, Ska Cha-Cha-Chalkerman.