BenNesvig

#minneapolis #nofilter http://t.co/QeCKlvAp

"Breakfast served all day." is the most beautiful sentence in the English language.

"I learned nothing in college. It was really kind of my own fault. I had a double major: psychology and reverse psychology." - B.J. Novak

"True change starts with changing ourselves. For everyone else, there's election day." - @PriscillaPWood

"We're not that different, you and I." - Every villain in every movie

"You don't have to know anything. You just have to know people. And once you know people, you know everything." - @AdamCarolla

“Nonsense, man! They couldn’t hit an elephant at this distance!” — U.S. General John B. Sedgwick, last words

“You need to learn to sing. Because if you don’t, you’re always going to be at the mercy of some asshole singer.” http://t.co/WVOmCy5i

12:12 12/12/12 http://t.co/JB1gXxgY

A beard is just a mustache in camouflage.

A lot of bumper stickers are being removed this weekend.

A time lapse video I made of myself making a stop-motion video: http://t.co/SOB96sjQ

An entire debate on foreign policy and the name "Jack Bauer" wasn't mentioned once? Ridiculous.

Are Jean Ralphio and Tom Haverford from Parks & Rec behind @INGDIRECT 's name change to CapitalOne360? http://t.co/03Mhu4Tg

Before buying a house, know the definition of "phantom costs."

Being that I've taken a photo of myself (almost) every day this year, I'm looking forward to this app. http://t.co/cRs0tDuy

Business people of Colorado: Here's a link to franchise a Taco Bell http://t.co/VAh74iVt

Buying a case for my iPhone feels like putting a burqa on a supermodel.

Chocolate cake hands coming in fast toward the camera. http://t.co/YEj2s8N0

Cooking is hard. My Union Square Zucchini looks like the "smokes 2 packs a day" version compared to the book. http://t.co/vUKSJRxc

Definition of "Dystopia": RT @Sarah_Ricard: I dream of a future where Dippin Dots are an ice cream of the past.

From my lips to @audible_com 's ears via @acx_com http://t.co/pP6fJrkS

Google Trend for "Who is running for president?" http://t.co/uTyWe0D7

Government should only allow people to purchase one lottery ticket per book they've read that year.

I don't get out of bed for less than 3 pieces of bacon.