Clem Dawg

Merry Christmas, HandbookHeads!!! Hayes and I love reading your posts every week. I don't think we would have continued making a podcast if this cool community didn't find it and connect to it. We really appreciate all the awesome stuff here like Burdrulz's shirts and Veebs's songs and Andy Kneis's old songs and The Classy Hobo's's great drawing and all the funny posts from everyone. And of course, the buttloads of cash we get from the good-looking commenters in the Pro Version forums don't hurt either. Heading to a big holiday party with them right now, so I gotta run. Thanks gang. #TeamHayes -Blenjamin

Update: Jake refused to answer most of these questions. Said they were beneath him. Let's try again. We record with Andy Daly next week. What have you always wanted to know but were afraid to ask Hayes to ask?

Jack fogelnest from the fogelnest fliers is our guest. Ask stuff

Good news: Hayes is out of surgery. They managed to even him out so he can still wear his Sevens For All Mankind, but it takes him almost 2 hours to get into them. Now for the bad news: about an hour ago he pulled out all his IVs, shook the orderlies, jumped on the back of a scooter driven by one of his Speed Dawgs and took off. He's not answering my texts and I think he is invisible on gchat. It's like he didn't learn anything.

hey gang, Hayes was doing a wicked wheelie on his moped this morning and fell off and busted open one of his butt implants. I'm at the hospital right now, and the doctors say it looks like he could possibly lose juiciness on one whole side of his body. It's a good reminder that even though some guys have literally ehrrrything you could ever dream of, we are all still just human beings and very fragile. I can't stop hearing the sound. It was like a SQUEEEEECHY, but also like KERPLEEEEP and you could hear the moped engine like GROMROMBROMBUNDUNDUN Will update when I know more.

We don't reward "behavior" on these forums. Money talks, bullshit walks, and chickenheads squawk if ya get my meaning. If Gelmania operated on some kind of behavior system, that's probably why that pod and its fans gotta cast their story walkin' while me and the Hayes-man dine out on our Pro Version card. spend dough like C-man and you can write whatever you want on here. Narnold's savin' his tips for a geek culture rant.

are you guys eatin turkey for thaknsgiving?

Submit your questions for... Ellie Kemper!

Frankie Muniz will be portrayed by Paul Rust. Please question accordingly.

you know what? maybe i did see it

wasn't able to catch Brooklyn 99 last night. Can one of you guys recap it for me? Tanks.

Please, tell me you don't think Hayes actually likes that show. He took that job as a joke. He was making fun of them.

Not really feelin' the forums this week. Might take my shit over to Bad Conversations with Geoff Garlic. See if the posters there "get" what my "thing" is. Nobody try to convince me to stay, okay? There's no point. Not even a really great post would change my mind at this point, so just leave it alone. Email Blenjamin if you need to get in touch with me ( BlenjaminBlutton@seanhayes.org.edu)

what kinds of candys are you guys hope 2 get?

What are some of you guys's costumes for haloween?

also, as far as hayes and I secretly hating everyone, i don't carry those kinds of feelings in my heart. i even love Chanson. After all, i AM Chanson, or at least half of him. i used to hate Engineer Cody, but now i just feel bad for him. He's like... he might really have something wrong like... upstairs, y'know what i mean, gang? One time i showed up early to the studio and i caught him eating a foam mic cover. he said he was just sniffing it or something, but he was holding a fork and knife. Who picks up a fork and knife if they just wanna sniff something? And why would he need to sniff a mic cover in the first place? And why would it be slathered in BBQ sauce? And why did he have on a bib that said "mic cover lover" with a cartoon of a drooling hound dog looking at a mic cover coming out of an oven!? i'm worried about him, you guys. Maybe we should all chip in to get him something. Just like a gesture. Let him know we care.

i miss Gelmania

Not familiar

Happy Birthday, Valerie. i love the sound of Hayes's laugh, too. That's why I crack his whole shit up on the daily. Thanks for all of the questions. We didn't get most of them prior to the interview but we will ask future guests about these important issues facing today's art-makers. If you have more Donald-specific questions that you'd like us to ask other TOTES RANDOM people, let us know.

Just wanted to jump in and offer a big thank you to whoever posted the 1 star review of our show on iTunes, I'm looking at you Toby Keith Sweat, and the "just as annoying as their last show" review was a nice touch. BUT... I feel like we can do even more to keep us underground. Let's tell our buddies not to like the Facebook page (trying to get that removed), let's pump up some of those MaxFun and Nerdist programs (I hear You Made It Weird is good), LET'S BURN SOUNDCLOUD TO THE GROUND! I believe in you guys, and that's why I ask so much of you. We're stronger than we even know. -Hayes

Hey y'all, Some of you probably noticed there was no new show up today. I'm sorry for lying. We did record a really great interview with a very exciting guest and the first episode will be out either next Tuesday or the one after. There are just a few boring technical things to figure out prior to the official launch and then we can start having fun again. Thanks for your patience. Can't wait to see you all on a shiny new forum very soon. -Hayes

Hey Gang, The forums have been so nice (according to Blenjamin. I haven't had time to read them). There will be no long wait for the new show. We are recording our first interview on Monday and hopefully the full episode should come out Tuesday. Feel free to leave any questions about the entertainment industry in this forum until the new forum gets set up. We are here to educate.

Hey gang, I just got off a Multi-Skype with Hayes's management team and it sounds like what he's saying is true. My management team has been dealing with some other (bigger) stuff this week, so they didn't wanna bother me, but they tell me that I am excited about this new direction for the show, and I don't think I care enough to disagree. The following is a prepared statement written by my 3rd assistant, Blenjamin: Mr. Clements appreciates all of the posts from the loyal RSS followers, and he has loved connecting with listeners over the past 38 episodes. He is hopeful that the relationship built between superstar host and no kind of star admirer was based less on reality shows (which a lot of people think are so stupid that they won't even check out one episode of a podcast about them), than on how cool and smart and funny and cool he seems. He also wants to make entirely sure that the format was the show's biggest hindrance and that it was not, as was often whispered on these forums, a general distatste for Hayes. The new show will be fun, and hopefully it will bring in all kinds of new forum friends so the threads easily reach hot status, en fuego status, and ultimately Habanero status. Our greatest wish is that a year from now you all abandon us and talk about how you listened to our old show back when we were ACTUALLY funny and less commercial, but that we can't hear you complaining because we have our cans turned all the way up and Grenier is just ON IT, just RIFFIN'

does anyone know if narnold did take his white knight shit back to 4chan? i wanna check but i got banned for calling Wes a fake jock guy

bad news guys. we just got word from the FCC that earwolf can't legally do a VPN with us. hayes was deemed "inappropriately arousing"