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wheelchair girl

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Posts posted by wheelchair girl

  1. Posted

    .aaaaand welcome back to the show. I have just done a huge Quant(pronounced cunt) Leap into prehistoric times and repaired a relationship with my good friend Barney, and then immediately tried to stop a stone car with my legs leaving me legless and thereby providing the necessary conditions that allow me to leap into my next adventure....well, I do not know for sure if its totally necessary but it always gets Ziggy's attention and it seems to be "time" to leap.

  3. Posted

    I have started another thread where people can submit quantum leap scenarios for future episodes and catchphrases, and you can submit yours there and I would love to take a look at them. My favououououourite so far is a QL where I "straddle the line between comfort and style". Ouch, sounds painful, LOL. I am going to live tweet this.

  4. Posted

    I think the black race started out "in jail" on the monopoly board, and there is a stigma attached to that, but make no bones about it, black is by far the superior race. If you look at their achievements in every cultural area of society, and consider that they represent 10% of the population, they are simply the best(tina turner song(black woman)). If you were to compare them to redheads, for example, who are also 10% of the population, the comparison would look like this:

     

    all-time top redheads v. all-time top blacks

    conan v. MLK

    ron howard v. Obama

    etc. the list goes on and on.

  5. Posted

    Jesse Ventura totally reminded me of one of my original origin stories as part of a secret government program to solve people's relationship problems. I could tell you the story, but it would take a real "QUANTUM LEAP" of faith. People are always asking me about all my adventures and how there is absolutely no coherent time line that could possibly tie them all together. From my 1969 ncaa tournament kevin ware type tragedy, to my attempt to become "cake person", lets take a look back at some of my favouououourite moments.

     

    ...//montage/...

     

    - lost legs through martial arts elongating my crack

    - lost legs through super bowl winning field goal

    - lost legs by dropping out of med school to be a stunt man, and hurt parents.

    - lost legs through wheelchair Segway company

    - lost legs as part of canadian winter sports toddler program

    - planking

    - lost legs through celebrity sperm bank company

    - turned my legs into cakes

    - lost legs through apple maxi pad mishap

    ..//montage//...

     

    In the next season of wheelchair girl you can see a jump cut sequence with images of 9/11, a wheelchair KKK, make-a-wish foundation mafia, and lots of drunk driving.

    • Like 2

  6. Posted

    ".........VACUUMS........" I kind of got the feeling Cody had to redact a long list of words before he got to vacuums, and then he flipped his curly bangs. Both of them on both sides of his head. He calls them bang bang's and he is forced to painstakingly edit hours of random sequence of words into cohesive sentences every show.

     

    there were numerous disappointing opportunities where they could have talked about their dreams. I do not think there will ever be another time where Neil Campbell will allow himself to be in such a vulnerable state of mind. He reminds me of myself when I was jean claude van dam's sidekick, and he actually called me 'sidekick' until he changed my name to scissors. My job was to kick all of the tallest henchmen in the head because he said my crack was the longest, and it allowed me to kick higher than anyone else.

    • Like 1

  7. Posted

    I think the Bill Clinton euphemisms are kind of a neat premise. Could you imagine a show called BLOWJOB ANALOGIES. It might get a little stale after awhile, and there are only so many blowjob jokes, and who really wants to think about blowjobs all the time or convince people that blowjobs are a cool thing, but that makes it kind of funny at the same time.

  9. Posted

     

    If you want a DMT episode, go listen to Joe Rogan's podcast.

     

    This episode is best of material.

     

    yes, this is what I am talking about. a lot of people have done this, and a lot of people have talked about how this would make a pretty cool podcast. I am not sure why scott would be holding back on this? It fits the format of the show pretty good. Also, I just saw that canada's comedy central has picked up the CBB tv show, and so a DMT episode would be the only way to keep the show anti-corporation in a lot of people's eyes. everyone wants to do DMT. just do it already, you guys.

  11. Posted

    whooooaw, you know you are watching a damn good tv show when your mind cannot have flashbacks for even a second without can kind of feeling like you might be missing something even though piecing together the tragic events that lead to you waking up at the superbowl with no legs and everyone screaming that you just kicked the winning field goal is kind of a priority,..but it'll have to wait. john hodgman and pft are a siamese dream.

  12. Posted

    WOOOOW, that was intense. Ray Allen receiving the pass off the offensive rebound with 7 seconds left and swishing the three to keep The Heat's(the movie) cross promotional dreams alive and allowing Paul Feig to feast on the tears of fans of White House Down.

  14. Posted

     

    please tell me those handi-caps have nothing to do with your username being "wheelchair girl"

     

    Oh, not at all. I am super racist against white people. I have to listen to every podcast multiple times to bypass all of my hatred. Although, tons of white people do seem to strangely always show up when I'm drunk driving, or trying to make bombs for Al-Qaeda, and plus my parents are white, and that would explain a lot.

    • Like 1

  15. Posted

    I am not ashamed to admit that due to some handi-caps, I was forced to listen to the show twice, and possibly three times, but I totally understand that this makes me a better person. I have not understood the show but when I do I am pretty sure Taran Killam is born for this podcast.

    • Like 1

  17. Posted

    this was such a funny podcast, and it wasn't just the interview stuff but there is laugh after laugh after laugh. there's all sorts of plot things and plot changes and it was not just a podcast about jokes, but there were cool relationships and its actually kind of about friendships.

     

    Seth Rogan has to be on the show again. He has a huge dick joke/pop culture encyclopedia.

    • Like 1

  19. Posted

    I loved the fully functional erotic cakes. They actually gave me an idea for something a little more risque involving a heart shaped cake that could save the life of your loved one who was in need of a heart transplant. I once got in an argument with Cake Boss over whether cake legs would be better than normal legs. Cake Boss continually pointed out that all my arguments in favor of cake legs were unsubstantiated and baseless considering that my persistent reliance on normal legs contradicted my argument. While I agree that he is in fact the Cake Boss, I think that my transformation into Cake Person is also an important title and should not be over looked.

  22. Posted

    my darkest memory is of being 9 months pregnant and playing in the 1969 ncaa women's basketball championships when I landed awkwardly after missing the game winning shot and blew out my entire lower body and every mind in the stadium. Despite my mind bending injury and the sheer terror it was creating, the real pain was watching the other team celebrate, and also having to watch women's basketball...and not playing it, because that's more fun.

    • Like 1

  23. Posted

    Kristen Schaal's mom's message was pretty hilarious - I felt embarrassed for her! It reminds me of Woody Allen's parents in that documentary about him where they're talking about how he should have been a doctor

     

    my parents also wanted me to be a doctor, but the day i was supposed to walk up to the podium and pick up my doctor diploma, I decided to be a stunt man, and I have never looked back.

  24. Posted

    i was also very offended by Kristen's vagina comment and feel it only perpetrates the Beauty Myth that vagina's get worse with age. This is in fact untrue. If people saw pictures I wonder if they could tell the difference, or know what age it is? Maybe I will upload some pics and we can make a song about THAT. I still went out today and bought a ton of new anti-aging vagina products. Since the whole shaving craze started, everybody I know has no clue that women can grow hair down there and inside there all the time like nose hairs. And everyone acts so surprised that I bleech down there because God forbid if anyone knew that nature could leave giant brown stains.

  25. Posted

    the Pope is a premise god. I felt like I was in premise heaven, and I have had a couple hundred NDE's so I know what I'm talking about, but at the same time, I am also the funniest planker in the world so it all balances out. I also had a few NDE's when I started the first wheelchair segway company and I am still working on that and my youtube channel of all my segway fails gets a billion views a day so I know there's a market for this.

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