Ailments you have fallen victim to during the absence of Bob:

[Ailments you have fallen victim to during the absence of Bob:]

Since the absence of the illustrious Mr. Bob Ducca, I have come to suffer from the following ailments:

 

Type Two Silver Tongue Syndrome

 

Turf Toe

 

Mazel Toe

 

Stubbed Toe

 

Gout

 

Hitler Hands

 

Advanced Sagging Mattress Disorder

 

Kidney Stones

 

Kidney Beans

 

Acute Renal Failure

 

Lupus Nephertiti-itis

 

Ingrown Toenail

 

Ingrown Hairline

 

Pancreatitis

 

Pancakeatitis

 

Pancake Tits

 

Outraged Bile Ducts

 

Fallen Expectations

 

Distressed Duodenum

 

Depressed Breathing

 

Mirthless Humours

 

Raging Bull Fever

 

Whining Cough

 

I also suffer from Broken Goatee and an acute case of Scratch Neck.

[Episode 34 — Trestles Made of Yestles]

I nearly fell out of my chair at the phrase "I agroons."

As a senior without access to Life Alert, such a fall would have been unfortunate, and damaged much more than my pride. Equilibrium may have prevailed in my case, but I no longer feel safe recommending The Bob Ducca Self-Reflection Radio Hour to listeners over the age of 65 unless given a guarantee from Mr. Ducca that he will take the physical and mental well-being of the show's listeners into account when constructing his sentences.

 

With sincere appreciation,

"Grandpa" Llarold Handinpants