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dlo burns

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Posts posted by dlo burns

  1. Posted

    Sheet dudes, you could wait a month and this will likely be in the dollar theaters; which in my opinion is probably the best way to see it.

    • 70% chance the theater will be empty, and you have not lived until you've taken your pants off in the cinema
    • (your crappy throttled connection may vary) You don't have to wait for netflix to load up, or agonize over the fact this will probably be on some stupid obscure streaming service, if at all.
      • Also cheaper than a dvd (and why would you want to own this unless it's truly awful-hilarious), no need to wait a year for your library to get it, and if you have a video rental store still open near you – well cherish that while you still can

      [*]I'm sure your comp/tv is pretty nice, but it's best to see how wiggy someone's wig could possibly be. Also how crappy some effects are

      [*]Also get some hot popcorn without stinking up your place.

    • Like 1

  3. Posted

    I would think that they had the "like a bird" part in mind first, right? I mean, if that's your punchline/payoff, you'd work backwards from that to make it make sense in the script I would think. However, I've seen TOO many movies where the characters are impossibly quick-witted, like they were just WAITING to use a perfectly-crafted response to this question that they'd only been asked one second ago, so it's refreshing to see such a sloppy exchange, which would probably be the most realistic thing in the movie.

    Do you think it was supposed to be a pun on him being 'the Worm'?

  11. Posted

    One thing I remember about this was that the game became popular when the NBA (or equivalent) collapsed, but that seems so stupid to me because they're using straight up baseball pitches and nothing gets dunked.

     

    Also the Rollerball remake fells more like a rip off of this (yeah I went there)

  13. Posted

     

    I think Jodorowsky's Dune is one of those legendary aborted projects that we're all better off never seeing happen. Based on everything I've seen (concept art, etc.) it wouldn't really have been Dune so much as a fever dream put on film. I mean, he wanted Orson Welles and Salvador Dali in the cast.

     

    If you were going to do Dune in movie form, you'd have to go the Peter Jackson/LOTR route and split the books into multiple movies. Just the first book could easily fill 3 movies (the book is actually kind of broken into 3 sections anyway).

     

    I think part of the problem with adapting Dune also is that it's such a language dense book where the faux-medieval is really damn corny

    , and that so many other things have taken from it (Star Wars, Fifth Element) going back to the original and keeping a straight face would be pretty damn impossible, in the same way that most people now had a hard time swallowing John Carter.

     

    Also isn't every Jodorowsky film not but a fever dream on film? Zoom back camera. We are images, dreams, photographs. We must not stay here. Prisoners! We shall break the illusion. This is magic! Goodbye to the Holy Mountain. Real life awaits us.

  14. Posted

    Also, on Johnny Cage's career post-tournament, basically the sequel picks up immediately after, and he turns into bobo Scott Wolf and gets murdered within 30 seconds.

    Ugh, reminds me of the bad game(s?) after Deadly Alliance where all the good original characters get turned into zombies and therefore everything gets all edgy. Also isn't that the era where they really wanted Striker the cop to become everyone's darling even though he just oozed asshole?

     

    [For me the best MK's go 2D:2nd and 3D:Deadly Alliance]

     

    I also loved how defeated June felt about the plot and characters.

     

    With her also hating Street Fighter I would love for them to review the supposedly terrible

    (I haven't seen it) just so she doesn't pick up a fighting game habit. Because that would be bad.

  15. Posted

    Part of the problem is they made Lynch cut it down from nearly 4 hours down to 2,

     

    Oh there's rumors that there was an eight (or more) hour cut. I feel like the story worked better as a miniseries* mostly because that damn book is a bible-and-a-half sized**. It seems to me the best adaptations are of shorter stories where they can be expanded (like the works of Philip K Dick, al a "We Can Remember It for You Wholesale" to Total Recall or "Second Variety" to Screamers) rather than cutting down a tome into a reasonable running time.

     

    Anyways it's on my get round to it list but there's a documentary about Alejandro Jodorowsky attempting to produce Dune before Lynch/De Laurentiis but it would of been un-filmable due to the grand vision of it (and that it would of been a 14 hour running time).

     

    *a miniseries of silly hats

    **that's a valid way to measure books, right?

    • Like 1

  16. Posted

    That just gave me an idea for an incredibly batshit insane martial arts movie where someone's combined the body parts of all the greatest fighters throughout history into the single most ass-kicking undead creature on the planet. Why they would do that, I don't know, but it's no dumber an idea than whatever they were trying to accomplish in "Virtuosity"...

     

    This villainous plot is what Nundercover is trying to stop, and she has to steal the Holy Grail & Shroud of Turin so nobody else can.

  17. Posted

    I have a theory that in the early stages it was supposed to be a Fatal Fury / King of Fighters movie but Neal McDonough was already attached and that probably for copyright reasons they just lazily changed things around him. And the costumer had no idea what was going on.

     

    Seriously look:

     

    600full-neal-mcdonough.jpg

     

    geese_howard.jpg

     

    Also I hear the real The King of Fighters film was pretty terrible, but I barely know those games so I don't care to seek it out.

  18. Posted

    Sorry for doubling, but I felt the need to make a separate post

     

    First we get episodes on Super Mario Bros. and Street Fighter... and now Mortal Kombat? Awesome! Does that mean we might also get an episode on any of the shitty Resident Evil movies soon? Let's keep the awful video game -to- movie adaptations coming! :)

     

    While Paul WS Anderson's films generally aren't very good, they benefit greatly from having sequels not directed by him that are even WORSE, which kind of make his look a little better. About the only exception would be the last couple of Resident Evils, which he did direct after not having directed the second (a tie with Annihilation for worst movie I've seen in a theater) and third. The fifth one, Resident Evil: Whateverthefuck is some stupid, stupid shit.

     

    I really like the first RE movie as it was well constructed for a zombie film; first a mystery happens, then a pensive mood, it all goes to hell, and they have to fight their way out with consequences. It all has a very logical flow and works well by not following the game. Probably the only real down mark is the tacked on Alice in Wonderland references.

     

    The second on the other hand is just a damn clunky mess that is mostly them strutting around spouting "bad ass" lines and looking pretty, a DBZ-level ridiculous fight breaks out, introducing a character with the same name as someone from the games but is in no way like them, rinse & repeat until a numetal song finishes off the film (if I remember correctly). I also dislike this film for turning Alice from a person acting in a story to bending it around her to become a Mary Sue and the rest of the series is her showing up all the characters from the games. Having them do this film would be great especially if Jason really knows the games and June had never seen it before. I bet she would even pull out another fastball like loving that Alice is so motherly to the small British girl. Or maybe they would all get hung up on the fight in the church.

    • Like 2

  19. Posted

    And speaking of MK theme (via wikipedia)

     

    Mortal Kombat: The Album is an album by The Immortals (Maurice Engelen aka Praga Khan and Oliver Adams best known for their work on the Techno/Industrial band Lords of Acid), released in 1994 to accompany the home versions of the video game Mortal Kombat.

     

    Lords of Acid are a great band if you want to get into 90's techno (possibly again). And the song has had numerous remixes, but possibly the most notable is Traci Lord's (yes, she of underage Penthouse fame) Control, which was produced by Juno Reactor.

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSijFOT4Y4Q

     

    Also I highly recommend the movie soundtracks (note: George S Clinton is not the guy from Parliament) and I am very sad I don't have that cd anymore.

     

    /edit: I hope the guest is Andrew Ti of Yo Is This Racist

    • Like 1

  21. Posted

    The original black superhero was Black Lightning (who literally shot black lightning), and I think all the ones afterward were mostly ripoffs or homages (such as Static Shock).

     

    Other things I could think of:

    - Luke Cage and Powerman are the same. He's bullet proof and strong.

    -There's Misty Knight, she was a cop who lost her arm and Ironman made her a bionic one. She's part of the steer level crew with Luke Cage and Dare Devil.

    -Static Shock came from Milestone Comics which was created by a group of black comic book artists and writers. Sadly creator Dwayne McDuffie passed away a few years ago.

    -Isaiah Bradley was a prototype Captain America, and his story is a commentary on the government's eugenics program.

    -Cyborg has been promoted from the Teen Titans to the Justice League.

    -Black Canary is a white woman.

  25. Posted

    I think people actually forget that there was some sci-fi stuff in a lot of those books, including "Tarzan and the Ant-Men", "Tarzan at the Earth's Core" and "Tarzan and the Lion Man" (which was essentially just The Island of Dr. Moreau with Tarzan), so there is a history of crazy shit in those books. I don't think they ever did aliens in the official books, though.

     

    What makes you think the producers ever read the books?

    • Like 2
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