Joe McGurl

I've been listening to Oasis and playing World of Warcraft all day. So I guess you can say I've been "killin it"

ME OH MY! I'll have what she's sandwich!

As a bonus to that article, read all of the comments left by ChefGus. Hilariously unfunny

That was painful to read.

Oh, I'm WELL aware of the fact

BurgerHo fucked that up so....

Honlads fucked that up so....

I also like the Euro

Also, did anyone else watch the Golden Globes tonight? Cause they were a fuckin snooooooooooze fest

I talked about this the last time "Those People" was brought up in the forums but I think it got ignored so I'll just brag about it again. Hayes' co-star Carrie Kemper and I had like a 30 minute long conversation at a bar about acting and writing and comedy and tons of stuff when the cast and crew of The Office came to have a wrap party in Scranton for the series finale. It was really awesome and she was super friendly and down to earth and had some great advice for me. She also bought me a drink so that was nice.

I know a similar joke that I just wrote right now: Master P and Cordozar Broadus Jr. (Snoop Dogg) (Snoop Lion?) are walking their dogs. Snoop Dogg's (Lion's?) dog looks at Master P's dog and says, "You'll notice that my master has no P in it. Please keep it that way." Then Master P's dog peed on Snoop Dogg (Lion?) and said, "There may be no P in your master but now, their is certainly pee on him." Snoop Dogg's (Lion's?) dog looks up at Snoop Dogg (Lion?) with a "oh, you gotta be kidding me" face to which Snoop shrugs. Master P and his dog fly away on jetpacks and then Snoop throws away his large fountain soda and says, "I gotta get to a restroom. After drinking all of that liquid, there is a lot of pee in your master." So Snoop Dogg (Lion?) went to a restroom and relieved himself and then said to his dog when he finished, "You'll notice that your master no longer has any pee in him. Please keep it that way."

I never wet the bed but I did read Sarah Silverman's book so I guess I'm an honorary bedwetter. I was once however at the mall at about the age of 7 and going in to a Barnes and Noble with my parents. I really had to pee and couldn't make it to the bathroom on the other side of the mall so I made my way all the way into the back of the store, secluded from all life, pulled down my pants and did my thing in the corner. Pulled those pants right back up, strolled my way to the front of the store, found my parents and just played it all cool. We left before the crime scene was discovered but I regret not being able to hear the reaction to that. I feel kind of bad about it in retrospect but ya know...nature called and the children's section of a Barnes and Noble bookstore is as good a restroom as any. **EDIT** The way I told the story, it sounds like I decided to go into the Barnes and Noble with the explicit interest of using their children's section as my own personal toilet. This was not the case. My parents were not in on my plan and I just used my resourcefulness to take the opportunity to relieve myself on some Shel Silverstein books and not in my cool OshKosh B'gosh trousers. **Second Edit** I pooped in the tub once **Third Edit** As a kid though, not as an adult.

Paper Brigade 4 Lyfe

But he's seen plenty of them die... This summer, Honlads is, "The Comedian Killer." Get ready, you'll literally die laughing.

The only comedian that I've seen is Louis Black because Scranton is a comedy death-hole that has only produced one truly funny person and that person is Joe McGurl. Anyway, Louis Black didn't have an opener but I probably could have done it but I would have been funnier and Louis Black would have been booed off stage for not being me, so I declined.

I'd like to see the den that this wolf is from. Probably 10x better than any Wolf Den that Dan Engler hangs around....YA HEAR ME DAN?!?!

I'll be there Tuesday and I'm gonna be there Tuesday

Very sad when she said she wanted the money so she can start the process of having surrogate children. Diem was such a baller.

I LOVE email addresses but for the first time ever, I've run out of likes. But I like it man...I really do.

Like this post if you're greggy

My google email is coldplayingmuse@gmail.com (HIGH SCHOOL WHAT UP!)

I laughed so hard when Dustin said he was there to make friends....oh you poor, sweet child.

TOMORROW WOULD BE BETTER FOR ME BECAUSE THURSDAYS ARE MY KARAOKE NIGHT MY CAPS LOCK BUTTON IS BROKE SORRY BUT I WANT TO DO A HANGOUT AND BE COOL WITH YOU ALL BECAUSE AS WE KNOW IM THE RESIDENT COOL GUY IN THE FORUMS ALSO, FUCK YOU TIM. I COMPLIMENTED YOU IN A POST AND YOU DIDNT LIKE IT BUT YOU LIKED THE ONE AFTER IT SO I KNOW YOU READ IT YOU BIG OL JERK HEAD JERK FACE. IM N OT MAD JUST DISAPPOINTED 2015 THE YEAR OF THE GIF

Anything less than a mill will be a real disappointment