Joe McGurl

I don't think I'm getting through

My phone does like three beeps and hangs up so I think that's Cody inside the phone system sendin me morse code

10 minutes! Yeeeeuh

Fuck you, Tim.

I'll be in Manhattan this weekend. If there is anyone here from New York that wants to see my dumb face, you can see it there this weekend.

I've been sick since Friday with an inner ear infection. It's a really cool feeling to sit up from the couch to go pee and as soon as you're upright, immediately projectile vomit. So...all in all, pretty fun weekend. 10/10

Great. Just knowing that you'll be roughly two hours away from me fills me with so much rage.

If anyone finds themselves in Scranton, let's also not meetup and promptly turn yourselves around so you don't get infected with massive debt and rising taxes. #HometownHumor

Don't tempt me man.

^ really glad that my 200th post had The Big Bang Theory in it. REALLY glad

You guys ever heard of two lil shows called The Big Bang Theory and 2 & a Half Men? Cause that's where I go to get my boffo yucks and definitely not hate everything if I'm watching!

I DID LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE YES I DID MOM SHUTUP UGH YOU JUST DONT GET ME AT ALL WHY WOULD I LIE I TOLD YOU I WOULD LISTEN TO THE EPISODE AND I DID UGHHHHH ILL BE IN MY ROOM UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN!!!!

I have no questions for Pauly Shore. He knows why.

Anyone know when Thanksgiving is this year?

I pressed play on this episode of Hollywood Handbook and let it play the full way through. On top of that, I also listened to it the entire time it was playing. I liked what I had heard and I did in fact laugh.

Yeah we are! Oh..you meant with Sean and Hayes and not...*US.* Hah, nah it's cool though. Haha no doubt no doubt, so sick man. Hahah alright dude, I'll catch you later man. *walks into the ocean*

Haven't read any of these posts this week but I bet there is at least like six that were pretty funny so good job you six!! (You know who you are) Quick update on MY life: I looked in the mirror today and gave myself a kiss because I looked cute and hey, I deserved it! *Joe steps away from the computer knowing that he NAILED that post. He thinks to himself, "Six good posts this week? Heh. More like seven now. Good job kid, you're on your way." In his head, all of this is being said to Joe by his coach and mentor, number 23, Michael Jordan himself. MJ rustles Joe's hair and pats Joe on the back. "Whaddya say you come out with your coach and go toss the ol pigskin around and shoot some three point slam dunks, kiddo?" Pigskin? Shoot some three point slam dunks? Something was wrong and Joe knew it. The greatest basketball player of all time would surely know that a football and NOT a basketball is nicknamed the "pigskin." Joe knows this because he knows a whole lot about sports and is really cool and handsome. "So, how about it sport?" Michael asked. Joe knew he needed to play it cool. He would ask his coach a question that only the REAL Michael Jordan could answer. If this were an imposter, Joe would need to be pretty subtle about how to ask the question. Joe was the most handsome man in the world. "Sure thing, coach! I love basketball! By the way coach, I need to ask you a question. Are you the real Michael Jordan or an imposter trying to assassinate me?" Nailed it, Joe thought. "You are smart and good looking. I AM an imposter trying to assassinate you." The Faux-Jordan waved his hand and his illusion dissolved. Where an athletically built African-American basketball player stood, now appeared a thin Caucasian with a staff, cape and horned helmet. It was Loki the trickster from the Thor comics and films. "I love comics and being a nerd," thought handsome Joe. "But how did you know I wasn't the real Michael Jordan?" asked Loki. Joe flashed his winning smile and he could feel somewhere in the world that he made a woman pregnant by doing so. "Easy. I was Michael Jordan's coach and not the other way around." Joe picked up a basketball and spun it on his finger like a Harlem globe-trotter. "I hope that girl that I got pregnant with my smile doesn't get an abortion. Did you know that the cardiovascular system is the first major system to function. At about 22 days after conception the child's heart begins to circulate his own blood, unique to that of his mother's, and his heartbeat can be detected on ultrasound," he said. "Wow, I didn't know that. This 'abortion' thing sounds pretty awful. And I would know. I tried to enslave an entire planet under my control," Loki retorted. Loki extended his arms out saying, "Well, I guess you better take me to prison now for being a bad boy." "Sorry it had to come to this. At least you got to learn some great facts about why pro-choice is not a choice at all" Joe replied. Loki had his hands clasped in irons and was taken to Azkaban, a magical prison for the worst criminals in the world. Joe thought about delivering Loki to his brother Thor in Asgard but he knew those prisons would not hold him. Joe went back to his computer after kissing his hot babe girlfriend, Kate Upton, and saw that his post had gotten 100 likes, a threshold previously thought unobtainable. "This feels good" thought Joe, "but not as good as teaching the world about how abortion is murder and if you have one, you get a one-way ticket to the Hell Express. Having dinner every night with Satan and his lackeys? No thanks! That's a bit scary and NOT my idea of fun." Joe sat back in his chair all relaxed like Chewbacca does in that one scene in Empire Strikes Back after Leia had just kissed Luke on Hoth. It was like that but only more cool. It was then that Joe noticed his phone had lit up with a text. It was from Mr. President Obama. "World in trouble, Need your help saving it because only you can Mr. BondMcGurl." Joe looked up from his brand new iPhone 8 that was exclusive to him only because he was so cool. "Here we go again!"*.

Great first post

It's Wednesday the nineteenth of November and today I listened to Episode 59 "Paul Scheer, Our Close Friend" of the podcast Hollywood Handbook and I enjoyed it.

Funny train? What is this the 1800's?!?! I bought the one way flight to Funnyville on my Very Funny Private Jet that has only me as the passenger, oh and I'm also the friggen pilot and my co-pilot is Louis CK because he's funny too and we just crack each other up while flying on the Very Funny Private Jet. TL;DR - fuck your trains

This was a great joke. 10/10

I've never seen Weeds because my cable provider doesn't have HGTV

This was definitely photoshopped. No way that it's real

Wow. Sounds to me like this "UK" is pretty "OK" and I'm NOT talkin bout Oklahoma!

I listened to this episode