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Joe McGurl

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Posts posted by Joe McGurl

  6. Posted

    Carl couldn't believe it. He walked out of "Earwolf Presents: Hollywood Handbook: The Podcast: The TV Show: The Movie" with shit all over his new white chinos. He looked around and everyone else had shit on their pants as well. This movie was so funny that the audience literally shit their pants laughing. It was the perfect film. Never before had he felt such elation and joy in his life. Joe McGurl was really handsome on screen and the greatest guest of all time ever. The cameo by SteveH and his baby covered in greasy pizza was an in-joke that Carl felt was just for him! His favorite part was when Sean said that the Hollywood Handbook forums were probably the worst thing that ever happened to him in his entire life and then when Hayes followed it up by strapping a gopro camera onto his head, walking into the Earwolf server room and setting fire to the entire thing so there could never be a forum again was just comedy perfection. From start to finish, Carl had the time of his life watching this film and he felt that nothing would ever be so perfect again.

     

    Carl drove home in his Ford Fiesta to be greeted by his loving husband, Karl and their two beautiful children, Karly and Carli. Karl had prepared his favorite meal; farm fresh, non-GMO chicken with organic quinoa and kale gravy followed by a desert of parsnip ice cream or something gay like that made with Karl's frozen semen because their fucking gay together and that's what gay people do I assume oh my god they're an abomination and marriage should be between a man and a woman that's what it says in the bible I don't care what the supreme court says they're just gay-enablers or as I like to call them "gaynablers.". After dinner, they tucked in their poor children that had to be raised by two monsters and then they went into their bedroom to sodomize each other and probably speak in satanic tongues to blaspheme our Lord God and Savior some more but even after Carl had came onto Karl's back, Carl just didn't feel satisfied. Their was a hole in him and not just his asshole that Karl went to town on. No, a metaphorical hole. Carl couldn't stop thinking about the film he saw earlier today with his homosexual eyes. Carl felt cold and emotionless. He knew deep down in his gay heart that he would never feel as happy as he did when watching "Earwolf Presents: Hollywood Handbook: The Podcast: The TV Show: The Movie." The food that Karl made, which used to have such depth of flavor, now tasted like plastic. He had to feel again, he had to be happy. He immediately lept out of bed and rushed straight to the cineplex to buy a ticket for the next showing "Earwolf Presents: Hollywood Handbook: The Podcast: The TV Show: The Movie." It wasn't enough. Nothing would capture the initial rush of joy he felt during that first viewing. He knew what had to be done next.

     

    Carl went to the pawn shop and traded his big gay diamond wedding ring for a big cool as hell shotgun with sick flame decals on it because America is great and you can't take the right to bear arms away from any American citizen even if they are big homos they have the right to guns it's their second amendment right and that's straight from the fuckin constitution brother. Carl also bought ammo too, I forgot to say that earlier but he did buy ammo, just so you know. Then he went home and killed his entire family and killed himself.

     

    "Earwolf Presents: Hollywood Handbook: The Podcast: The TV Show: The Movie" went on to win every award ever, including Best Actor for Joe McGurl, good for him he really deserved it tbh and no one even cared that Carl died because he deserved to go to hell anyway for being gay or something.

    • Like 23

  7. Posted

    69 of 210 people found the following review helpful

    * * * * * Exhiliarating. "Episode 97 - Julie Klausner, Our Close Friend" is an unqualified improvement

    By Joe McGurl on August 19, 2015

    Format: Audio CD

     

    Had a great time listening to the episode. Product was as described and the packaging was hassle free. I would definitely recommend this episode to anyone interested in it. In my opinion, this is one of the highest quality episodes on the market right now and Sean and Hayes have once again proved more than adept with their business acumen in delivering some of the most unmatched and top of the line episodes you can find out there today.

     

    Having the prime membership, I am granted access to free shipping so I got it right away on Tuesday and I didn't have to sign for anything or tip the UPS driver which is a big plus for me because I'm so fat that I can't get out of my computer chair and would have to roll down my steps to get to the door so the convenience of having it delivered right to the computer is worth the extra money I pay.

     

    Quality: 5/5

    Convenience: 5/5

    Overall Rating: 5/5

     

    YES: Would buy again

    YES: Would recommend to a friend

     

    Comment | Was this review helpful to you? [YES] [NO]

    • Like 20

  11. Posted

    The first time I talked to Jeff Ulrich on the phone (November 1955) , I said, "Hey, Jeff! It's your cousin, Marvin! Marvin Ulrich! Ya know that new software for an exclusive streaming podcast subscription service you're looking for? Well listen to this!"

    • Like 38

  12. Posted

    Sorry I'm so late to respond to your hangout impression of me Norm but I wasn't doing homework, I was retroactively writing this response to you in the forum. Ugh, time travel is a fickle bitch, wish I could explain it in a way that made sense but I don't even know when you're going to be seeing this post! I mean I'm writing it now but while I'm writing it, you're watching me write it on the hangout and getting the impression that I'm doing homework and so you're thinking of writing a post in the forums that you think that I'm doing homework but I'm actually responding to the post that you haven't even made yet! I tried dropping a hint about my time travel status when Veebs asked a would you rather question about going back and changing one thing from the past and I said that YOU CAN'T CHANGE THE PAST BECAUSE THERE ARE FIXED POINTS IN TIME AND WHAT HAPPENED ALWAYS WILL HAPPEN NO MATTER HOW HARD WE TRY TO CHANGE IT WE NEVER CAN SOMETHING WILL ALWAYS LEAD TO THE CHAIN OF EVENTS OF THAT FIXED POINT IN TIME HAPPENING. I was actually referring to this moment right now. I wish I could go back to that hangout and change it and be more active so I could impress you more Norm but nothing will ever change it. Nothing man. That was our time together and no matter how hard each of us try and try and wish that we booked that trip to Italy, it will never have happened. We should've been drinking cheap lambrusco wine on the Janiculum hill overlooking Rome at sunset or discovering great, exciting new bands and art in random warehouses all over Brooklyn but, alas, the both of us were trapped behind the screens of our respective screens and wondering what could've been. Nay, what SHOULD'VE been. Until next time, dear Norm, we shall always have that memory. And I love that memory

    • Like 11

  13. Posted

    Joe, if everyone asked questions like you, the Internet would be a wonderful place. Unfortunately, I read through this entire thread.

     

    If everyone asked questions like me, the Internet would be a very well read place full of handsome young boys and girls who have a soft spot for pictures of puppies and kittens dressed like humans and video of people popping blackheads.

    • Like 9

  14. Posted

    If I were Scott today, by this point I would have just shut down Earwolf entirely. You can keep your precious old eps for free forever but every show is canceled now that I know these are the people that are listening. Geez, you guys...

     

    Yeah, God forbid people have questions and opinions about a fundamental shift in the paradigm! Unbelievable with these guys!

    • Like 18

  15. Posted

    This looks to me like podcasting finally getting taken over by corporate assholes

     

    ...

     

    So anyhoo, I hope ya'll make a lot of money--I really do. I really hope all this user-unfriendly corporate bullshit at least helps out the ridiculously talented people who do ridiculously good shows I won't be able to recommend to my friends anymore.

     

     

    This is why I never made an account until today. Most of you are assholes.

    • Like 8

  16. Posted

    haha, sorry to come off snarky - just trying to take the analogy to its logical conclusion.

     

    so here's what i'm trying to say about a comic store - if you walked in, you would have ONE issue of X-Men (the current one), to browse through in the store. Then they would have back issues for sale in boxes somewhere, wrapped in plastic. You would have to pay for any of them (which is where the analogy breaks down - we're letting you walk out of the store with the "issues" from the last six months for free). But it would be insane to walk into the store, and on a table in front of you, there were hundreds of issues for you to sift through. And you would have to decide which to read first.

     

    Thanks for the clarification, I see where you're coming from. I'd prefer to keep the backlog free but I understand your position.

     

    Have a heynong man day (that's the catchphrase, right?)

    • Like 9

  18. Posted

    Lotta people HOWLIN over howl today. That was a pretty good joke and I'll take some well deserved likes for that.

     

    Anyway, Scott, I know you aren't really involved with the tech sides of this thing so I'm not going to begrudge you on the topic of that. As someone who would've gladly payed a subscription fee anyway for the content that you've already been putting out, I'm actually pretty happy for you guys. Having exclusive content behind the paywall is fine and a great idea and I look forward to seeing more awesome and quality content churned out now that there will be a stream of cash coming in to help fund bigger and better things. Congratulations on that and just a quick thank you for all you have done and will continue to do for the world of both comedy and podcasting.

     

    My only gripe comes from putting backlogs behind the paywall. Shows like Whooch, I4H, HDTGM are pretty easily accessible from whenever you jump in but a show like Hollywood Handbook can be weird for someone, especially someone who isn't tuned into that style of humor, right away. So if I want to get someone into it, I'd pick episodes that ease them into the style and tone to get comfortable with. To use your comics/Doctor Who example. Let's say there is a "Doctor Who Viewing Website" and it's the only place where you can watch it but you have to pay for it. I'm told that I should definitely watch it because it's a great show but all that is available are the latest 6 episodes and a few of the really great classic episodes from seasons past. Okay, well I watch the latest episode and have no idea what's going on but I see that the Pilot episode is available and I go back to watch that episode to get familiarized with the world. Well wait, why is there a different person playing The Doctor and who is Rose Tyler and why isn't she there anymore? Now, I'm more confused than I was before but I see that another episode from season 3 is available and now David Tennant is The Doctor. At this point I would probably give up because I would have no idea what the fuck is going on or while the episodes may have been enjoyable, I don't know if I'm willing to commit to paying for the rest of the episodes because I might end up not really liking it.

     

    Or I walk into a comics shop and want to read X-Men but the only issues available are the latest issues of Uncanny X-Men and issues 7-12 of Whedon's Astonishing X-Men. I tell the clerk I want to get into it and he says that they have the entire catalog for me to look at in the back but I have to pay money to get into see them. Why would I bother?

     

    It just seems odd to me and I know that monetizing the old eps will help out those shows but I dunno. I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision for the Earwolf team but I'm just throwing in my two cents.

    • Like 17

  19. Posted

    Tom, it's Joe McGurl again, from Mr. Pagliotti's Driver's/Sex Ed course.

     

    Do you ever stop and think about how many butts there are in the world? Like that's a lot of butts, right? How many do you think you could touch in a lifetime?

     

    Also, any chances of doing "The Best Best SHow." That's a talk show where you and Ahmed Best aka Jar-Jar Binks co-host.

     

    Had a great time at summer camp, thanks for the memories and be sure to write me when you get back home!!

    • Like 8

  25. Posted

    Hey, Joe, first time, long time.

     

    I gotta say that I hear what you're saying. Too much in this country the liberal powers that be try to shove lies down our throats. I heard one democrap recently say that rich people are the cause of most of the problems in this country, but they've obviously never met me! I spend thousands of dollars a month on toilet paper, slimjims, and toothpicks, so therefore, I've put thousands of dollars into the pockets of minimum wage workers. How do you feel about this accusation? I'll take my answer off the air.

     

    It's their fault that they're poor, to be honest. I mean, I was born as a white male with parents who invented the sport of NFL and so I was a multi-billionaire at birth and the rest of the country wants to take all that money away from me that I happened to work very hard for so THEY can have a lil extra chunk a change to buy crack off Paco on the corner? I don't think so bubba. It's called the free market baby and I'm taking these doubloons to the grave BUCKO!

     

    Joe, I can't help but to suspect that you are a shill for Ackerman and the Earwolf/Midroll elite. Are you with us?

     

    I'm with me and me only, man. Gotta look out for #1. Sorry but good luck with everything I hope it goes well but if you fail and die, don't say I didn't warn you oh and if you do die I actually get your room mom even said so oh and she also said she hates you and that you're adopted!

    • Like 9
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