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Joe McGurl

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Posts posted by Joe McGurl

  3. Posted

    Sorry I didn't post first this week guys. I was off being successful actor boy making fuckin thick stacks of cash and layin mad pipe while you limp dick chumps sat around clickin refresh on the internet like Minkus tryna get his grades on the last day of finals instead of gettin in on summadat sweet Topanga stank.

     

    Enjoy your pyrrhic victories.

     

    Gonna keep killin my reign as I go make it rain on some straight up 10s. BOOMSHAKKALAKKA HE'S HEATING UP

    • Like 25

  7. Posted

    Yeah. I was there that day at Hooters. This kid Colt walks in and right away, I knew there was something special about him. He just had this glint in his eyes that projected a steely determination and drive. I sat this kid and his dad at their table and he slammed down more wings than I'd ever seen. He wasn't even phased by all the stacked racks bouncing around him..then it happened. In walked Shaq and BOOM. This kid and his dad were up and Colt was getting his picture taken with the Shaq Attack. It felt like it was happening in slow motion. I'd never seen anything like it before in my life and I haven't since. It was the greatest day of my life. That kid changed the game forever. The world of getting your picture taken with a celeb at Hooters would never be the same.

    • Like 18

  10. Posted

    sorry to post more non-HH stuff, but this is pretty fucking important.

     

    in the new Hooray Show, Fran Gillespie does a very obvious JoeMcGurl impression at about 16:55.

     

    speak on that.

     

    She texted me for advice on how to play a male and I told her to just say, "baby" a lot. Looks like she heeded it.

     

    Science tip: boil/oyle liquid in pots, not pot themself.

     

    This is now my second post, Joe.

     

    Sorry, it looks like you got lost in the shuffle. I'm too lazy to go back and find your first post but I'm sure it was great...and this second post? Hooo baby, I love it! Way to go!

    • Like 10

  25. Posted

    It was a dangerous time to be a cop. After the murders of Officers Crowder and McNally, the whole force was on edge. All except rookie Officer DefinitielyNotO.J.Simpson. He was a loose cannon with a really unwieldy name that forced him to wear two badges just to fit the name on the uniform. Sergeant Lachlann considered transferring him to the the 96th Precinct but with Crowder and McNally gone, he could use all the man power available, especially with the Mayor's Gala coming up.

     

    --

     

    Officer DefinitielyNotO.J.Simpson looked at the assignment board. "You gotta be fucking kidding me....gate security?" This was bullshit. He knew that he was the best goddamn cop that Sergeant Lachlann had on the force. He should be Mayoral security or sniper duty at least...

     

    --

     

    It had been a quiet night, to say the least. Officer DefinitielyNotO.J.Simpson had been sitting at his guard post stationed outside the gate for 3 hours now. The wind was bitter and the cool moisture in the air gave warning of rain. "Simpson!" A voice cried out. It was his partner Detective Nunez. "Break time, pal. Go inside and grab a bite but don't get comfy. Lachlann wants you back out here at the next hour." He checked his watch which read 6:27...33 minutes. It would have to do. As Officer DefinitielyNotO.J.Simpson walked the grounds towards the party tent he felt the rain starting to fall slowly. A big jolt of thunder cracked with lightning following right behind and lighting up the brisk June sky. Officer DefinitielyNotO.J.Simpson looked up at the mansion and admired the gargoyles that decorated the spires. He had always loved gargoyles ever since he was a boy and watched the cartoon on Saturday mornings. Another crack of thunder and flash of lighting gave way and suddenly he found himself falling to the ground....blood slowly pouring out of his mouth.

     

    --

     

    Sergeant Lachlann was gathered around the body bag with Captain Finnerty. Lachlann had gotten the call early this morning after he just finished fucking Senator Chambers who he took home from the gala the night previous. He'd be lying if he told anyone he wasn't still drunk but a man has a duty to his city and to his force so he begrudgingly climbed out of bed and the warm embrace of Senator Chambers to find himself in the dank and cold fingers of the city's mortuary. Finnerty gave Doctor Jordan the nod and she began to unzip the bag. It was him. Goddammit. Another one. Officer DefinitielyNotO.J.Simpson's lifeless corpse lay on the slab of the cold chamber. Lochlann felt a strange sense of relief suddenly wash over him. DefinitielyNotO.J.Simpson was kind of a pain in the ass, he meant well and was probably a nice guy that made a mistake but...vengeance spares no man. "It's him." Captain Finnerty said. "There's something you should see," Doctor Jordan said. She flipped over the body of the reckless rookie rube and showed the men that scratched into his back with what must have been very sharp claws were the words "Joe McGurl's Hollywood Handbook Forum Guide" followed by a set of what looked like some really funny guidelines. No doubt this was the work of one of the boyz. "Lachlann. Did this kid have any family?" Finnerty asked. Lachlann shook his head no. "Okay. Burn the body, Jordan. Don't ask questions, just do as I say. This is the third murder in connection with The Gargoyle Boyz this month. We can't have word spread about another dead cop at their hands. Burn this body and Lachlann, erase him from the system at the precinct. Any mention of him. He's a ghost. He doesn't exist and he never did. Do it. At once." Lachlann saluted his captain and walked out of the room and down the long, quiet hallway. The only sound were that of his boots clacking against the ground, "A Gargoyle never forgets," he thinks...

    • Like 21
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