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Joe McGurl

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Posts posted by Joe McGurl

  1. Posted

    I have type 1 diabetes and last Monday I went into diabetic ketoacidosis. Was in the hospital all week for it. I could probably explain it but Wikipedia would do a better job than I:

     

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diabetic_ketoacidosis

     

    It was quite the unpleasant experience, everything is all good again and back to normal but it was for sure a scary situation for a while. I'm just glad to have a computer back and be able to listen to my podcasts again...hospitals are fucking boring man. You can only watch so many daytime chat shows on a television from 1995 without truly wanting to blow your brains out.

    • Like 7

  2. Posted

    Hey. I'm back. Miss me? Rhetorical question because I know the answer is a big fat honking, YES!

     

    I was in the hospital and almost died...it was cool. Totally was like taking the pound town express every night with my nurses. So chill, so cash. Everyone was like, "Ummm, can we get all the hotties to room 572, there's a total hunk in here that needs to be taken care of!" So, yeah...what did I miss while I was gone? Does Tim still suck? I bet Tim still sucks.

    • Like 12

  5. Posted

    Your current pic is cool 'n all but I'm already missing your old one b/c it was the most evocative profile pic I've ever seen. I was all WUUUUUT when I saw it and then I felt really proud to be your FB friend-- really just a lot of mixed emotions going on, tbh, but I AM a woman after all so lol that's how that goes I s'pose.

     

    Look guys, I had to throw up the current pic to honor my Dad and shit. I'll switch it back to the butt one later....I feel like I'm just a piece of meat to you people. A sexy sexy piece of meat.

    • Like 1

  6. Posted

    Gosh-dang... Joe McGurl's new FB profile picture is so ugly... Like seriously what's with those sunglasses? Only a baby should be wearing those #notappropriate #dressyourage #sorrynotsorry #smh #jfc

     

    You're just jealous because I look like a total long dong silver stud with my sweet shades #sorrynotsorry

     

     

     

     

    Edited to add that the picture in question is over two years old and I only got better looking since then

    • Like 2

  9. Posted

    I recently look at all the boards yesterday...HH straight up trounces every show in terms of posting and there's only like 10 of us who post here. Comedy Bang Bang gets like an average of 60 posts per episode and they're all pretty much just quotes from the episode as greggy said.

     

    What I'm trying to say is that we are great and should get an award or some shit

    • Like 4

  11. Posted

    Any other hashtags guys? I'm really into Hashtags lately.

     

    Anyone seen this new hashtag called "#sorrynotsorry" I think it's VERY funny. Pretty much what happens is, is that you say something and apologize for it even though you're actually NOT apologetic about what you're saying. So for example:

     

    Tim Treese sucks major dinosaur dick #sorrynotsorry!

     

    Another one would be: Tim Treese is a really big douchenozzle turdface #sorrynotsorry!

     

    I think it will be fun if this week we ALL try and use this new hashtag craze that's sweeping the nation! #sorrynotsorry! (see I can't stop!!!! #sorrynotsorry!!! LOL)

    • Like 4

  12. Posted

    I went to a Subway today and asked for a six inch sandwich on italian bread and the "sandwich artist" said, "So, you want a six inch Italian?" and I replied "Yeah...but I bet you want a footlong Irish."

     

    We totally banged right there. That's a true story and I didn't make any of it up.

     

    (by the way, when I said that she probably wanted a footlong Irish, I was NOT referring to a sandwich. I was making a reference to my long dong silver and Irish heritage)

    • Like 7

  13. Posted

    It's my birthday today. Everyone has to be really nice and agree with everything I say and give me LOTS of likes. VB left me the nicest birthday wish ever on my Facebook, it read as such:

     

    "Happy Birthday, you dumb idiot who I know a little bit."

     

    I wish every person who left me birthday messages would take a page out of Valerie's book.

     

     

     

    P.S. Responding to birthday messages is the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRST

     

    Edit: changed my font color because it's my birthday and I don't have to play by ANY rules at all because today is MY special day and Mommy even said so!

    • Like 16

  14. Posted

     

    [voice_imitate person=Elaine Benes]SHUT UP![/voice_imitate]

    Tri-color rigatoni is my fave. One time on the first date with someone who would be come my GF for a long time (not currently though lol) she didn't believe me that the three different colors actually tasted different. I proved it to her with a blind taste-test.

     

    I did that with my long time brother (he's still my brother) and tri-colored tortellini.

    • Like 3

  18. Posted

    Here's what I got:

     

    Your rhymes are suck

    You are so foul like Donald Duck (this is witty and good because it's a play on foul and fowl...like a duck)

     

    Big time naughty boy, that's what you are

    My favorite mode of transportation has gotta be a car (he'll be upset you called him naughty)

     

    If you want to get in bed with me, you can forget that

    I'm the big boss dog like Garfield except he's a cat (standard confusion by switching cat with dog. He won't see that coming. Also, pretty big diss by discreetly calling him a gay boy by wanting to get in bed with you. You should pause while the crowd goes OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH there.)

     

    Mmmmm lasagna now I'm hungry

    Can we stop this rap battle now...seriously I want to get some lasagna. Let's let bygones be bygones and settle this battle over some GOOD OL ITALIAN LASAGNE! Let's shake hands friend*

     

     

     

    *as you extend your hand and he goes to shake it, punch him in the face and say SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE! Kick his ribs and call him a nerd. Drop the mic and get out of there. You''ll be a winner and everyone will know it.

    • Like 3

  19. Posted

    I didn't even think about reaching into the billion beacoup bucks bonanza, Andrew. Great advice. I'm gonna bleed the Pigs (or chickens) at Tyson for all they've got.

     

    Unrelated note, crunched the numbers and discovered that knock off brand pop tarts are 26x better than name brand Pop Tarts. Thanks for stopping by "Joe's Crunching Number Nook!"

    • Like 2

  20. Posted

    So I was putting some frozen chicken in the microwave today and it said three pieces for three minutes and so I put it in for 3 minutes and 30 seconds because I know that those directions are ALWAYS bullshit. Well lo and behold, I take them out after 3:30 and they're still cold on the inside. I had to put them in for another 3 minutes just to get them warm throughout.

     

    So, I'm going to be suing Tyson chicken for false advertising. This is bullshit...WHAT IF I HAD TO BE SOMEWHERE AND DIDN'T HAVE 3 EXTRA MINUTES TO SPARE. I think I have a pretty strong case and am looking to expand my wealth by 3.5 million dollars now. (1 million for every extra minute I had to wait)

    • Like 2

  21. Posted

    Cool story Tim, I really liked that but you forgot to mention that my balls got caught in the window because they were so honking big and all the ladies were totally oogling and oggling me saying, "Boy what a legendary sack that stud has. He is definitely NOT a pussy and I think that I'm going to go around the house to the outside of that window and give him a big fat kiss on the lips probably with tongue and shit because he has got me SO hot."

     

     

    "Friggin got a brush burn on my lips from all the hot babes I was kissing.

    Thanks for the lip balm, naked Kate Upton."

     

    "You're very welcome. I think that you are a great kisser and that song that keeps getting played is effing awful. Probably some limp dick total n00b made it I bet," says Kate.

     

    "Yeah, I dunno. He's alright I guess, but his dick is totally limp." I replied trying hard not to stare at Kate Upton's bare bazongoz bouncing up and down.

     

    "I came to this party knowing you'd be here," she said with a wry smile.

     

    "And now I'll have made you come for a different reason," I say pulling the sunglasses out of my pocket and putting them on even though it's pitch black but it really makes me look like a cool guy. Kate loffs so hard and it's real clear that she's super into me. "Come on, let's get outta here."

     

    She helps me out of the window and we get into the car that was in the end of Grease and start flying off into the night sky.

     

    "Wait," Kate says. "I have to do something."

     

    She makes me turn my flying car back towards the party and pulls out a can of spray paint out of the glove compartment. "TIM TREESE IZ A TOTAL LIMP DICK N00B OR SOME SHIT" is spray painted on the garage door.

     

    "Ooooooh yeah. Daddy like dat."

     

    I smile and loff as the credits role. Ignition Remix by R. Kelly is played over the credits while a cartoon of Tim getting the shit beat out of him by Bugs Bunny rolls underneath.

    • Like 8

  22. Posted

    Must be tough being poor and not having the pro-version. Meanwhile, I'm sitting on this fat stack of cold hard cash I earned from all this beet farming in this "garbage flyover state" that Tim was so hot to criticize. JK bro, you know I got your back no matter WHAT happens!

     

    Great ep this week gang. I would echo all the other statements that if I were to listen to any Hollywood Handbook episode that came out on May 27, 2014, It would for sure be the one with David Wain that was released on May 27, 2014.

    • Like 5
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