Blink your eyes 1 for yes, and 2 for...

[Blink your eyes 1 for yes, and 2 for...]

please put your pants back on.

[When in doubt, always remember...]

if it drips like honey, it must taste like honey.

[I just took a Donald Trump in Mike Pence.]

[If there's one thing I've learned...]

during my 10,059 days alive on Earth, it's how to count.

[Seize the moment...]

by having a seizure.

[Buy me some peanuts...]

and crack, Jack.

[Looks like we dodged a magic bullet...]

but your wife's still throwing shit in the kitchen.

[I'm a naughty little boy...]

said Pinocchihole.

[Billy Jean is not my lover...]

she's just a girl I met in the back alley of Wong's Kitchen.

[Someone's being a real...]

moist towelette.

[Well, powder my...]

balls and call me a snow angel.

[Do you have any idea how long it took...]

...to make that stripper inside the cake?

[Here comes the sun...]

and it's UV rays of death!

[Rise and shine...]

then go wipe all that shiny shit off your face.

[And I think to myself...]

what a wonderful world wide web.

[In times like these, I take condolence in my favorite Phish lyric...]

David Bowie!

[You know what they say about cemeteries...]

everybody's a Russian to get in.

[That axe you're using to chop wood can also be used as a...]

murder weapon #LifeHack

[There are plenty of fish in the sea...]

contaminated by nuclear radiation.

[I once walked up to a young couple and said,]

"Pardon me. Are you going to use that baby?" And that's the story of your adoption, son.

[When I visited Disneyland many years ago..]

Mickey Mouse kneeled down and gracefully whispered in my ear, "Find me some queso little ese."

[Back off Sir Lancelot...]

this is my bowl of Pad Thai.

[Puff the Magic Dragon lived by the sea...]

because his castle was foreclosed upon by the Bank of Honah Lee.

[I couldn't get a reservation at Heart Attack Grill...]

that's why we're eating at Hit By Bus Cafe.

[Lucy Im home...]

... from labor camp!