JeffBurtMacklinMarra

I finished the whole show and I legitimately have no idea. He succeeded at something. I just have no idea what it is.

My last post was a really bad post about a bad TV show and I decided to make it up to you with a "funny object penis" picture. Enjoy everyone. Stay horny, friends.

Whoa, I never said art, Valerie. Season 1 spent 7 episodes trying to convince us it was something that it wasn't. Season 2 wore it's heart on its sleeve. It also shouldn't have been called True Detective. It's not American Horror Story. You'll never like it because you never won't compare it to the first season. Forget it, Valerie, It's the Forums.

About True Detective, that is.

I can't wait for the next hangout. It's my goal to argue with Valerie Bryant(sp?) every single time.

This is for Souprman.

Jesse, Your last name is Thorn, do you call your family get togethers "A Game Of Thorns"

What do the NPR offices smell like?

Don't join the hangout.

My d. I forgot how to post images.

If you know what I mean.

Sorry, Silvrwoman, but I'm an artist.

Clash: Battle for the Internet Chapter 4 Jeffrey sheaths his laser sword in a really cool jewel encrusted sword holder. He breathes heavily and clears his throat. "Reddit is out to murder us all, we're members of the forum prophesized go destroy their way of life. But it goes deeper than that. Check this out..." He effortlessly rips the arm off of one of the giant robots and pulls a high tech microchip out of it. He holds it up to the group. "Property of E.W. Scripps" "Whaaaaaaa?" Exclaims Silvrwoman. "I really hope they don't kill me so I can figure out what this is all about!" "So, Mr Scripps is behind this whole thing?" Asks Andrew. "Blimey, this is bollocks!" "A group of you need to stay here. This is going to be our base of operations" says Jeffrey, "But I've got someone a few of you have got to meet. Valerie, Chanson, Joe, Soupy, Mike, and Andrew, follow me!" Silvrwoman, you're in charge here." "Alright, Jeffrey, you're the best. Souprman, no matter what happens, I will always love you." Says Silvrwoman "And I you, my sweet princess" Soupy responds. "Aight, let's blow this popsicle stand! You got a ride, J-baby?" Asks Mikebonetti. "Oh, do I ever!" Says Jeff. The seven heroes exit the ruined chapel and they see a super shiny and tricked out schoolbus. SteveH get's extremely excited and runs toward it. "NOT SO FAST" booms a tinny baritone voice. The bus begins to shake and suddenly transforms into a 25 foot tall robotic man. He has a friendly face. "Team, I'd like to introduce you to my personal chauffer. His name is Houstonus Prime and I built him in my shed. " PLEASED TO MEET YOU" the robot says, causing the 7 heroes to shake with his gravitas. "Knowing JeffreyParties, any of his inventions are gonna cause massive problems for us down the line" sneers SteveH. "Dammit, Steven, the Gulf War was 25 fucking years ago, when are you gonna put it behind you?" Says Jeffrey. "Maybe when you grow up and accept some responsibility for the loss of our friends!" Steve angrily responds. "Maybe you should blame who actually did it. Saddam Hussein!" "Guys, you need to stop and we need to keep moving" says Valerie Bryant. "Alright, it's game time" says Chanson. Just as the gang starts loading into Houstonus, they hear a loud beeping. "What's that?" The church behind them explodes in a massive fireball. Silvrwoman's head flies out of the fireball and lands at Souprman's feet. "Fuck" To be continued.....

One of the best posts I've ever read.

My little brother and I have bonded over Hot Rod since it came out. Every year I sign his Christmas presents with a quote and call him Kevin and he calls me Rod. We also call my dad Douglas Bubbletrousers on a regular basis.

What just happened?

Paul Rust is on another podcast today. I'm not going to say which one. Figure it out yourself, fuckheads!

Alright, so I'm having trouble writing chapter 4 of my action movie forum fanfiction. My problem is that there are too many of you. I'm going to kill off most of the characters in the next chapter. Confirmed survivors are going to be: Chanson and Joe McGurl because I see them as father figures and desperately am seeking their approval. SteveH because his rivalry with me has great story potential. Souprman because the death of his lover silvrwoman is going to add some pathos. Valerie Bryant because the I think girls should be priests. If you think you should also survive, tell me why. I have room for two other survivors, but need a good reason.

I sold this comment. This is now an ad. --------- Hey. America! Are you tired of knives that become dull in less than a week! Well our Ronco© knives are made to last. In fact, if this knife ever had an trouble cutting anything, call me and we will replace it free of charge. So call today at 1-888-987-2345!

Hey, Paul, are you having a good time? Honestly? I've heard that we're bad at asking questions, and it's gotta be a little draining for you.

And yea, I made myself a jedi, and better than all of you. Sorry, but I'm saving Sean and Hayes for a later chapter.

Clash: War for the Net Chapter 3: "Looks like this just got interesting" Norm says, as he jumps through the air and punches a reddit soldiers head clean off with his robot fist. Joe McGurl cuts a dudes arm off, and Chanson's dog comes in and grabs it. 20 more guys come into the building, and the robots don't seem to be doing much of anything. The room is getting crowded and the floor is getting red. "You've really gotta split" Honlads says as he cuts one of the bad guys clean in half, his battleaxe as sharp as ever. "Valerie, Get over here!" Souprman says. Father Valerie rushes across the church floor to where Soupy is. "They got him" Souprman says as he points to a body riddled with holes. It's Abraxas. He's super dead. "Slayner won't get away with this, goddammit" Valerie says. "Sorry bro" she says as she poits upwards. "You're damn right he won't' SteveH says as he pulls his mace out of a bodies skull. The room starts to quiet down, and the bodies of the Reddit soldiers are lying scattered throughout the pews. " that wasn't so hard" Anastasia says, perched on top of a giant crucifix with her sniper rifle. "Yea, but what about these giant paperweights? Silvrwoman says, pointing to one of the big robots. " looks like Reddit is a little behind in the tech department" Rose_cream says, standing a pile of ashes that used to be a person before he got to it. Before anyone can really catch their breath, a masked man floats through the back door, seamingly hovering through some sort of psychic powers. "You people are a disgrace to Sean and Hayes, and your jokes aren't funny! I'm neon1986 and I'm here to say, I'm gonna kill in a robotic way!" "And you say we recycle jokes?" Rose_cream says. "Oh, shut up," Neon says as he points to one of the robots, who proceeds to vaporize Rose_Cream with a massive lasergun. The other robot starts unloading on the rest of the group, who are able to get to cover. "Fuck, we're pinned down, what are we supposed to do?" Souprman says to Silvrwoman, who is crouched next to him. "I don't know, but if I die without doing this, then I never lived" she says as she plants a romantic smooch right on Soupy's mouth. "Shit, there's only one man who can save us now. I vowed never to speak to him again, but.... Desperate times!" SteveH says as he calls a number on his hologram watch. "You're needed, but you're not wanted. Get down here and stay away from me." he says. No more than a minute goes by, and suddenly, a cloaked figure bursts through the ceiling and instantly slices Neon1986 in half with a laser sword. He teleports to the first robot, and slices it at the knee. It falls to the ground and he leaps atop it and drives his sword into its robot head. Before the second robot can respond, the clank of a grenade hitting the floor right below it is heard. It explodes, blasting a hole in the church wall. With the enemies dispatched, the cloaked man walks toward the rest of the crew. He looks at them over and says "It's been a while, looks like we have a lot to talk about" He puts his hood down and RonnieHog steps forward, palm outstretched. "Welcome back, JeffreyParties" To be continued.....

Clash: War for the Net Chapter 2: The mood in the church hall is somber. A picture of a clown sits next to a beautiful casket. The aisle are filled with familiar faces, with unfamiliar looks of sadness. The priest, Valerie Bryant stands in front of a shrine to her fallen friend, and speaks while choking back tears. "Greggy was a friend to us all, and he will not be forgotten. He fought proud to the end, a god warrior of the internet. Our only consolation is that he wasn't married or a father, because that would make this story unnecessarily sad." Tears well up in the eyes of three handsome young men sitting in the front row. Chanson, Joe McGurl, and A Bear all silently weep. Anastasia is behind them, her strong stoic face showing cracks of sadness. The entire forum crew was there, the entire forum crew was sad. Even SteveH, who is normally a rotten fellow, is showing signs of having a heart. A loud bang fills the chapel, echoing through the pews. aeven armed men wearing burgler masks and alien antennaa burst through the back door, and the tallest and meanest of the alien men yells. "I am Slayner, the king of Reddit, and you fuckers are all dead! Boys! Open fir-" Before he can finish he gets shot in the shoulder. Souprman is standing there with a badass revolver, still smoking from the barrel. "You were saying, weinerface?" He says with a cocky grin. "Get them!" Slayner yells before retreating outside. The sound of his helicopter taking off is faintly heard by the crew. "Sounds like your leader is a bit more of a bleeder" Ronnie Hog quips as he pulls a minigun from under his seat. "Now let's turn this funeral into a..... Funeral?" The rest of the forum members brandish their weapons. ElisaMuffins pulls out her twin machetes. MikeBonetti has a flamethrower. Honlads has a battleaxe. Jacob C has two submachine guns. Father Valerie pulls a cross shaped sword out of the church's display. "We came prepared" Chanson says as his Fallout 3 style plasma pistol glistens in the light. "So did we!" One of the Reddit goons says as a pair of bipedal warmechs crash through the stained glass. To be continued....

Clash: War for the Net Chapter 1 'Click clack click clack' Greggy frantically types away at his keyboard, his rainbow afro rhythmically bouncing with every keystroke. "They must know, I have to get this out before they come for me" he says to himself. "This is the end of the world as we know it, but I must protect the ones I love so much!" The door creaks open behind him, and he freezes, a look of fear washes over his face, only to be wiped away by an accepting smirk. "I know why you're here, and you're too late. Maybe your bad KARMA is finally catching up to you." He says defiantly to the shadow lurking behind him. "Oh, Greggy, do you really think your forum losers can stand up to us? We're the front page of the internet!" "You might be the front page, but we're the 5th page of the H section. The one with the definition of HEART." Greggy yells as he hits the submit button. A gunshot rattles through the cold night air. A clown nose rolls across the hard wooden floor. To be continued.......

I'm friends with Chanson on Facebook now. He has some pretty cool posts. He likes landscape shots and his dog. He also captions his photos with minimal descriptions. He follows the number 1 rule of Facebooking; show, don't tell. He also doesn't try to be one of the Facebook jokers that I'm absolutely sick of. 9/10 +nice photos +his dog +unfunny -no Minions