JeffBurtMacklinMarra

I grew up in Staten Island, New York. It might not sound like it, but I did. For those of you who don't know, Staten Island is like Brooklyn and New Jersey had a baby. A baby that would grow up to be either a cop or a fireman. And you know, Staten island get's a bad rap, but it's just like any other suburb. I mean sure it looks like this. And this. But what most people don't realize is that Staten Island also looks like this. And this. And for me, every single summer since I was old enough to remember looked like this: The Great Kills Swim Club. This is where I spent every waking moment of my summers. From 8:00am Swim practice till they threw us out at night. This is where I found friendship. This is where I tasted victory and defeat. Where I fell in love. And it's where I had the best job in the history of the world: I was a lifeguard. Unlike beech lifeguards, who actually..... Guard lives. Then there are pool guards, who basically do this. The only reason I became a lifeguard is because of this idiot (Zach Pearlman) my best friend in the whole world, Frank Gones(?) Frank said girls couldn't resist a man in uniform and said that we'd be quote "knee deep in snizz." But the only thing Frank was knee deep in, was the baby pool. I don't know what it was, but Staten Island girls were never interested in me and Frank. They were always too busy fawning over this kind of guy. That's Anthony Debono. I'm pretty sure that Anthony was sculpted right out of a suburban mom's sex fantasy. Anthony was joining the navy. If he could pass the written exam.... He could not. As far as I could tell, being in the navy was like 90% push ups, and 10% saying 'god bless America' That's Mary Ellen, her dad was a cop and she was basically raised a dude. And that guy, the guy rolling in an hour and a half late to work: that's Billy Thompson, better known as Scooch. Scooch did this year round. Summers at the swim club and winters at the YMCA. He was a lifeguard. That's all he was. He was Scooch. We were a team. United together against this one asshole: Our manager; Chuck Cassina. Chuck thought he ran the place, but no one runs summer. It was paradise, but hey, even Adam and Eve couldn't stand heaven forever. And right after labor day.........

Nice. Great post right there. Take notes, everyone (SteveH).

.....for six months.

You can listen as many times as you want!

I watched birdman today.

'How did we end up here?" Jeff said to himself as he walked out of the local bar with his first beer. His first beer in what was sure to be a night of too many. And not enough money. "Hey, Jeff" he hears from the darkness down the street. He sees Rico, a man who defines himself with his broken dreams and his love of Quentin Tarantino. "What's up" Jeff replies into the darkness. "Oh, nothing much, working" responds Rico, his crisp white Oxford the only semblence of a man he sees. "What about you?" "Just another night in another bar" "You need a hobby" says Rico. "Well, I can't masturbate all the time" says Jeff, with no hesitation. "That was a joke" he finishes "Why don't you write jokes" Rico says. "My life is a joke, isn't that enough for you people?" Jeff says as he retreats back into the doorway illuminated by neon signs. "How did we end up here" he sighs to himself.

Testing. Do not like this post.

Zach Braffron makes some real interesting movie choices. Also glad that Catfish Stevens is still getting work. I haven't purposefully gotten names wrong in a while, but it always seems to get me a lot of likes. I did it twice in this post, so please like this post. Thanks.

Infinite Jest having an effect on you?

I had fun dropping in. This couple from L.A. is trying to get my friend to go home with them. It's cute.

Hey, man, just because I'm not one of your fucking wall street stooges don't mean nothing, Steven. I live on the fringes of society, you know, punk rock.

No chemical burns guys, just chemical induced paranoia. Which I'm sure you're familiar with, Norm *Mimes smoking a joint*

I had to go to work at 5:00 am to deep clean the fryers and I spilled chemicals on my legs and now it itches real weird.

Chris Rock, our close friend.

Guys he's referring to edging. Also, I'm going to upload the first two episodes of Jeff's Popcorn Gallery tomorrow

Anybody have any questions for Rick Moranis? #JeffsPCG

You should review Review and I'll review your review of Review.

Apparently batman has a big ass bulge in that new movie coming out. I'm changing the subject away from children back to crotches.

This is the best post about a crotch I've ever read.

Kara Zor-el is Kal-el's cousin, not sister. Thanks for the episode, but please pay attention when you make references in the future. Thanks.

I missed the PCG so I'm starting my own. Does anyone have any questions for Scott Stapp?

Or maybe I just know how to play the game.

We should start voting people out of the forums. Like a reality show.

Soupy knocks it out of the park again.

Are you guys doing a bit?