danpinto

96 percent of the general population should not wear fedoras.

A British author must escape a horde of Muslim extremists armed with nothing but a bike in: Premium Rushdie

A man got on the train repeating the name "Channing Tatum" out loud to himself. Now he's rapping about "keeping it gangster"

A spam bot favorited my tweet. Weird. http://t.co/vSxv2FHCZI

Actually, it's more like a Jurassic Park 4 elevator pitch.

Aim for the moon cuz if you fail you'll likely drift aimlessly in space until you run out of food/water/oxygen and die a very painful death.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not a ninja turtle. Even though I A) love pizza, am a ninja master and C) live in the sewer.

Die Hard - Cleverness + the President = Olympus Has Fallen.

Five word sentences are cool.

Get Rid Of Slimy girlS

Girl, are you 31st American President Herbert Hoover, cuz dam.

Headlines don't sell papes. Newsies sell papes.

Hinduism is all like "YOLO? Yeah, right."

I bet that guy I saw yesterday wearing a weird St Paddy's day Dr Suess hat named Josh.

I don't think Spring knows how to get sprung.

I know I'm late on this but, guys, Newsies is kinda great.

I never watched 20th Century Fox's "Rio" but I assume it is a Duran Duran biopic featuring lots of birds.

I uninstalled instragram from my phone and, with that, gave up any dream of pursuing a career in photography.

I wonder if gay people think about straight sex as much as straight people seem to think about gay sex?

I'm the exact right age for this shit. #LethalWeapon5

I'm trying to get over my bad music addiction. It's a dub step program.

If you contact me for work and your email ends with "Xx" or "420," I will not be working for you.

In Mulan, the song "A Girl Worth Fighting For" is sung by Mulan and her fellow soldiers but 2 of those soldiers are clearly gay.

Is she a good girl because she's crazy 'bout Elvis? Or is she a good girl AND she's crazy 'bout Elvis? We need answers, Petty!

Jedi in the streets, Sith in the sheets.