chanson

Really Sean? A fucking space ship driver? Like the ones that crashed. Fuck off. You fucking hack. Hayes, good job. Beach velcro pad ball, now that's relatable. I predict ratings gold. At least the AV Club and their team of charlatans will like it because it's both modern and old-timey at the same fucking time like some kind of ironic celebration of useless-things-of-the-80s hipster wet-dreams. Sorry, I'm sure the AV club people are nice. Sean, you really fucked up dude. You really fucked the fuck up.

Haha it's alright. I didn't take it personally. However, I do take issue with you phoning up Vashon Island Fire & Rescue and reporting my violation of this summer's burn ban and the allegations of arson which have been forwarded to the King County Sheriff's Office and King County Prosecuting Attorney's Office. I mean, as previously stated, the fire was on the beach so it was not a violation of the burn ban but I suppose that's a conversation my attorney and I should have now. Thanks for that. Happy Birthday to me!

Well, since it's on an island a lot of the houses are on the water and the beach is technically her front yard.

...Alex Borstein has a house on Vashon Island where my Dad lives. I had a sick bonfire in front of her house once. I don't think she was there. Good story, Chanson.

I know, once big spearmint moves in then big peppermint comes in and the whole town goes... I've seen it happen in a bunch of towns and it ain't pretty.

You should tell him that Washington is America's top spearmint oil producer. I think that's something that should be brought up on this podcast if it won't lead us to Hollywood success at least it will tell us where to go to be successful in the production of various agricultural commodities. I mean, Washington State University (allegedly a real institution of higher education despite my doubts to the contrary) estimates the annual economic impact of spearmint oil production on Washington's economy to be in excess of $150 million. That's an industry I need to know more about, Sean and Hayes.

So I have a concern that I hope resonates with people here. I'm still not successful in this industry we call showbiz. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely successful in most industries and all other aspects of my life. But this podcast promised me success in showbiz and that has yet to be realized and I'd like that to happen so that I can go on and be super successful in the other industries I've yet to get to like educational textbook publishing and spearmint oil production.

I think I speak for everyone when I say that this kind of rhetorical prose is too scary. A proper way to spend today would be baking biscuits so that one might have enough stamina for tomorrow's day of prayer in honor of All Saints' day.

Our constitution is like that of the UK: it doesn't actually exist but there's a precedent we use except when we don't so what we're doing isn't entirely random because it's been done before but it's hard to really know why it was done that way in the first place but the fact that it was done that way means that we have to do it that way now except when we decide that we don't but just assume that we do unless we tell you that we don't because that means we don't have to but might decide to anyway just because that's the way it was done in the past except when it wasn't done that way but now we've actually decided that it should have been so really it's like it was done that way for all practical purposes and this time is no different except for when it is different which we'll tell you about so just go about your day as usual until such time as we inform you to do otherwise. (Political) Science.

Every episode I find myself feeling more and more ashamed (in a good way?) that I listen to Hollywood Handjobs and am, with each passing week, less likely to ever tell another soul about the show for fear that my forum persona and enjoyment of this podcast will be used against me in some capacity, likely, but not exclusively, in a court of law or some kind of involuntary civil commitment. I also think that the people I know just wouldn't give a fuck about the show and apathy is the worst kind of rejection.

...I think that people who like Hollywood Handjobs just have undiscovered and/or uncategorizable personality disorders that lead them to seek out the virtual company of people who they can't see or form actual relationships with but yet feel oddly attached to... And also have formed a personality cult around two charismatic leaders and engineer Cody.

Truth

I hear that Jewish people are lizards... They also control the media. That Australian Jewish guy runs the media. I think his name is Bill O'Reilly. Yeah, that's the one. Truth Bomb!

so confused

This won't end well. Ask thenarnold.

Fuck you, Tim.

As a real-life person who has a real-life degree in economics from a real-life academic institution that is really accredited, I just wanted to thank Sean and Hayes for teaching me so much about economics. Their analyses this week were insightful and full of new ideas that my professors had never even hinted at. And don't think I didn't look up Sean and Hayes' work in the field because I did and I was surprised to learn that Sean has published several well-regarded books on game theory, most notably Modeling Stochastic Outcomes for Dummies and The Game 2: This Time We Try To Fuck Guys, while Hayes was a leading luminary in macroeconomic policy at the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis and the IMF. Very distinguished hosts we have. I suppose I will be more respectful of our hosts from now on.

Fucking Shakespeare... I mean I appreciate the shout out and all Shakespeare but being cool is actually uncool now so maybe simmer the fuck down.

Good vibes from this episode. Makes me think Andy has seen Vibes.

Happy FUCKING Birthday VEEBS!

hugs not drugs

Meh... I'm gonna go out against public opinion here and say that I don't like Halloween. I'm also broke which is why I'm at home at 9:30 on a Friday... Booo (non-scary).

Start one, I'll participate.

Clark Duke, 1.) You seem great? 2.) Do you think you're funny? 3.) Is hot tubs is movies or is time machines? 4.) How soon do you believe we will all die of ebola? 5.) What will the new society of ebola survivors be called and who will be its leader? You can't say Hillary Clinton because that's too easy.

Not gonna lie guys, I think Engineer Cody is my favorite part of this podcast. I know he had a rough start and I've said some harsh words about him in the past, but from now on I'm on team Cody. Cody, keep being a fucking homie, bro. Also, Fuck you, Sean and Hayes. No particular reason this week, just because. PS - Fuck you, Tim. (It just seemed appropriate. Also, there is precedent for rude greetings in Western Washington; in Chinook Jargon, the trade language that was used by early settlers to communicate with natives, they used the greeting "klahowya" which roughly translates as "I am miserable.")