chanson

Burdrulz, I'm so confused about what happened in that shower. I mean... Yeah, I'm gonna leave it at that.

I just wanted to spell it out somewhere because being a new person can be intimidating. And also, we can use every voice we can get to complain about Sean and Hayes and how they never interact with us on the forums anymore ever since they got super famous and the AV Club started talking about them. I mean, what a bag of dicks. I bust my ass on this forum at least once or twice a day for maybe five minutes and that's the fucking thanks I get? Fuck off. PS - I took an improv class in elementary school. It was a private school (the non-religious kind [so you know it's fancy and not some religious charity sort of deal]). Does that count as movies?

I'm gonna use your deference to make a point I've been wanting to make for some time. No one needs to defer to OG forum people when someone thinks something is a good idea or some shit. Just because some of us have been here way too fucking long doesn't mean this forum belongs more to us than anyone else. No one needs to apologize for coming to the Hollywood Handjobs Forum and fucking around. It may seem like a club where there's an in-group but, quite frankly, it's always good to see new people come onboard and contribute obsessively and unhealthily because it validates the odd community that has grown around this forum (and the podcast, I guess). So that's my spiel. PS - Congrats on the new job! Stick it to the man.

Gil, 1.) Is improv is comedy or is it movies? Is comedy is movies, too? 2.) Is your name ethnic? Does that make you more famous in Hollywood or is changing your name top priority? 3.) What doesn't your IMDb page say that you'd like everyone to know? 4.) How should Scotland vote in the independence referendum? Can you, in fact, take their freedom or has it already been taken for the past three centuries by myopic governments in Westminster and a bizarre lack of local powers throughout the UK to raise and spend local tax monies? If they vote no, should the rest of the UK stop subsidizing their addiction to fried foods and ban use of the word "cunt" to punish them for their selfishness and willingness to capriciously put national unity and stability at risk in a time of global change and uncertainty?

Podcasts is movies is radio but not radio but for your ears. How did you miss the beginning?

I get the feeling that Hayes' beard is sentient and seeks only world domination. I fear the reckless mind that would unleash such a terror on the world.

Really killed it this week, team. Really killed it.

Is it fucking Tuesday yet? Jesus.

Paul Scheer: 1.) Were you at Bumbershoot this year? I don't remember. 2.) Do you remember when I saw you and Jason Mantzoukas eating in the Center House in Seattle during Bumbershoot several years ago? I didn't say anything, but I just wondered if you saw me. 3.) Is The League the best show on tv? Is it movies? 4.) Where do you get off? 5.) You seem to be in a lot of indie/cult/non-overproduced (some might say underproduced) shows, many of which I happen to enjoy tremendously. Does that give you and your fellow actors/writers more creative freedom? Is it limiting in some ways? Is it hard to be taken seriously by people like Sean and Hayes? 6.) Do Sean and Hayes bully you? Who else do they bully? List names and ways in which they have bullied them.

Brian and Nick, 1.) Is comedy is movies? 2.) Do either of you have a cure for this GODDAMN COLD I currently have? Fact: calling it common makes it angry. 3.) Which one of you guys is funnier? (I already have an answer to this question.) Follow up: Is that difficult to deal with? 4.) I fucking hate eagles, too. There are so many better birds of prey than fucking eagles. Fuck.

Confession time: You guys, I have a secret, I actually like Cody. I mean, I know he fucks up sometimes, but he seems like good people all in all and, well, I feel like that means something.

Yeah, first listen was at my computer. Second listen at the gym. Dick out both times, of course.

I mean, Cell has been all over my dick recently about this study and I just burn (and laugh maniacally at) the letters I get from Nature and Science, because I'm a serious science guy, not some amateur piece of shit. Probably publish in Review of International Political Economy, just to be different and get a different perspective on my research. Since everyone else in the biological sciences is such a fuckin' hack.

BRRII: The data didn't show anything to a level that was statistically significant, I think I'm gonna have to tweak my experiment until the data starts looking better. FUCK!

Wow, this episode took a distinct turn from terrible to talking about me being punished. My dick is still out. Just FYI. I'm working on the data now. Fun Fact: I feel bad about the things I've done and just want to let Hayes and Sean know that I am truly sorry for being one of the backbones of their fanbase and devoting so much time to their podcasts and supporting them and shit. I'll stop doing that now. Anything to get Brett to stop being himself. PS - HugLife is working on an organic farm in Washington's San Juan Islands. In case anyone was wondering.

When I saw this episode I decided to take my dick out while listening to it. Just so everyone knows that I will be listening to this episode with my dick out. For science.

Loose nuts sink sluts.

It's okay. I kinda crush hard on girls I'm afraid of. I'm sure it has to do with my relationship with my mom or some shit. We're cool. Also, I get the feeling that people on here think we're like enemies or something even though we have actually FB chatted and are cool. I think we should keep playing it up as a weird awkward game. Siri, send private message. Siri, text mom and tell her she forgot to buy peanut butter. Because she's a lazy degenerate. Fuck. This is still on dictate. God damnit Siri.

Has she fucked Jack Johnson?

...For the record, because quite frankly I'm afraid of you (in a respectful way), my comment was not meant as a dig on New Hampshire. Just pointing out the value of native americans and their respective sovereign tribes and their respective tribal profit-making ventures for whose existence, like that of New Hampshire, I am very grateful. In case there was any confusion. Because your comment was vague about who you were mad at. And I've been one of those people before. And I didn't enjoy it. Done. Also, every state and territory of this great nation has its value. All have shitty aspects about them (albeit the level of shittiness varies by orders of magnitude) but I have yet to find a place that doesn't have at least one redeeming quality. In fact, some states have heaping quantities of both shittiness and redeeming qualities, often at the exact same time. Hawaii is a hellhole that is a case in point. It is pretty and those pictures will hide from your family and friends the fact that it was way too fucking hot outside and that you got skin cancer in the five minutes you could bare the heat. That's it. Otherwise it's a cesspool of racism, bigotry, poverty, and general desperation in addition to its extremely backwards economic conditions, high energy prices, and an unfathomably low level of infrastructure development or concern about much of anything. I prefer Idaho to Hawaii. Its beaches aren't nearly as good and its plate lunch leaves something to be desired, but I don't have to worry about malarial mosquitos or appallingly low levels of human development when I'm hitting the slopes in Sun Valley, so fuck you Hawaii. Real Talk: Hawaii and its people are beautiful and I love them and the underdeveloped but beautiful volcanic skin-cancer factory they call home.

That's what native americans are for. #Political

I think my thoughts can be summed up in this video (horse included): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GC5E8ie2pdM I don't know, it's really early, guys.

I wasn't gonna post this week to protest Tim's childhood photos (Fuck you, Tim.) but I just have something I have to say to everyone because I've been drinking. There's a hard-bodied longly-donged Tiger Scout guy on this forum who tickles my funny bone in all the right ways (makes me laugh sometimes). So yeah. Done.

Sometimes I forget that people besides us cool kids here on the forums listen to the show.

I think we all missed the point I was making. But that's okay. Back to watching other people play grand strategy games on YouTube until someone agrees to hire me for a "real job."