chanson

Pot, meet kettle. ...told you I wouldn't forget.

...so this is your hashtag intervention. You've changed... [awkward silence and meaningful glances] We just want the old Tim back... [more awkward silence, even more meaningful glances] This isn't because we're mad... [awkwardly timed dramatic pause, extremely meaningful glances] We just love you so much... etc.

PS - Charlie, your Small Potatoes song got a comment from Blenjamin Carmellica!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's like the highest of high honors (honours).

No. ...okay, yes. But only because I want to see who's going to be the first internationally renowned soccer player to be brutally murdered by Brazilian drug gangs.

I am 24 years young! Ahaha haha ha ha ... meh I give up on life. Lennon Parham, what dead actor would you most like to fuck? It can be an actress too, because I'm progressive like that, as Freja knows. And because my state, the great state of Washington, legalized such activity several years ago in a ballot initiative in which I (and Macklemore, may peace be upon him) proudly supported marriage equality. Just in case my progressive credentials weren't engraved into my chest with a sharp enough knife already. (Love you, Freja) Jessica St. Clair, what dead actor (or actress) would you most like to see Lennon Parham fuck? Yes, you can include yourself if Lennon first kills you. Matt Gourley, would you fuck Lennon Parham or Jessica St. Clair first? They can be dead or alive.

I very much like this. I feel like we're all sharing a very special moment here on the Hollywood Handjobs forums/love-in/creativity orgy. I'm honored to be a part of this, gang. PS - 10 forum points to BRR and Gryffindor.

...sounds about right. Also, we could all apply to be on the next season of The Real World. And then we'd be eligible for The Challenge! And we'd get to meet TJ Lavin!!!! Maybe Sean and/or Hayes could pull some strings for us?

...you mean the wave where I get labeled as some kind of misogynist? I think I'll pass on that wave.

I think you misunderstand me. I don't dislike feminists or feminism. In fact, I generally agree with your comments. However, I also understand that you do not and are not trying to speak for all feminists or the feminist movement in general. Your comments are your own, and I understand and respect that. That's the distinction I find important to make. However, I would agree with your comments regardless. I think they're spot-on. Glad I was able to clarify that. Edit: Also, I'm offended that you call Jennifer Aniston a bitch. Because that's a thing I'm deciding to get offended about for other people. ...don't think I won't remember this treachery.

Guest Request: Nick Offerman.

I was aware. Thanks though. ...Sometimes people refer to Europe as some sort of Utopia. And my answer is that it may be a Utopia but only if that Utopia has significant problems with racism, sexism, an unproductive labor force, and a severe lack of competition in most major industries. ^^hooray for degrees in economics AND political science!! James Corden, he's lovely though. So, I think it's alright.

...Are golden showers more common in the UK? It seems like everyone is taking everyone else's piss all of the time. Is that where R. Kelly got it from? It seems unsanitary. Also, when you guys call a guy or male person "hard" it does not sound like you're trying to say that they're tough or strong. It sounds like you're talking about their [redacted] and its state of arousal. Just so you guys know. Another thing, I like how many slang terms you guys have for vaginas. I'm not sure so many are necessary. But I respect that. PS - Fuck Napoleon and his metric system.

...sorely lacking in the Abraham-related asteroid cube department.

It has a cube that contains an asteroid given by God to the prophet Abraham too?

John Cochran, 1.) Are you mad that you weren't on The Challenge since it's better than Survivor? 2.) Are you going to try to get on The Real World so that you can be on The Challenge next time? 3.) Do you know any of the people from The Challenge? If so, who and how? 4.) How much do you love TJ Lavin? A lot or a fuck-ton? ------------------------------- Heck yes. Sometimes I just get flustered. I wasn't ever for reals mad.

So I went hiking today. I did not die. No need to be alarmed that I have not been posting all day. It was fucking beautiful. I also had two Black Butte Porters (one of the most wonderful beers despite it being from Oregon) afterwards to celebrate. Sue me. Is this the kind of disclosure you people want from me? Are you happy now? Are you? You blood sucking animals. Love you guys.

It's not normal. The sun has baked their tiny brains. They are hardly human anymore. We just look at Arizonans like one looks at a special-needs child who has smeared their own shit around and then come to you to proudly show you what they have done. You cannot help but be both disgusted and strangely proud of their boldness. One must recognize both the admirable qualities of people who live completely unaware of their own actions and also horrified that they are unaware, or worse, simply unafraid of the consequences of living in such a way. It's a very confusing but also often unremarkable place. New Mexico and Utah are better and less awful. And in Nevada you can have the same heat and human detritus but with outdoor drinking, which really makes the climate and people more bearable. Bad things about Washington: None. Well, extreme self-righteousness and nine months of overcast and drizzle. Also Twilight. Also 50 Shades of Gray. Also no basketball team. Fuck. I hate it here guys. Edit: Washington is lovely. Please come and spend your money here. Not that we need it. But we would like that. We need someone to pay for our new $15/hour minimum wage. Courtesy of the Greater Seattle Chamber of Commerce. Full Disclosure: I think Arizona is lovely... The Northern and Southern parts. Phoenix... Not so much.

Fine. I got my [redacted] [redacted] by tons of local island [redacted]s. Is that the kind of smut you want to hear you awful awful man.

Very spiritual. Thanks for asking.

Sean and Hayes Enter Sucking and Fucking Commence Sexuality

...is it weird that this is the only forum I post in or read at all? This is so unlike me. I mean, guys, I usually don't do things like this.

PS - So I listened to Charlie's podcast. Definitely worth a listen. At least one normcore reference. Even though I still don't really know what that means. Also, the idea that LeBron James wasn't pet enough as a child, brilliant.

Can't we do something more millenial-centric like boxers or briefs? Is this what Generation Z is talking about? Circumcision? Really? Agata, can you enlighten us on the kids these days? Also, fucking kids. Ruining America.

IMPORTANT HOLLYWOOD HANDJOBS FORUM RULE: -you get extra bonus forum points for drunk posting.

Or he's just a big creeper. That's the vibe he puts out into the world anyway. In case he wanted to know.