chanson

Hey guys, looks like I'm actually the guest for next week's podcast. However, I will only be accepting questions from myself (as usual), so don't bother asking questions.

Sometimes it's hard to tell when sarcasm and irony turn into passive aggression. Also, I also majored in economics. That's pretty awesome. See guys, we're not so different. I'm one of you too.

...Would this be a good time to say that I really don't care about football or sports at all? Sometimes I just like having something to get excited about and it was either that or genocide in the Central African Republic, so it was a hard choice but that's what I settled on. Plus, the Broncos beat the Pats in the playoffs, so you should be glad to see them lose in the Super Bowl. This can be your victory too! Just saying. PS - I have a very limited pool of alt-comedy and improv celebrity run-ins to draw from, so you guys should really stop ruining this for me.

For the record, I have not invented scented wifi. Although one must wonder about the marketability of such an invention, I concede that point. Touché Nick Thune. Touché.

Official Earwolf Announcement: Henceforth Hollywood Handbook will be rebranded as the Hollywood Chanbook. In an official statement, Scott Anchorman said "we here at Earwolf believe that this name change will attract more donations but won't negatively influence the artistic integrity of the podcast." Anchorman went on to explain that "it will still be the same super famous bros and their what up what up spirit that listeners have come to love and adore to an unhealthy level."

...I feel as though my question got distorted a bit. I think Blenjamin is jealous that my questions keep getting used on the show. If it's any consolation to you, Blenjamin, I don't like it when Sean and Hayes use my questions either. Not only that, but Sean keeps offering me your job and I keep saying how unfair that would be to you. So maybe think about that next time before you try to stab me in the back again. Otherwise, great show. Nick Thune seems as delightful as he did 12 years ago. But less goofy looking and more successful. Well, actually success is relative. So are looks. In fact, to some people he may be more goofy looking and less successful. So that's something to think about. PS - Sometimes I feel like this podcast is custom made for me. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. I mean, I like that and I'll take the attention, but it seems as though people like HugLife, Burdrulz, Veebs, TheNarnold, Whatever Toby Keith Sweat is calling himself these days, Freja, MattCameron, and all the rest of the gang are getting ignored and they're great, so maybe customize the podcast for them also without stopping customizing it for me? I know I paid all that money, but at least pretend like it's kinda random. PPS - Also liked the mention of Antigua. Not sure if that was a random mention of that island paradise (not that great actually) or a reference to an episode of the RsS. Either way, the mention of Antigua made me smile remembering that episode of the RsS.

quality

quality

It is interesting how the producers are playing a more active role in calling out the housemates during their interviews. It seems like they are stirring the pot more than they usually do, which I have mixed feelings about. Part of the Real World that I've always liked is the lack of interference from the producers in the day-to-day goings on in the house so that the housemates and their lives kind of dictated what the narrative would look like. Now that there is a clear overarching narrative coming from the producers in the form of the past relationships contrasting with the new lives the housemates are trying to live, it seems like they have limited their ability to build a strong narrative around individual characters and their personal struggles and growth. This makes every character pretty one-dimensional. Okay, the exes, especially Hailey and Lauren piss me the fuck off. Their unwillingness to clearly state what the fuck it is that they want from their exes or anyone else makes me want to strangle them. Thomas' immaturity bothers me and his lack of empathy is worrying. Brian might genuinely be a nice dude but is way too possessive and needs to back the fuck off. Which is a problem that commonly appears on The Real World and other shows that involve relationships. She's your girlfriend, not your property homie. What is it with people romanticizing the possessiveness that comes from overwhelming insecurity and paranoia? I think that Jay is probably a really good guy but he has this deep insecurity, probably something to do with his mom, that seems to lead him to do self-destructive things. The number thing is so childish but it is also quite clear that he isn't entirely in control of his compulsion to seek out that attention either. Not that he's taking any action to put a stop to it either, but I feel badly for the guy because he seems like a good dude.

Just so you guys know, Seattle's still here where you guys left it last time you thought about it.

Speak for yourself, I DESERVE THIS!

Forgot to mention that my favorite part of this week's episode was Hayes pretending he didn't know what The Challenge was. Priceless.

ladies ladies you're both "urban."

PS - I call bullshit. I don't even see what I'm trying to brag about. PPS - Really solid foruming this week, team. Everyone give themselves a pat on the back.

Si. Fue el monstruo verdadero porque los seres humanos no se propongan volar con las nubes entre de sus rodillas como el estimado profesor Frankenstein. PS - Not bragging, just putting my AP spanish to good use. Because apparently I have to say whether I'm bragging or not. I hate that guy also. But I kinda want to be just like him. Because he's so terrible. You know, in like an admirable way. Because he's so great but for some bullshit reason I find that offensive. You know, because I'm worried about my own mortality or some shit and that causes me to project my problems onto others. Whatever. Hate that guy. Love You, Bye.

No. Also, is it weird that I do the disingenuous "what up‽ what up‽" in real life. Especially bullshit business situations. Apparently people find it charming, especially the people I'm passive aggressively mocking.

PS

Almost tossed my scaloppine in my face when I saw this.

Collusion.

He also said that it was not good, which should obviously rule me out. The reasons are twofold, first because I would only use a Walla Walla Sweet Onion from the Walla Walla Valley, probably from a farm that is near the Washington State Penitentiary, also located in Walla Walla (wonderful town, Walla Walla, truly. Great wineries and home of Whitman College, a magnificent liberal arts college). Secondly, there is no such thing as a bad onion from Washington therefore eliminating me from suspicion altogether. Now, if it was a succulent, delightful, life-changing Walla Walla Sweet Onion from one of Washington's finest Walla Walla Valley onion growers, then you know it was almost certainly me and you'd be very welcome for the considerable improvement I had made on your life. Also, MattCameron already said he did it, which makes it extremely unlikely that I, in fact, did it.

Scoop Troop Riot

Halifax, Nova Scotia

So much Google. Also, bigfoots: real or not real? Discuss.

Hey, I totally would because I'm clearly the organizer of this group for reasons that escape me but I barely know what a Google hangout is... So there's that (also, I think Google is marginally evil and anti-innovation). But I'm down if someone else makes it happen.

Freja, feminize me, captain! Also, I'm inclined to agree with your conclusion about women and their conditioning. However, women also appear to be hard-wired to want to compete with one another... You know, according to science or whatever. Which, I'll admit, is a male-dominated field. So there's that. Oh captain my captain! Also, here's someone I'd like to see on the show: Jeff Dye