chanson

For Adam Ballsy (see what I did there?): 1.)I have always been an admirer of Adam Pally's facial hair. As a fellow beard farmer, I would like to know what Adam does to make keep his beard so awesome. 2.)In regard to the government shutdown, I would like Adam Pally to give us an insight into possible compromises that could be struck between the tea-party Republicans in the House and the rest of the Republican party to end the shutdown and avoid defaulting on the debt. Was using the debt ceiling as a bargaining chip for the eventual repeal of the Affordable Care Act a wise strategy or has it ended up furthering the the public's disillusion with the Republican party as a whole and how can the party recover from such a botched operation? Is there a solution that hasn't been proposed by the Democrats or the Republicans or have we reached the final stand-off which will lead to the demise of the current bipartisan political system that has been in place since the Civil War? - I have a paper due on Wednesday and I'd like a Hollywood insider's opinion. My professor is a huge Happy Endings fan, so I think I could get some extra credit that I otherwise wouldn't deserve. 3.)Something about Scientology 4.)The sports question 5.)How can we make Ty Marciniakk more clever? 6.)Why hasn't Andy seen Vibes yet? Would this solve the government shutdown? 7.)Is Sean Banksy? Love You, Bye. PS - I'm super excited for Adam Pally to be on the show. He's one of my favorite tv people. Jake Johnson was also on that list. It's like you guys can read my mind. All you need is Bus Stop the Mystery Executive and you'll have my holy trinity.

I volunteer as tribute!

PS - Is Sean insinuating that he's Banksy? I feel like I may have said that at some point in the past. I believe it. Don't worry Sean, your secret is safe with me. PPS - You guys apologized for the show not being a well-oiled machine, but as far as I can tell, it was pretty well-oiled. In fact, if engineer Cody hadn't fucked it up, it would have been the most perfect podcast ever. First engineer Brett, now engineer Cody... I see what they're doing and it's not gonna work. You guys are too big to fail at this point. Engineers Brett & Cody: I know that Entertainment Tonight and USWeekly are offering you guys obscene amounts of money to sabotage Hayes and Sean because they want to see the big guys brought down to everyone else's level or whatever, but it's not gonna work. Maybe Hayes and Sean don't see it because they believe that all people are inherently good, but don't think that us listeners don't see it. Because we do. Clearly Sean and Hayes are just naturally better than us mere mortals. So maybe just do your jobs and stop trying to ruin other, more successful people's careers. Like, Sean and Hayes didn't even want this, they're already burdened enough by the weight of fame and being role models and constantly being photographed and having to worry about nip-slips and not wearing underwear and then you guys come along and try to make their lives even more difficult. Really? You guys should be ashamed of yourselves.

I never clarified, we are talking about a fight to the death, right?

I think Hayesean Clemenports would win actually. But Sean Hayes would be a distant second.

So glad you guys are back! I really enjoyed the show and Jack Johnson was really delightful. I would have liked to hear some of his music though so that I could pretend that I didn't enjoy it and so that I could talk about how overexposed it is... Also, I'm kinda disappointed that you guys didn't ask all of my questions to him, especially the one about policy options in Syria. If there's one thing I've learned in my 23 (and 11/12) years of life, it's that people in Hollywood are the best informed and most qualified people when it comes to US foreign policy and world affairs. In fact, in my Poly Sci class we had a guest lecturer named Sean Pennsylvania, who's apparently some Hollywood guy (never heard of him) and he told us that the Iraq war might have been all about oil and not keeping America safe... I had no idea. I've been going to the University of Washington for four years now and taking political science the whole time and my professors, all of whom have PhDs and publish in well-regarded scholarly journals and have written numerous best-selling books, have never once given us such an honest, real portrait of what really happens in foreign relations... So I'm sorry if I seem a little disappointed that you guys aren't using your celebrity and this public forum to better the world. Also, Hayes, come on, you know how to pronounce my name by now. I'll let you in on a little secret, Hayes. (Sean and Sean's extensive network of agents, publicists, fans, any members of his entourage, and anyone in anyway associated with Sean or any of his diverse extensive business interests and holdings, please stop reading) You've always been my favorite (there's something about Sean's voice that makes me want to punch him in the gullet). Valerie Bryant told me you were some kind of asshole and Andy Kneis told me that he thinks Sean is bomb.com but wasn't sure about you and I was like "hey guys, Hayes is clearly the most chilled-out Boston-adjacent-strong bro in the Earwolf organization and anyone who says otherwise is gonna have to answer to me and my posse". However, Sean's irritating shrew-like voice is starting to sound pretty damn good, so maybe work on the name thing and we can all be friends again. Okay? Okay. Just so you guys know, I definitely didn't rate you guys on iJamz (or subscribe) and I also made sure that I didn't like you guys on Facepamphlet. The last thing I want is more of this show or to be involved in it's long-term continued success in any way. I'm glad I could help keep it under the radar. Love You, Bye. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQo1HIcSVtg

So, Hayesean, I listened to the preview clip and I know you were asking each other (or having your people ask each other's people to ask each other) what I thought of it. So I figured I would just tell you rather than let you speculate. I loved it! I really fucking loved it! I wasn't sure I would (lie), but I did. It was really fucking delightful. It brought down heavenly fucking beams of sunlight into the deep recesses of my blackened soul. I am also going to choose to believe that it was the reason that there was an entire day of sunshine today, interrupting the usual nine months of gray drizzle that we here in Seattle call the Autumnalwinterspring season. So Tanks But Yes Tanks for that as well. Also, I officially forgive you for quitting the Reality SHOWShow and I will pray every day that our Lord and saviour, TJ Lavin, also forgives you. Looking forward to some quality broing-down with my chilled out Hollywood Insider bros this Tuesday! Love You, Bye.

That's Numberwang!

That would be cool, but I really want to hear some Hollywood insiders talk about policy options for the Syria conflict... Also, I couldn't help but notice that Hayes was the body double for Miley's Wrecking Ball video, maybe he could talk about what that was like as well.

Oh Em Gosh I have so many questions! Question 1: Do celebs and Hollywood insiders only date other celebs and Hollywood insiders? Question 2: Are all the celebs and Hollywood insiders friends with each other? Question 3: Can you introduce me to Harry Styles from One Direction? Question 4: How do you get inspired for your roles? Question 5: Is craft services awesome? Question 6: Can you introduce me to Nick Kroll? Question 7: Are any/all of you Scientologists? Question 8: Can you introduce me to John Mulaney? Question 9: Is Kim Kardashian nice in person? Question 10: Can you introduce me to Jason Mantzoukas? Question 11: How many members of The Challenge cast (and extended Real World/Road Rules universe) have you guys met/slept with (I assume it's one in the same right?)? Question 12: How hard is it to adopt kids from Malawi? Question 13: Can you introduce me to Paul Scheer? Question 14: Is it hard being famous? Question 15: Will you guys hand my screenplay to Spielberg when you get a chance? Question 16: What are your opinions about the conflict in Syria vis-a-vis aggressive overtures from the Obama Administration and Russian insistance on a diplomatic solution? Is there a policy solution that has yet to be explored by the administration that could lead to a peaceful outcome and the ouster of the current Assad regime without backlashes against the Alawite and Christian minorities or the backing of extremist groups? Do you think we should be using such strong rhetoric after what happened in Iraq and Afghanistan and would a conflict with Syria lead to another decade-long American campaign to quell a civil war within the country or could we launch joint operations with our NATO ally Turkey and contain the regime enough to bring them to the negotiating table? Question 17: Is it fun living in Los Angeles? Thanks! Love You, Bye.

There's always Vancouver, Seattle's Blade Runner dystopian futurism-inspired, yoga pant-wearing neighbor to the North.

PS - Hey, Hayesean, can you make sure to give us a heads-up about when/what day your new podcast is gonna launch? I just wanna make sure I'm getting in on this one on day one so that I can speak to newcomers on the forum with contempt from the get go. On The Reality SHOW Show I had to earn that privilege by posting way way way more than anyone else. On your new show, I just wanna be entitled to be contemptful from day one. Thanks Love You, Bye.

I take the Jason Mantzoukas philosophy on Twitter... That it's evil and particularly pernicious because of the way it harnesses narcissism and the constant need to feel "connected" to everyone all the fucking time and uses the confluence of these two powerful forces to coerce even the brightest people into voluntarily giving away their personal right to privacy so that their data can be sold and profited on by people who have no business selling or profiting from it to other people who only want to help you meet hot singles in your area and/or make your dick bigger. It could also be the reason why I'm single (...ladies?) and why, not to brag (Valerie Bryant), I have an exceptionally (like, medically interesting) small penis (...ladies?). I only say that because some of my friends work there and have confirmed to me that this is, in fact, the case. Google is also a clusterfuck of even more epic proportions, but Google doesn't try to make me follow #celebs who I #don'tfuckingcareabout, so I say no harm no foul. PS-My aggression may or may not be related to the fact that I'm watching the season finale of The Challenge right now... While playing Grand Theft Auto V... It's been a good week. #TeamWes&CT

Vibes, Andy?

Andy, Vibes?

I just wanna say Tanks But Yes Tanks to you guys, Hayes and Sean, for being two totally chilled-out bros and for making reality not bites. In all sincerity, I will miss The Reality SHOW Show tremendously but I am very excited for your new show! I'm so glad we get to continue to enjoy you guys and your "comedy" (is that what you guys are going for?) even if there will be less talk about The Challenge in your new show. No need to worry, I'm sure I'll latch on to your new show as aggressively as I did this one and comment way way too much on the forums for it too. So you guys have that to look forward to! You guys are truly the best and your cynical sarcastic bullshit really puts a big smile on my face as well as tones my abs (because I'm bussin' up so hard). Thanks for 39 awesome episodes and hours of good, chilled-out broing down! Even though it may seem inconsequential, it has really been great having your show as something to look forward to in my week and, not to get too personal here, it has actually made some pretty difficult times a little bit easier to get through and brought a smile to my face and joy to my heart when I really needed it. I guess you could say that my reality doesn't bites, in part, because of you guys. So thanks again guys! Love You (for realsies), Bye.

Maybe Andy Kneis could submit something as well?

Piggybacking on this, if you ever need a Seattle correspondent, just have your people get in touch with my people's people and they'll relay it to my people who might let me know about it if the offer's good enough or whatever. Also, about your dms: Hayes, I'm not sure I feel comfortable doing what you asked with an octopus. Even if you have tried it before and it fit just fine... And Sean, like I told you before, I don't sell my underwear... Geez. Boudoir pics are one thing but I have to draw the line somewhere. Love You, Bye.

I think this more accurately sums up my feelings: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=My2FRPA3Gf8 Also, I'm pretty hurt that you guys told Miley before you told us... #unforgivable

GOD DAMNIT! I don't know what level of bullshit is being operated on right now. That said, I will follow our fearless leaders wherever they may go. Moreover, I will quote Henry David Thoreau here because my own thoughts are severely lacking in wisdom and gravitas and I believe this about sums up my feelings: "be it life or death, we crave only reality."

I think it says something about my childhood and/or life choices that I actually derive pleasure and enjoyment from being harangued by people such as yourself, Valerie Bryant. Way to keep it #controversial. Also, we believe that you have a boyfriend already, Jesus. Furthermore, I would like to know what kind of medication you are on that makes you so bubbly, enthusiastic, and outgoing. I would also like some too, please.

Is Wes some kind of 4chan god or something? Does anyone like Wes at all? I think I'm the only person alive who doesn't hate him with a hot fiery passion... I don't know why I like him but I honestly think he means well, which is why I feel sorry enough for him to actually kind of like the guy. Is that weird? Also, I'm totes serious about those sexy pics. You guys don't have to be all shy about it now that it's out in the open... Just dm me and we'll do this shit. Another thing, I'm pretty sure I heard Hayes say "this is our second to last show." What exactly does that mean? I mean that vis-a-vis the comment I made earlier about everything you guys say being complete and utter bullshit. Something tells me this may not follow that rule (that something being Hayes' guilty, sheepish laugh after he said it). Love You, Bye.

So, I watched the World's Worst Tenants "gamer" episode and it did not disappoint. One thing I noticed, the generator was giving off steam... Last time I checked a gas jenny doesn't give off steam. I also loved the casual racism the show employs, which, when coupled with the complete inability of the "gamer" to explain his "clan" in a way that would be at all meaningful to the rat-tail dude and process-server lady, made him seem completely unrelatable therefore implying to the audience that it's alright that he be treated as subhuman. Perhaps this is how real nerd-girls are treated as well?

One more thing, does the sexual assault lawsuit against MTV filed by Tonya have anything to do with Evan and Kenny not being on The Challenge for the last few seasons?

Hey guys, This is awkward, so I'll try to handle it delicately. Hayes got my name right the first time he said it this week and then after that mispronounced it and then Sean did some weird French thing with it... I'm super flattered that you guys are even reading what I have to say, let alone saying my name, which is really helping me attract the Hollywood insiders that listen to The Reality SHOw Show to my Twitter and Facebook and Google+ and Myspace and LinkedIn despite the fact that I don't do any work in the media field at all. I'm not sure if this was on purpose or what, but I don't think it's that difficult to say my name the right way, so I'm not sure what to think about all this name business other than to be really deeply hurt by it. #unforgivable Also, I'm so glad you guys realized how badly you fucked up by taking time off from The Challenge. I was worried that I might have to bitch about it more and if you couldn't tell, I hate doing that. The Wes comment really made me realize how successful he is and how much of a loser Johnny is. I mean, not to brag or anything (Valerie Bryant), but I started a company a year ago and I thought I was pretty accomplished by doing that. Now that I know Wes has 30, I feel pretty stupid by wasting my time on that one and not starting 29 others at the same time... By the way, I think Wes' monster truck competed in the Olympics in dressage with Mit Romney's horse. Another thing, I totally get what Jon Gabrus said about not being able to tell what level of sarcasm you guys are operating on. I'm not sure if it's Sean or Hayes that is instigating this but I do remember listening to the first few episodes of the show and truly believing most of what you guys said... Then I realized that nearly everything you guys said was total bullshit and that made me like the show even more. The one thing I hate in media is truth. There's too much of it and it needs to be taken down a notch. That's why I get all of my news from E! News. All things considered the show this week was pretty great. I'm gonna have to dock some points for the name thing but The Challenge segment was excellent and Jon Gabrus was delightful, so I'll have to give you guys a 9.5/10 this week. Love You, Bye. PS - RIP TheNarnold, miss you buddy. PPS - If you guys want some sexy pics all you have to do is ask... If you're into physically fit and muscular (not bragging, Valerie Bryant) but still kinda chunky hairy dudes with beards, I'm your guy. I've heard that's what you guys are into these days but I didn't want to be too forward about it. I'm not normally into dudes, but I do really enjoy competition, so now that JUSTfriends is trying to get up on that, I feel like I should too. PPPS - Doesn't running a gas generator inside create dangerous (lethal) amounts of carbon monoxide?