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Smigg

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Posts posted by Smigg

  1. Posted

    I call it "A Paultry Description"

     

    Paul describes a movie (covered in HDTGM, to keep it in the universe for want of a better word), but there is a "paltry" amount of detail. And we have to guess what it is

     

    So, for example

     

    "A guy and his friends star in a TV show"

     

    The answer would be... The Running Man.

     

    I haven't really thought this one through, I thought of the name before anything else.

    • Like 1

  2. Posted

     

    Fret not! I Goggled "100 Funny Questions." Surely one of the chuckle-busting, rib ticklers below should suffice.

     

    1. If you could buy any type of food what would you buy?

    2. What color is your tooth brush?

    3. If you could be any animal what would it be and why?

    4. What is one of the things you would put on your “bucket” list?

    5. Who is your favorite super hero and why?

    6. Describe your first masturbation experience.

    7. What is your favorite summer activity?

    8. If a movie was made of your life what genre would it be, who would play you?

    9. If you could be any flavor of ice cream what ice cream flavor would you be and why?

    10. Who is your favorite cartoon character and why?

    11. If you could go any where in the world where would you go and why?

    12. What is your dream job?

    13. Are you a morning or a night person?

    14. What is your favorite hobby?

    15. If I could jerk off to a celebrity it would be [blank]

    16. What is the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?

    17. What is your favorite thing about someone in your family?

    18. What is one of your weird quirks?

    19. When masturbating, what noises do you make?

    20. If you could trade lives with anyone for a day who would it be and why?

     

    1) Two Pizzas, acting as a sandwich for a rib eye steak in between

    2) It started off white, but now has red bits on it from the blood

    3) I'd be a giant tourtoise, because nobody suspects the tourtoise

    4) Just a good old fashioned metal bucket, they hold the same amount of water, but they're sturdier than the plastic

    5) Psylocke, because I saw Olivia Munn in the outfit

    6) Let's just say, in Britain during the 90s, some nights, every other channel had softcore it seemed.

    7) Criticising other people's grilling skills, and saying that it makes them less of a man

    8) It would be whatever kind of movie "Bronson" was, and I would be played by Dame Judi Dench

    9) Vanilla, straight forward, no nonsense

    10) WILLIAM FUCKING MURDERFACE!!!

    11) Las Vegas, because I like gambling, and there are fights to watch every other weekend, and I want to punch Carrot Top in the face

    12) Retired Billionaire...

    13) Recently became a morning person, now if I get up after 7, it feels weird

    14) I love video games, I'm not great at them, but when one hits the right chord with me, I'm on it for months

    15) I'm going to change this to "Celebrity Crushes", but Asuka from NXT, and Stephanie Beatriz are among them right now

    16) Someone bet me £20 that I wouldn't eat a dog chew, so I took the fucker down

    17) Buy Christmas presents, I keep notes on things my mum and my brother say during the year, and then pick them out

    18) Probably my obsession with Mortal Kombat, and knowing it pretty much inside out

    19) Put your hand over a bulldog's nose, it's a bit like that

    20) No one, what's the point? My experience have made me who I am, so changing that would mean I'm not the same person anymore, for better or worse.

     

    That started off half joking, and then became real.

  3. Posted

    I'd call in, but:

     

    A). I'm not calling San Diego from England, I'm not made of money

    B.) I hate talking on the phone at the best of times, so one that's going to be made public is even worse for me

    C) It'll end up with Paul being threatened with a powerbomb if the god damned Mortal Kombat Annihilation episode doesn't get made!

     

    giphy.gif

     

    And, because of the gif, just let me indulge myself briefly...

     

    E-C-W! E-C-W! E-C-W! E-C-W! E-C-W!

    • Like 4

  11. Posted

    Since I watched only about 20 minutes of this turd waterfall, I'm just gonna create names for awesome sounding Ninja movies.

     

    The Shaw-ninja Redemption

    Pulp Ninja

    Ninja's Day Out

    Terminator 2: Judgement Day: With Ninjas

    North By Northninja

    Ninja as Ice

     

    Also I am really upset that every print of the 100% Soft version of Howard the Duck is sold out at Gallery 1988, I fucking love their art and own a few pieces already and this one is amazing.

     

    Teenage Mutant Ninja Ninjas

    • Like 1

  15. Posted

    Let's make a list of everything that this movie considers "ninja-ing" ... I'll start:

     

    1. Cartwheels

    2. Cutting watermelon

    3. Fire twirling

    4. Moustaches

    5. Arctic camo at the beach

    6. Slapping

    7. Nose tweaking

    8. Purple nurples

    9. Toy robots

    10. Sand in the face

    11. Eyeliner

    12. Chewing gum

    13. Baseballs to the face

    14. ....

     

    The baseball to the face just reminded me of The Raid 2

     

    • Like 4

  16. Posted

    I have not actually. But now you're making me want to. Although I did read at some point that it's the same actor, but a different character he's playing...or it's the same character, but basically has a new life?? Something like that. Sounds insane..it makes the first one look like an absolute masterpiece by comparison.

     

    Same actor, different character, and all the other stuff didn't exist.

     

    What makes it even funnier, here's the poster for Bloodsport 2:

    51a2rl19hZL.jpg

     

    Bloodsport 3:

    MV5BMTM3OTQzMDA2Nl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNzYwNTkxMQ@@._V1_UY268_CR2,0,182,268_AL_.jpg

     

    Bloodsport 4:

    Bloodsport-4-The-Dark-Kumite-images-4ea26806-921f-497c-af49-2a35dfb7a27.jpg

     

    That's right, same picture every single time.

  18. Posted

    Okay, more weapon based fuckery, this time, it's the use of smoke.

     

    While I appreciate that these are "modern" ninjas, why would they still use smoke? They need something that emits smoke, which would probably involve carrying around some kind of cannister, especially the amount they were spraying out.

     

    So, why not do some research, and look into "Black Eggs", which have a similar purpose, they're used to blind their target, leaving them wide open to attack.

     

    They take a poultry egg, empty the insides out and fill it with either crushed glass, or a capsicon-based solution, break it and throw it in your opponent's face. The smoke just makes it harder to fight, because now you can't see either.

    • Like 3

  21. Posted

    I have to bring up the weaponry, because this shit is all over the place.

     

    With the exception of a few characters, a lot of these so-called "ninjas" are using the wrong sword. A lot were carrying katana swords, which is the long blade that the Samurai use, whereas Ninjas use the Ninjato, a shorter sword, which allows a quicker draw.

     

    A few were carrying the Ninjato, which is more than can be said for a lot of ninja movies, so I do appreciate some modicum of accuracy, as opposed to "They're Japanese, they'll use Katanas"

    • Like 3

  22. Posted

    To answer the question "What exactly is a ninja", it's a pretty simple explanation, they're basically guerillas.

     

    What Jason was describing as "henchmen" were Samurai. Samurai would serve to protect various Lords, masters and nobility throughout Japan, whereas a lot of Ninjas were peasants or farmers or menial labourers, which is why they attempted assassinations in the dead of night, wearing black, because they couldn't go toe-to-toe with the Samurai, because the Samurai were trained when they were very young to fight and die for their masters, so anyone without their level of training would have been destroyed with relative ease.

     

    Which is where this movie fucks up a lot, because they just take Samurai code (and Japanese culture in general), and just say "Yeah, Ninjas would do that, they're Japanese, so of course they'd do this", which could explain the weird parts of the movie where guys would just allow themselves to get their asses kicked, because they had been defeated, which could have been some misinterpretation of Hara Kiri (the art of redemptive suicide). so allowing themselves to be beaten up some more would some how redeem their performance. Which doesn't make a lick of sense now that I've written this out, because, if anything, they've embarrassed themselves further by just letting it happen.

     

    I hated this fucking movie!

    • Like 1

  23. Posted

    I punched out about 15 minutes in, as it wasn't grabbing me. While I love horrible movies that have bad fight scenes, like in Deadly Prey or Undefeatable, this one just came off as unenthusiastic like many of the Iron Fist fight scenes. What's interesting is in some of the reviews of this movie most seem to think that if the movie just stuck to the main plot of the ninjas fighting over the statue, it would be a decent film, but it gets so muddled down in worthless side stories and non sequiturs, don't know if that's true but it certainly wouldn't hurt.

     

    Oh fuck, they have to do Undefeatable, just for the "something for free" scene. It's on Youtube in full as well.

     

     

    Just so many hilarious lines in this one scene alone, it's a must watch.

  24. Posted

    Let's also not forget George Washington Duke. He did have some great line.

     

    "You a damn fool!"

    "Get up boy! What in the hell?! What in the hell?!"

     

    I think Sly has an affinity for the name "Duke", as not only do we have George Washington Duke, but Apollo's (and later his) trainer had the name Tony "Duke" Evers.

    • Like 1
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