Smigg

I call it "A Paultry Description" Paul describes a movie (covered in HDTGM, to keep it in the universe for want of a better word), but there is a "paltry" amount of detail. And we have to guess what it is So, for example "A guy and his friends star in a TV show" The answer would be... The Running Man. I haven't really thought this one through, I thought of the name before anything else.

1) Two Pizzas, acting as a sandwich for a rib eye steak in between 2) It started off white, but now has red bits on it from the blood 3) I'd be a giant tourtoise, because nobody suspects the tourtoise 4) Just a good old fashioned metal bucket, they hold the same amount of water, but they're sturdier than the plastic 5) Psylocke, because I saw Olivia Munn in the outfit 6) Let's just say, in Britain during the 90s, some nights, every other channel had softcore it seemed. 7) Criticising other people's grilling skills, and saying that it makes them less of a man 8) It would be whatever kind of movie "Bronson" was, and I would be played by Dame Judi Dench 9) Vanilla, straight forward, no nonsense 10) WILLIAM FUCKING MURDERFACE!!! 11) Las Vegas, because I like gambling, and there are fights to watch every other weekend, and I want to punch Carrot Top in the face 12) Retired Billionaire... 13) Recently became a morning person, now if I get up after 7, it feels weird 14) I love video games, I'm not great at them, but when one hits the right chord with me, I'm on it for months 15) I'm going to change this to "Celebrity Crushes", but Asuka from NXT, and Stephanie Beatriz are among them right now 16) Someone bet me £20 that I wouldn't eat a dog chew, so I took the fucker down 17) Buy Christmas presents, I keep notes on things my mum and my brother say during the year, and then pick them out 18) Probably my obsession with Mortal Kombat, and knowing it pretty much inside out 19) Put your hand over a bulldog's nose, it's a bit like that 20) No one, what's the point? My experience have made me who I am, so changing that would mean I'm not the same person anymore, for better or worse. That started off half joking, and then became real.

I'd call in, but: A). I'm not calling San Diego from England, I'm not made of money B.) I hate talking on the phone at the best of times, so one that's going to be made public is even worse for me C) It'll end up with Paul being threatened with a powerbomb if the god damned Mortal Kombat Annihilation episode doesn't get made! And, because of the gif, just let me indulge myself briefly... E-C-W! E-C-W! E-C-W! E-C-W! E-C-W!

Too late, I'm keeping it! I've told my family!

I wouldn't rule out the possibility of people lurking on the forums seeing the reaction to the jerk off calls, calling in in the hopes that Paul plays it, and then coming here to see the results.

Merci beaucoup mon ami. I did win because of the ninja history. Who knew that watching Deadliest Warrior would have paid off?

I love the show, I love the movies. And the creators haven't spoiled it for me by being dicks on social media.

The Matabatory Tales in the Explanation Hope Line just remind me of Jay from The Inbetweeners.

SMIGG WINS!! SMIGG WINS!! SMIGG WINS!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpF2JKtTISY

The constant references to "The Golden Ninja Warrior" just made me think about the TV show.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Ninjas

Ahem... more like, 'Sweet Valley Sai'...

It's incredible, watch them both ASAP. You're in for a real treat. If you want some other asian action movies, I can't recommend Ong Bak, The Protector, and 13 Assassins enough.

The baseball to the face just reminded me of The Raid 2

Same actor, different character, and all the other stuff didn't exist. What makes it even funnier, here's the poster for Bloodsport 2: Bloodsport 3: Bloodsport 4: That's right, same picture every single time.

Pffft, what an amateur, this is how you do it...

Okay, more weapon based fuckery, this time, it's the use of smoke. While I appreciate that these are "modern" ninjas, why would they still use smoke? They need something that emits smoke, which would probably involve carrying around some kind of cannister, especially the amount they were spraying out. So, why not do some research, and look into "Black Eggs", which have a similar purpose, they're used to blind their target, leaving them wide open to attack. They take a poultry egg, empty the insides out and fill it with either crushed glass, or a capsicon-based solution, break it and throw it in your opponent's face. The smoke just makes it harder to fight, because now you can't see either.

I couldn't have been the only one who thought the production company for this movie just ripped off their ident from Columbia.

I have to bring up the weaponry, because this shit is all over the place. With the exception of a few characters, a lot of these so-called "ninjas" are using the wrong sword. A lot were carrying katana swords, which is the long blade that the Samurai use, whereas Ninjas use the Ninjato, a shorter sword, which allows a quicker draw. A few were carrying the Ninjato, which is more than can be said for a lot of ninja movies, so I do appreciate some modicum of accuracy, as opposed to "They're Japanese, they'll use Katanas"

To answer the question "What exactly is a ninja", it's a pretty simple explanation, they're basically guerillas. What Jason was describing as "henchmen" were Samurai. Samurai would serve to protect various Lords, masters and nobility throughout Japan, whereas a lot of Ninjas were peasants or farmers or menial labourers, which is why they attempted assassinations in the dead of night, wearing black, because they couldn't go toe-to-toe with the Samurai, because the Samurai were trained when they were very young to fight and die for their masters, so anyone without their level of training would have been destroyed with relative ease. Which is where this movie fucks up a lot, because they just take Samurai code (and Japanese culture in general), and just say "Yeah, Ninjas would do that, they're Japanese, so of course they'd do this", which could explain the weird parts of the movie where guys would just allow themselves to get their asses kicked, because they had been defeated, which could have been some misinterpretation of Hara Kiri (the art of redemptive suicide). so allowing themselves to be beaten up some more would some how redeem their performance. Which doesn't make a lick of sense now that I've written this out, because, if anything, they've embarrassed themselves further by just letting it happen. I hated this fucking movie!

Oh fuck, they have to do Undefeatable, just for the "something for free" scene. It's on Youtube in full as well. Just so many hilarious lines in this one scene alone, it's a must watch.

Let's also not forget George Washington Duke. He did have some great line. "You a damn fool!" "Get up boy! What in the hell?! What in the hell?!" I think Sly has an affinity for the name "Duke", as not only do we have George Washington Duke, but Apollo's (and later his) trainer had the name Tony "Duke" Evers.

I thought Mike Barnes was underrated as a villain. Especially that first fight he and Danny had, where he's critiquing his technique, while he's kicking his ass.