Bernard_Shakey

Neil Young was at Woodstock with CSNY but refused to allow them to use any footage of himself in the titular rock doc. (Rock and Roll Documentary) ;)

Dance like no one's watching, sing like no one's listening, smell like no one's tasting.

Smooth move Exlax, I had ham in those slacks.

Whatever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paperboy? And being able to ask your employees if you can jerk off in front of them, while they watch?

No shirt, No shoes, No service? - No don't know anymore!

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. - Let's just say Times was all over the place back then and it was really sad to watch.

Give a man a fish - feed him for a day. Wait till that man falls asleep after eating that fish - steal his shoes.

Isaac Asimov? When does Isaac ever have 'em on?

My gingerbread House cures unusual and hidden gingerbread illnesses.

I told my wife I wanted a Nutcracker for Christmas and so she... she did. She bought me a lovely Nutcracker. Not everything has to be a joke.

Auld Lang Syne? More like "Old Wang, Sigh" am I right Ladies?!

We didn't start the fire. No we didn't light it but we also didn't try to prevent it from being lit. So technically yes, we are somewhat to blame for all of those deaths.

I'm here to kick bubblegum and chew ass and I'm all out of ass. P.S. You got any ass?

We better get an album of the songs on this seasons shows!

When God closes a door he opens up the possibility for a lawsuit because that's a fire safety violation.

Shampoodler for my real friends, and real poodles for my sham friends.

The ADPPP and a new Adam Scott Aukerman show? What an embarrassment of riches this month. I am reborn!

A doctor a day will keep Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter away.

I'm hoping for a Harry Potter SubPodcast - maybe bring in Chef Kevin. I don't know. I'm just spitballin here.

Wyclef Jean? Because Clef Jean.

Holy shit! Scott and Scott are back, baby!

The gutters in this city are filled with people like us. - Mostly street sweepers and gutter repairmen, but still.

Never look a gift horse in the mouth. And don't find fault with this free advice.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. This condition amongst doctors is called apple-phobia and is quite rare.

Jack n Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water? Wait a minute. Who puts a well at the top of a hill?!