danthebeast

Awesome! RT @sfegotist: Save It For The Show http://t.co/QlmfzPASij

New show! Dirty college living, saying terrible things in front of kids, @amandabynes, calling someone “boss” & more. http://t.co/PPGp7AD5Cq

Somehow my very first website from my goofy high school pop punk band is still online - http://t.co/vI9M5IRaP8

If you'd like to do me a solid, give me a rating/review here, so I can make it to "New & Noteworthy" - http://t.co/GnAm6r5OY5

Local TV news story says "Teapot or Hitler?" Memes are now news. We're doomed.

My kids LOVE singing about heroine!! https://t.co/DgghEpXWcE

Flips! https://t.co/KRw7AGgpK5

People who say "Put a broom up my ass & I'll sweep the floor" secretly just want a broom up their ass.

The best way to tell someone they are your boss but that you hate them is to call them "boss."

Someone just sent me an email with the signature "In good health" and now I want the opposite for them.

My Top 3 #lastfm Artists: Black Rebel Motorcycle Club (18), Daft Punk (9) & C418 (5) http://t.co/t6iZ13h5uu

Show with @mikerevolution! Love, @agencyspy, butt chugging, hating @daftpunk & Arrested Dev plus Mike's "accident" http://t.co/rPPlBJuEZ2

If you need to give a compliment but kind of don't like the person, tell them they're the "cat's ass."

Next you're going to tell me the creator of .swf hates calling them "Swiffs."

Perfect time to start pretending to like hockey and the @SanJoseSharks. Hope they get lots of scores and checks.

Me IRL - http://t.co/BhN4NzBWVu

You just know that the dog is going to die in Call of Duty.

I just hope one day I can love my kids as much as people love Daft Punk.

How many calories are in a cuticle? Asking for a friend.

The same people who threatened to delete their Instagram after the privacy stuff are now threatening to delete their Tumblr. Please do.

2Pac would be proud. https://t.co/9dUlh0IhFC

Yahoo's first order of business is remaining it Tumbler.

If someone doesn't help me get to the next level in Candy Crush I might kill myself.

How's your Saturday? Perhaps listening to me talk about dry humping in high school will make it more enjoyable. http://t.co/xxZV7k6szL

No one wants to go to your kid's party unless it's a drop off.