Freja

Hey listen man, I know what you're going through right now. Andy Daly implied that I don't bathe myself on a regular basis and Damien Fahey laughed at me and said he wouldn't answer my question because my name wasn't real... so I've been there, bud. It gets better. Anyways, would love to offer some advice on how you can get through this difficult time but I've g2g figure out how to order human beings to come to my home here at Sears to take care of the color-treated abomination that's happening right now on top of my head.

Ok. I see what's going on. You don't want to hang. You're trying to come up with excuses. I'm guessing OcterDoctupus already put his grips in you and lured you over to the JC Penney's he hangs at. Total battle of the big box stores sitch lol haha. I'm in the Misses clothing section. I sleep on a big pile of Kardashian Kollection leggings. But yeah, I mean, don't worry about me or whatever. Everything's fine. Love it here.

I live at Sears. Which one are you hangin' at? You should come in and say hi to me next time!

Yep, vegan over here who worships at the altar of Isa Chandra Moskowitz. Ok so I caved and made a gmail just now. frejakarolina@gmail.com. I'm bored as shit right now b/c I'm trying to flip from my night shift schedule (no, not at Sears... Sears is just where us corn-fed normals go to hear the pod) and my body doesn't understand what's going on. Is this hangout thing happening or what? Have you guys all been talking without me?? I don't know how it works but if I apply myself maybe I'll figure it out in the next few mins.

P.S. I've been gone from the forums for a little bit and am just catching up now... hugLife, are you a fellow vegetarian/vegan?!? I should have been more thorough in my previous creepster stalking of you, b/c I didn't know this. Pretty sure VB is (I stalk her on the reg, too). Anyways. Just wanted to like, bro out with you guys on that for a sec.

Favorite HH ep thus far is Brian Huskey's, obvi. I almost worry that he'll make a repeat appearance on the show because I may die from having my whole shit buss up. I listen to the pod while driving to work, and bussin' up on I-95 seems imprudent. Chanson, did you learn anything useful in your Women's Studies class?

Ja Rule is probably the only non-politican celebrity run-in I've ever had (as a recap, my parents set me up for Hollywood failure as I grew up on a nowhere Swedish farm and then when I finally came to the U.S. I moved to one of the most rural states imaginable which is why I have to go to my local Sears store just to listen to the HH podcast). Anyway, Ja sat behind me on a Southwest flight to New Hampshire a few years back (post-Ashanti, pre-prison). He's a super tiny munchkin, very irritable, and travels with a huge bodyguard (which.... why? Nobody on the flight recognized him, and as Sean and Hayes would tell you; you ain't nobody if you're flying coach!) My friend kept needling me to say something to him but I was all "nooo... he sounds mad" eventually I turned around and told him in a very official voice that I was a fan of his work and he was very nice!! His bodyguard seemed really happy that I recognized Ja-- I presume his job security was tenuous at that point. OK THAT'S MY BORING CELEB STORY BRAG HOPE YOU'RE ALL JEALOUS BYEEEE

Notice how it's only his lower half that's blurry? I think somebody's still a little self-conscious about his butt implant accident on the highway. #conspiracy #photoshoptruther

Mr. Manzookiss, I'm really digging your gigolo look on Kroll Show. Specifically, your sleek, straightened hair. Do you have any tips for how I could get my hair to do that? Summer is coming, which for me= frizz bomb time. PLEASE HELP I DON'T WANT TO BE EMBARRASSED IN FRONT OF MY CRUSH

I get the feeling you're all on the west coast (or maybe Chanson's Seattle-ness has just influenced this belief). I'm on the east coast and seeing her in Boston. I'm as far from Hollywood as it gets... or just about. Common Sence is probably further away and he's always stuck in traffic.

greggy!! You're a Sharon Jones fan?!? Now I like you even more. I bought tickets to see her in May after I read about her cancer ordeal... hoping it doesn't become a farewell tour

Keeping with the glamorous Hollywood theme of this pod, Mr. Gabrus: 1. Who/what are your picks for the Oscars? 2. Do you think American Hustle is an undeserving snoozefest? 3. Which Oscar after party are you most looking forward to attending and who will you be avoiding at said party?

P.S. I want to applaud Chanson for showing such great restraint so far in today's forum and NOT posting about the Seahawks, even though Nick Thune's comments in the episode must have baited him. P.P.S Go Pats.

Jesus Christ I would cry tears of happiness if H&S did a dating podcast. Or at least discussed episodes of The Bachelor since that's a true depiction of how dating is, no? Anyways, please H&S, give us more (non-heteronormative) dating tips! Bru-Bru, I haven't had Dr. Pep 10 because I don't drink soda. I drink seltzer 24/7 because that's what I was raised on (seriously-- try to find a bottle of plain water in any store in Sweden... everything is sparkling) and because I'm on that healthy living grind, bro.

I haven't seen that feeulm so I don't get your analogy. Due to my gender, I can only watch feeulms starring Anne Hathaway or Hilary Duff.

While I think Sean+Hayes gave solid dating advice on this ep, I've gotta say I'm disappointed that their osking tips only involved men osking women out. What about the ladies? It's 2014, fellas. Don't start stooping to Engineer Cody's level of professionalism... smh

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Scattered thoughts: 1. Thomas: is deathly afraid of anything that involves even just slightly heightened emotions. He spent the whole episode proclaiming that he doesn't "dill with drama". Probably b/c he has the emotional maturity of a 2 year-old. Also I'm not impressed with his Madonna-whore complex, and apparently he's not just projected it on Jamie but also on Hailey. Not cool, pal. 2. Brian: currently my favorite roommate. Loving his constant attempts at using what he perceives to be "big words". Also loved his reaction to Jenny randomly doing a Cossack dance in a bar by herself in the mid-afternoon. The tank tops he wears says a lot about him. 3. Ariel's girlfriend/ex: Who? Where you at, girl? 4. Jay: STFU about not getting girls' numbers. How many times is he gonna fucking whine about this. I can see why he might want to distance himself from his girlfriend who spells "loser" as "looser" and "Chinese" as "chineas", but still. I loved how a few episodes ago one of the producers busted him on the number-getting after he had gone on and on about how he was devoted to Jenna after his mom died. She was like "how come you're still out trying to get phone numbers in the club" and he was all "..............." I know jack shit about how "the dating/hook up scene" works but is this how people do it nowadays? Grab as many numbers in a bar/club as humanly possible and hope that one sticks? He makes it sound so... normative? 5. Lauren: uh-oh. I'm 50-50 on whether or not she's actually pregnant. Reality show producers love to trump up any and every possible dramatic situation for ratings... and nothing "real" has happened on the RW for like 15 seasons now so this would truly shock me if it were true. Then again, her reaction seemed genuine.... 6. Hailey: annoys the shit out of me but it could just be the way they're editing her-- it looks like she's always lurking in the corners of the house and listening in on every conversation between Jamie and Thomas. Meh. Everyone else bored me this week.

Don't play with my heart like that, you monster!

Wait, what city does Chanson live in? I seem to have forgotten.

You guys. I just realized that I never clicked "like" on the HH Facebook page. Despite listening to the pod since day 1 and hearing Sean and Hayes instruct me to do so every week. I blame the lack of wifi reception here in the Sears store (typing this up in the food court) ... but if any of you are like me and forgot to do so, don't be a dum-dum and make sure you like them on FB!

VB: Yup. WTF is right. Glad you're satisfied w/your booze cruise's gifts, but I feel like he bought you the <EHHH WRONG> articles of clothing... Why no lingerie? It's a universal truth that every woman wants lingerie for V-day. I was convinced Frank was gonna get me a Jane Seymour Open Heart necklace but I'm guessing he gave it to you instead? Does that make me the Zoe Barnes in this dynamic? SHIT. She's the worst. Chanson: I feel like you're baiting me with your comment about women so I'll politely decline to speak on it... Unless you want to read a long rant about how women are conditioned from an early age to believe that their self-worth hinges on their appearance and that every accomplishment in life will inevitably be matched against our looks and fuckability.

You forgot Amanda Knox, Chanson. I love Dan Savage so much. Except when he has Adam Corolla on to give his idiot sexist advice to people. "If men cheat it's ok, because they don't really mean it... but when women cheat they're emotionally involved so it's not ok" -- something like that. UGH UGH UGH.

My v. real sig-o, Frank Underwood , made this V-Day extra special for me. Just wanted to gloat about it in here in case you guys didn't get enough exposure to smug relationshippy stuff on your Facebook walls today!

If you need a dating podcast, might I recommend Savage Love? That is, if you're also willing to listen to people ask questions about their jock-strap-sniffing fetishes, BDSM, and people inhaling gummy bears as part of a sex act... (which i totally am).

Happy Valentine's Day to my fellow Handbook Heads! Carrying a flask with me in my purse today to take a swig every time someone calls it "Valentime's Day". FUCK. ...and for those of you in relationships; hope your sig-o doesn't get you Russell Stover chocolates. It means that they stood in the aisle at CVS, looked at the price of the good chocolate (Lindt, Godiva etc.) and decided to buy the far inferior, shoe-flavored kind to save a buck.