Dale Cooper Black

Picture it: You and me walking hand in hand along the beach. Waves crashing on the rocky shore. Up ahead, a Golden Retriever teaches her pups to swim. Several hedgehogs emerge from the nearby woods and join in the fun, playfully splashing amidst the puppies. A hedgehog beckons us to jump in with them. We do, leaving our clothes in a heap on the trail. I catch sight of a man on a hill, watching us with binoculars. I think it's my landlord, but it's hard to tell. The puppies, becoming more confident, start to encircle us in the water. There is a sinister edge to their seemingly playful maneuvers. The mother is growling at something, perhaps us. One of the hedgehogs gently nudges me. I can tell by his expression that it is time to leave. We jump out of the water and get dressed, as darkness falls upon us and a cold wind starts to blow. I wave to the man on the hill, still watching us but now in shadows and only partially visible. He crouches down and disappears into the darkness. Is he coming towards us? Or is it just the wind? A sudden noise sends me backwards, and I accidentally step on the Golden Retriever's tail. She yelps, and then turns her attention to me. Her growl is barely audible, but there is fire in her eyes as she stares directly into mine. I struggle to say something, to extinguish her fury, but my throat is tight. Desperate to defuse the situation, I manage to eke out the first thing that comes to my mind. "Sorry, bitch!"

Poop on me once, shame on you. Poop on me twice, now this party's getting started

...

Please read this dumb ol' catchphrase, it'll make my ma real proud

I've been to Heaven, AMA

Me no am Bizarro Superman. Don't ask me anything!

They saw it on Maury

In Canada, every day is please-and-thanks-giving

Designed by committee, natch

Praise cheeses

...

Isn't that a conflict of interest?

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A quick shout-out to my biological son, Macaulay Culkin. Daddy loves you, Mac!

Yup

Comedy Bamm Bamm

Down by the seashore

[sic]

That was me

...

And now he's tired

It was a pretty understandable mistake on my grandpa's part

When is that guy gonna start living up to his name

Or are they?

Groan