Dale Cooper Black

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January 8, 2014
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August 9, 2020
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Everything posted by Dale Cooper Black

FaceTime is just TacoTime with faces instead of tacos, right?

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Or vice versa
- July 18, 2016
My tattoo artist didn't clean his equipment, so now I've got pus coming literally out the yin yang

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

This statement may be open to different interpretations
- July 16, 2016
I've heard of Dennis King, but LARRY King?? I wonder if he's related to my next door neighbor, Dennis King

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

We call him "Dennis the threat" because he's such a menace
- July 16, 2016
I hate to break this to everybody, but you're all just a bunch of background characters in my novel about the first vampire president

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Wait'll you see what happens in chapter 12
- July 15, 2016
There will be a slight delay in filming because Adam Driver's driver's driver's license is expired

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Sorry, star war fanz
- July 15, 2016
- - 1
I'll hold off on seeing the new Ghostbusters until Joey Lawrence weighs in with his take

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Why am I picking on actor, singer-songwriter, record producer, game show host Joey Lawrence?
- July 14, 2016
Yes, let's build a wall between the US and Mexico, and let's put one up around Joey Lawrence while we're at it

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

And let's make Joey Lawrence pay for both
- July 14, 2016
The last time I went to Disneyland, they kicked me out for wearing my screen-accurate Donald Duck costume

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Musta been some kinda copyright issue or something
- July 14, 2016
Jesus covered his eyes while I changed my clothes, but I think he was peeking thru his stigmata

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Welcome to stigmatarama
- July 14, 2016
- - 1
I wasn't sure I'd be able to free myself when my penis got stuck in that crevasse, but I managed to pull it off

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Ouch
- July 14, 2016
No, I don't know what that smell is. What do I look like, Nostril-damus?

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

...
- July 14, 2016
If I seem excited, it's only because I finally earned my merit badge in lancing from the Boil Scouts of America

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

It took quite a while, believe me
- July 14, 2016
There ought to be a disclaimer in Finding Dory clarifying that dirty mop water is not the preferred method for transporting tropical fish

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Please sign my online petition
- July 11, 2016
I snatch purses and vice versa

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

That's how it goes, right?
- July 11, 2016
- - 1
Today I learned that President Garfield was not a wisecracking, lasagna-loving fat cat

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Turns out he was neutral on the lasagna issue
- July 11, 2016
First of all, I don't approve of these "ugly baby" contests and second of all, I don't understand why my taint was even eligible

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

And third of all, second runner up??? Have you seen my taint? #HaveYouSeenMyTaint
- July 10, 2016
- - 1
I ain't afraid of no choad

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

#Choadbusters!
- July 10, 2016
Before inspiration struck, Neil Simon struggled with his first draft of The Odd Single

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Before inspiration struck, Neil Simon struggled with his first draft of The Odd Single
- July 10, 2016
If you ask me, Lenny Bruce Lee Harvey Oswald the Rabbit is still the world's greatest lover

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Or something
- July 10, 2016
I wore my Nick Fury costume to the premiere of Captain America: Civil War. Side note: worst 3D I've ever seen

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

I am such a goddamn hack
- July 9, 2016
- - 1
I believe we make our own luck. Did I say luck? I meant clothing. We make our own clothing out of garbage bags and duct tape

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

We make our own hats, too
- July 8, 2016
If I want your opinion I'll ask Santa for it, he got the hookup for most anything

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

The only bad part is his delivery schedule
- July 7, 2016
I'll bet you're wondering how in the world I ever found you, Professor Loudfarts!

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

You were listed in the building's directory
- July 5, 2016
"Well, well, well," said the man as he pointed out his wells

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

That one is running a bit dry, he said, pointing at the catchphrase well
- July 5, 2016
"This is actually a pretty common problem," said the computer repairman as he removed the farmer from my Dell

Dale Cooper Black posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Hi ho the derry o
- July 3, 2016
- - 1

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Dale Cooper Black

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Everything posted by Dale Cooper Black

FaceTime is just TacoTime with faces instead of tacos, right?

My tattoo artist didn't clean his equipment, so now I've got pus coming literally out the yin yang

I've heard of Dennis King, but LARRY King?? I wonder if he's related to my next door neighbor, Dennis King

I hate to break this to everybody, but you're all just a bunch of background characters in my novel about the first vampire president

There will be a slight delay in filming because Adam Driver's driver's driver's license is expired

I'll hold off on seeing the new Ghostbusters until Joey Lawrence weighs in with his take

Yes, let's build a wall between the US and Mexico, and let's put one up around Joey Lawrence while we're at it

The last time I went to Disneyland, they kicked me out for wearing my screen-accurate Donald Duck costume

Jesus covered his eyes while I changed my clothes, but I think he was peeking thru his stigmata

I wasn't sure I'd be able to free myself when my penis got stuck in that crevasse, but I managed to pull it off

No, I don't know what that smell is. What do I look like, Nostril-damus?

If I seem excited, it's only because I finally earned my merit badge in lancing from the Boil Scouts of America

There ought to be a disclaimer in Finding Dory clarifying that dirty mop water is not the preferred method for transporting tropical fish

I snatch purses and vice versa

Today I learned that President Garfield was not a wisecracking, lasagna-loving fat cat

First of all, I don't approve of these "ugly baby" contests and second of all, I don't understand why my taint was even eligible

I ain't afraid of no choad

Before inspiration struck, Neil Simon struggled with his first draft of The Odd Single

If you ask me, Lenny Bruce Lee Harvey Oswald the Rabbit is still the world's greatest lover

I wore my Nick Fury costume to the premiere of Captain America: Civil War. Side note: worst 3D I've ever seen

I believe we make our own luck. Did I say luck? I meant clothing. We make our own clothing out of garbage bags and duct tape

If I want your opinion I'll ask Santa for it, he got the hookup for most anything

I'll bet you're wondering how in the world I ever found you, Professor Loudfarts!

"Well, well, well," said the man as he pointed out his wells

"This is actually a pretty common problem," said the computer repairman as he removed the farmer from my Dell

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