Dale Cooper Black

There is no industry similar to the entertainment industry – no industry that I'm aware of.

Thanks for your feedback, but just to be clear – is that zero stars out of four, or out of five?

If you had to build a full Ikea Liatorp system with one of these celebrities, who would you choose? Sir Andrew Lloyd Weber Sir Garry Marshall Cake Boss Daniel Day Lewis

As you trudge through life, remember this: From the dawn of time through countless centuries, nothing great was ever really accomplished by anybody.

I especially love the fact that Scott is talking to himself in the third person in this scenario.

There's a lot of buzz around the new Star Wars movie... because flies are attracted to shit! Classic burn.

Speechless fans watching the Dawn of Justice trailer can only lament what might have been.

"I need to make poopy." – Thus spake young Zarathustra.

Turd time's the charm.

Yo' mama so fat, she plagued by insecurity and self-loathing.

You told me you had an elaborate plan to meet Drake, but this is Ludacris!

This bathroom faucet reminds me of my penis, in that they both need a good scrubbing.

Of course, no list of the great banjo players would be complete without our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

THIS NO AM CATCH PHRASE, MOMO ONLY HAS BRIEF MOMENT TO TYPE THIS BEFORE LAB ASSISTANT RETURNS TO OFFICE. IF LAB ASSISTANT CATCHES MOMO TYPING THIS,

Enemy SNIPERS? I thought you wanted me to search for enemy DIAPERS.

Damien: Omen II is the Hump Omen.

Who could ever come between Gary Oldman and Gary Numan? Why, only Gary Humpman, of course.

Part three.

Part two.

Part one.

What's down, cold cat?

While the service is running, try to avoid roaming.

Or Sylvester P. Smythe.

If you wake up and find a horse's head in your bed, check to see if it's still attached to the horse. If it is, hooray! You have a new snuggle buddy.

The doctors replaced my hands with ping pong paddles. I'm living the dream!