Dale Cooper Black

Amidst the mists and fiercest frosts with barest wrists & stoutest boasts, he thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he gets the jokes.

So Glenn Close, and yet so Jamie Farr.

I've been practicing safe sex for years; I think I'm finally ready to do it for real.

By the power vested in me as Mayor of Earwolf, I do hereby declare this day to be Tango and Cash day.

It's come to my attention that the shit sandwich I gave you was supposed to be metaphorical.

Peen it like you mean it.

Ixnay on the eewaythray!

Maybe you should spend a little less money on STAR-gate, and a little more money on COL-gate.

I hate to be a downer, but... I'm a Benzodiazepine.

These foolish games are tearing me apart. Did I say foolish games? I meant wild hyenas. My bad.

I'd be happy to take you to Funkytown, if such a township existed.

They got to you, man. They GOT to you. Anyway, here's your twisty bread.

After the signage was finished and numerous ads were placed, the proprietor of Jean's Legumes suddenly thought of a better name for the business.

Sally Struthers and Tina Yothers briefly dated the Smothers Brothers.

Breast-feeding? More like BEST feeding, am I right, moms?

Don't cry, it's only a funeral.

We are all Draculas now.

A dingo ate my baby and all I got was this lousy catchphrase.

In Mother Russia, corn flakes piss on YOU.

If you're not using real rhinestones, you're just a WannaBeDazzler!

Buttercake, buttercake, buttercake, buttercake. You know, you're right--when you say it really fast, it does sound like a horse galloping.

I'm not going to ask you again: Where the fuck is Waldo?

Yes, we do have several children working in our asbestos mine, but don't go worrying your pretty little head over it.

Officer Stan Downe eventually had to quit the force due to some unfortunate miscommunications.

Objection, Your Honor! My client's attorney is an ALLEGED drunken asshole.