Blast Hardcheese

Because the name "Neon Eye Rape" was already taken?

Also of Soultaker fame, which you can watch here: http://youtu.be/kFfiTVlYECU

I'm surprised no one mentioned the rain-drenched zip-line scene, where Kurt Russell uses his belt - which is apparently made out of adamantium since it's impervious to sheering in half from the friction - to slide down a sparks-a-flyin’ powerline. The slow motion run-up is great, but the moment he makes contact with the wire and doesn’t get fried is pure 80’s gold - complete with exhale musical score to let you know everything’s a-okay.

Did the lady from Werewolf write that post?

I doubt June's sweating the opinion of someone who can't even spell the word "okay" (or even knows how to use commas correctly), but I'm sure this funny and talented comedian appreciates DARKNESSVIKING's insights on her physical appearance and will totally take their opinion to heart. Good job, dimbo!

A correction to your correction to my correction: While you are right about this movie playing fast and loose with geograpghy, you are technically wrong (within the context of this film, that is). When Zorin and his pals are on the blimp, he tells Scarface to "Hold position here." so that they can watch the impending carnage below. We then we cut to a wide shot of a valley, which we are to believe is Silicon Valley. Here's were things get ...squiffy: the southern tip of San Andreas Lake is near Milbrae, roughly 33 miles from Silicon Valley. No way could they see Silicon Valley from this vantage point in real life. So, we are to believe either A.) the writers took the liberty of saying that the San Andreas Lake is right next door to Silicon Valley, or B.) Zorin and his buddys flew 33 miles south to Sunnyvale in a blimp in record time (then flew all the way back even faster to pick up Stacy after Bond and Mayday thwarted his plans). Now, the Golden Gate Bridge is 17 miles away from San Andreas Lake by car. I don't care who you are; that's a fuckin' long ass time to be hanging around on a rope connected to a flying blimp. The top speed of the average blimp in inclimate weather condition is 40 knots, or 46 mph, which is sort of respectable-ish. Still there is no way that blimp could traverse that distance in a matter of a couple of minutes. Keep in mind, this is supposed to be a very action-y scene, so I doubt the film's editors wanted to plant in our minds that we're taking an long intermission from the action while Zorin and Bond make their way to the final set piece. So, yeah, in the context of this movie's dubious knowledge of geography, Zorin's blimp does go from San Andreas Lake/Silicon Valley in a matter of minutes. (((Mic drop)))

Of all the names I could have culled from the Space Mutiny episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000, I had to choose the one to thoroughly repulse June. Oy vey! Sorry June, but this was my favorite out of the bunch.

I must respectfully disagree. For the first two-thirds of the movie, Mayday was perfectly comfortable dispatching people in violent and needlessly cruel ways. She was, quite simply, a psychopath for hire. It isn't until Zorin kills her minions and leaves her for dead that Mayday decides to help Bond. Her motivation is clear: get revenge on Zorin by fucking up his grand scheme. Even as she makes her final sacrifice, she tells James to get Zorin for her. Mayday isn't a third act, seen-the-light hero. She's simply jilted. Jilted and evil.

The absolute perfect guest for Showgirls would be Go Bayside's April Richardson. Just sayin'...

Also, can plungers suction onto wood?

I've always imagined a cut scene where Tippet sees Mayday crouched down in the back seat, and says, "Say. What are you doing back there?" Mayday (embarrassed): "I... um... ah..." Then sheepishly gets of of the back of the car.

I'm surprised that nobody mentioned that the song playing during the scene where Bond crashes the wedding on the boat is - I shit you not - a dixieland version of Duran Duran's "A View To A Kill." Listen closely when Bond jumps off the bridge, and you can totally hear it. Oh, the French and their love of American dixieland jazz covers of British new wave hits! Other notables: 1. Regarding that opening scene, snowboarding pioneer Tom Sims (R.I.P.) did the snowboarding stunts. 2. Silicon Valley to The Golden Gate Bridge by blimp in a matter of minutes. 3. Bond's Ford LTD rental is only slightly less pimpin' than his break-away Citroen Deux Chevaux taxi. 4. I know that they're bad guys, but seriously; how can Zorin and Mayday drown a Rolls Royce? Bury the bodies and keep the Rolls, guys! 5. And finally, in the scene where Bond gets his mission briefing at the beginning of the film: microchips in modern toasters?!?

A View To A Kill is not a great Bond movie, granted. But the worst James Bond film? Not even close. Both Moonraker and Thunderball are much, much worse, and would definitely make for great HDTGM fodder. By far, though, Die Another Day is one of the absolute worst piece of shit movie - Bond or otherwise. Here is a rundown of the most egregious moments from this cinematic turd: * The invisible Aston-Martin. * Gene replacement surgery. * Madonna sings both the horrendous theme song AND gets a small speaking part, for which she "acts" out her nose. * The bad guy's body armor Nintendo suit. * Yet another diamond-powered laser satellite. * "Death for breakfast." * Laughably bad CGI wind surfing. * Holodeck simulated sex. * Fuckin' Haley Barry, man… And so, so much more.

So, now that The Cos is in the news...?

There was also another American French movie re-make by the same director called Jungle to Jungle. Both versions are terrible (the French version slightly less than the American remake) and ripe for HDTGM treatment. Additionally, the director of The Vanishing (or "Spooloos," a Dutch-French production) did an American version of his landmark, Criterion Collection-inclusive film with a toothless alternate "uplifting" ending. The takeaway here seems to be that we Americans have to pay the price for these shitty remakes because we hate reading subtitles.

No. I need closure. This film completely deserves the HDTGM treatment. The endless Google product placement, the horrible (and unnecessary) CGI, and the meandering plot essentially unravels nine seasons of fairly great television show. What was the point of this film? Who asked for it? Even the producers seem to know that they fucked up royally, with those horribly cheesy crew photos during the end credits telegraphing the end of their gravy train ride. The worst part of watching this celluloid turd was realizing that the DVD extra with the SFX dude reveals more about the plot than the actually movie does. Oh, and Scully solves the case with a simple Google search at the end of the movie. I want to believe, my ass!

Gah! This movie. It's either a smart movie for dumb people, or a dumb movie for smart people. Total excitement by repetition: one-liner, blaring rawk muzak, firefight, repeat. Which would be fine if this movie wasn't perported to be a satire. The problem is, Shoot 'Em Up doesn't skewer mindless movie mayhem as much as it wallows in it.

If the five-star reviews from Netflix of Monkey Shines are any indication... "the only problem i had was being limited to just 5 stars, this movie really satified my sense of justice and obsession for putting things on an even keel, its my new favorite movie, i loved it " And the ladies will, too!

Wait! Not the Mr. Turd! I love your celebrity feces website, good sir.

G.I. NOOOOOOO...!!! But, yes. That scene alone: I'm hunting this movie down right now. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this recommendation!

This: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRkAY1ClTMo

I couldn't agree more. As a tribute to Roger Ebert, and as an absolutely horrid movie in and of itself, North deserves every bit of scathing critique, biting sarcasm and confused rage June, Jason, Paul and (please, please, please!) guest host Pete Holmes can dish-out on it. Also, having actually watched North when I was a misguided kid, I need closure on this movie (it still haunts me to this day). Avenge me, HDTGM! AVENGE ME!!!

Lando, I'm still holding onto the hope that Showgirls will be the 100 episode of HDTGM.

Thanks, Must. Sorry for double posting (again). Oy vey! I really have to learn to use the search function on this forum more before posting my movie recommendations. Still, this "film" looks absolutely perfect for HDTGM.

Has anyone recommended this cinematic abomination from 2002 yet? There is so much wrong with this movie that it's almost too right for HDTGM. Can I get a witness? "Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever is an ungainly mess, submerged in mayhem, occasionally surfacing for cliches." -Roger Ebert http://youtu.be/8InYkHIP54w