Blast Hardcheese

"Big buttery moon up there... The sidewalk looks like ice cream if you squint hard enough."

I imagine this movie may have already been mentioned as a contender for the show. But just in case it hasn't, I would like to throw the 1994 "comedy" Exit to Eden under the HDTGM bus. Instead of telling you why this movie is so, so, so ripe for scrutiny, I'll let the schlocky, cringe-inducing trailer show you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzvoHzfiFOo How (and why) did THIS get made?!?

This film looks like celluloid vomit sharts: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmSZJ17ppEQ

I used to work a Tower Outlet store in the mid-90's where all of the returned or slightly dinged merchandise would be repackaged and sold at a discount. We sold previously rented VHS movies, too, and we had A TON of Escape From L.A. video cassettes that just weren't moving. Like, at all. Nobody was a fan of post-apocalyptic surfing, I suppose. Anyway, after being on the shelf for nearly 6 months (!) and selling only one copy (which was promptly returned for being "...the worst movie I've ever seen!"), the manager decided to donate every single copy of this movie to Goodwill (the distributor wouldn't take them back due to the damaged boxes, Tower rental stickers all over the cassettes and all that). He offered everyone who worked at the store a copy of this film for free. I remember one of my coworkers remarking, "I'd rather get an enema than ever have to watch that movie again." I took one home, and instantly felt roofied by this movie. Yeah, this film was a pretty great disaster-piece, ripe for the HDTGM treatment.

And this is what Andrew Vajna looks like: http://atlatszo.hu/wp-content/themes/wp-newspaper/timthumb.php?src=http%3A%2F%2Fatlatszo.hu%2Fwp- He seems to be doing pretty well for himself.

Okay, so Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 is not a "bananas" awful film, but it still manages to boggle the mind as to why it was made (beyond attempting to coast on the coattails the first film, of course). I hated this film, for no other reason that it posits that this schlocky, cookie-cutter, and pedestrian movie is the actual "reality" to a much more original, horrifying and realistic film, The Blair Witch Project. That's right: The Blair Witch Project was the fictional movie in the Book of Shadows slickly-produced, horror-cliched, and marginally acted universe! Add to this, a "book of shadows" is never addressed or even alluded to once in the film (what the hell does that even mean?!?) The main character lives in an old broom factory. There's a goth chick. And a Wicca chick. The Sheriff can talk on the phone and be on live feed TV at the same time. There's video cameras aplenty! And creepy children. Oh, and did I leave out that crazy twist ending? Groan... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WtrIgbvsWU

I must admit something here: I've listened to this episode AND watched this movie a grand total of 10 times already. And yes, every single time I've done both, it's been a beautiful, sunny day outside. This is, in my opinion, the best episode of HDTGM, like, ever. Pete Holmes brings energy and enthusiasm to this episode that's amazing, and his unbounded giddiness is obviously infectious, as Paul, June and Jason all crank it to 11. Even after multiple listens, this episode cracks me up to the point that my ribs ache. "Not Guy LaFarge!!!" I've watched the actual film 10 times because there seems to be multiple versions of it available, all edited in such a way as to omit or heavily edit key scenes. The first time I watched 88 Minutes was on YouTube, where both the "Kitty, kitty" torture scene and the trial at beginning were completely missing (it opens with the sea plane taking off from the harbor). Then I tried watching it on a "free" movie site where the torture scene is added, but the trial is edited in an almost dream-like fashion, inter-cutting scenes from the trial with the sea plane taking off (I so wanted to see this toothy lawyer Pete Holmes was referring to). Amazon Prime has it, and what a great use of that membership it is to watch this film there, I tell you what. I almost purchased a "Director's Cut" DVD at Best Buy the other night, but my wife staged an intervention. "Sorry honey, but we're not giving 88 Minutes room and shelter!" Whew! Anyhoo, I'm glad I could finally cop to my 88 Minutes addiction. Thank you for listening/reading. "MILK MAID!"

The absolutely funny, witty and snarky Lizzy Caplan gets my vote.

"Go ahead on."

This movie is literally a rolling shitfest. But in the most enjoyable way possible.

I'm not sure if anyone has nominated this cinematic abomination yet, but if not, this S&E review says it all:

Oops! Yeah, my flub - fixed. Oh, and the AC/DC soundtrack!!!

Jeff Garlin would be amazing on HDTGM. I third this recommendation.

Um, yes. Yes, I am very much a fan of MST3K. Favorite episodes: Mitchell Werewolf Teenage Strangler Space Mutiny The Girl In Lover's Lane Agent for H.A.R.M. Soultaker The Final Sacrifice Final Justice Master Ninja I and II

Now that Paul and June are having a baby (mazel tov!), does that mean a Baby Geniuses episode of HDTGM isn't far behind?

Elitist Prick, though I disagree with you about the RoboCop remake, you make several valid, well thought-out points. Good on ya. You've made a friend today. See? The Internet isn't all bad.

Respectfully, I couldn't disagree with you more about the RoboCop remake. Being a fan of the original movie, I honestly tried to give this Robo-"reboot" a fair shake. But, frankly, I found this film to be tedious, generic and bland. It's not a bad film, per se. It's simply didn't hold my interest. I was actually quite bored by it. The film does raise the "security versus freedom" angle in the opening act, but quickly drops this thread in order leapfrog on to video game POV action scenes, not-so-clever meta humor regarding marketing, and bland, forgettable characters I couldn't care less about. The lack of compelling and engaging foils for our hero in this film was staggering. I also disagree with you on the point you make that the original film's protagonist wasn't the film's focal point, but rather a cypher for the other characters to act and react around. The movie is, at it's core, about a man robbed of his humanity and regaining his sense of self in the end. RoboCop/Murphy is most definitely the film's central character. In a movie rife with satire and action, the pathos given to RoboCop/Murphy is, I dare say, masterfully executed. We feel for this guy when his memories come flooding back, root for him when avenging himself on his rivals, and cheer for him when he asserts himself by his human name in the end. I could go on to list the many, many, MANY ways in which Verhoeven's 1987 film is vastly superior to and far more exciting than the 2014 version, but I'll spare you. I applaud the director and screenwriter of this reboot for trying to take this familiar story in new direction and make something at once different and their own. But with it's PG-13 rating, this film feels as if it were designed by a committee to appeal to key demographics. It's as if OCP itself made this movie. A half-an-hour after watching this film, I couldn't recall a particular scene or moment from it that was in any way particularly memorable or noteworthy. While the 1987 film was action-packed, subversive and full of great movie moments ("I'll buy that for a dollar!", the toxic waste-soaked guy, ED 209 stymied by a set of stairs, etc.), nothing in this reboot stood out or commanded my attention. I do remember watching it with my head crooked to the side, cheek resting the palm of my hand, thinking that both Samuel L. Jackson and a surprisingly under-utilized Michael K. Williams were woefully miscast. Kinnaman's Swedish Vanilla Ice-inflected American accent just made me think that his character from The Killing simply got transferred to a Detroit police department. Oh, and that for a the most crime-ridden and violent city in America, Detroit in the future looks way more clean, sterile and sedate than the actual Detroit of now in fact does. Also that Robocop suit looked oddly flat-chested. Agree to disagree.

Has anyone recommended Waterworld? I'm surprised this "Mad Max On the Water" hasn't been featured on the show yet. Its sheer awfulness is, in my opinion, on par with Battlefield Earth and Batman and Robin. Thoughts?

This movie and everyone involved in it's creation deserve all of the retribution HDTGM can dish out.

Having now watched this movie for a second time (!), I can say definitively that Maximum Overdrive is absolutely perfect for HDTGM. I can also say, with confidence, that any horrible film I can suggest in the future (and I'm armed with Roger Ebert's book, Your Movie Sucks) will pale in comparison to this movie. Can I get a witness?: * Directed and written by a coked-up Stephen King (from his story, Trucks), who also cameos at the beginning of the film! * King's obvious distain for southern state Americans. * That opening bridge scene is an unintentional laugh riot. * The synth-stab soundtrack when someone is chased and killed by a semi truck, ice cream truck, curling iron, soda-can-to-groin, steamroller, etc. * The bathroom scene. THE BATHROOM SCENE!!! Complete with sloppy, plopping-wet foley. * A truck stop, filled with an endless supply of machine guns, and hillbillies seeminly resistant to use them. * A shoulder-mounted rocket launcher used under-arm more than once. * Emilio talking to the Joker truck about pumping gas as if he were a drug dealer. * An EXTRA annoying and hectoring Yeardley Smith (the voice of Lisa Simpson) as a newlywed, constantly crowing at her semi-heroic husband. * The ex-con fry cook contemplates that the machines taking over might be some sort of alien invasion, but everyone simply ignores him. * The dues ex machina closing title card where we learn Russian weather satellites - armed with nuclear warheads and laser cannons (!!!) - detroyed a large orbiting UFO. Oh, and that glowing green comet moved on, as expected. * "The survivors of the Dixieboy... are still survivors." ...and so, so, SO much more! Pete Holmes would have a field day with this film. Paul, please make this happen.

Holy shit! Yes!!! I'm 12 minutes into this movie, and I'm laughing my ass off.

Hot on the heels of the marginally entertaining reboot of the 80's satirical sci-fi classic, RoboCop, I nominate RoboCop 3 for the HDTGM treatment. Corny, cartoonish, sadly cynical, PG-13'ed, and be-jetpacked, RoboCop 3 is one of the most mind boggling movies ever made. Given that this film is the second sequel to a franchise that began basically as a comedy bloodbath with robots in it, how did this third film devolve this franchise so horribly cheesy and awful? Testify: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tv5Tc2xgQYg Added bonus: This movie has it's defenders. Check the comments section of the YouTube video above. Image what the 5-star Amazon reviews will reveal.

AKA: All About Eve for cigar smokers/Penthouse letter writers. This movie is a no-brainer for HDTGM.

Not a remake of John Carpenter's 80's film of the same name, but rather an unnecessary, stupid and pointless prequel. I can't even properly put into words how infuriating and perplexing this horrible film is to me. It's as if the script consists of nothing but callbacks to the film that supposed to follow it (is your brain throbbing yet?), but contains none of the gruesome horror, surprise or dread. Hollow characters, fake looking CGI, minor plot threads that don't connect to Carpenter's film (the alien craft buried in an ice cave rather than being cratered-out with explosives as it was portrayed in the 80's film), and the most important bridge to the 80's film (the Norwegians chasing the dog to the American base) sandwiched between end credit slates. Also, couldn't the producers come up with an original name for their crappy movie other than one that was already taken? This film is inexplicable. How did and why did it get made? I really have to know, if only to receive some kind of closure.

Did anyone else get Jason's "Our podcast can be your life" / Our Band Could Be Your Life reference at the beginning?