Blast Hardcheese

That's pretty amazing, actually. How are you guys not related? It a very cool, yet uncommon last name. How are things in Sac? My mom told me they tore down the movie domes on Arden and the Spirit of Sacramento sunk/burned. That town can never catch a break.

...and skateboarding aplenty! This film could blow-out Paul's "signs of a shitty movie" list.

I saw this back-to-back with Tomcats (2001) at a friend's house, and felt both physically ill and stupider days afterwards. Needless to say, I'm no longer friends with that dude. I seriously wouldn't wish this ugly, hateful and douche bag-filled movie on my worst enemy, much less a cast of comedians I admire.

Hey Rafterian, I see that you're based out of my hometown. Going by your screen name - which sounds close to someone I used to know from there - you don't happen to be an ex-pro skateboarder?

Mazel tov, Cameron! Have you and your wife decided what Hunter's first bad movie will be?

Sorry for being late to the welcome home party, but welcome back Cam Bert! Your insights here on the board and in the mini eps has been missed. I'm glad you're back.

The girl in the middle looks like every other hipsterette here in Portland. The more things change...

Can I ask a stupid question? Why do we need this film? I know that the DC/WB camp, in the face of such overwhelmingly bad reviews, has rolled out the line that that Suicide Squad is "...for the fans." And a dearth of fans both loyal and rabid (including Kevin Smith, Suicide Squad's creator John Ostrander and an embarrassment of Harley Quinn and Jokerlo cosplayers) have actually come out in defense of this movie. But is this really the adaptation they were expecting or wanted? A film written in 6 months, that suffers from tonally divergent and obvious re-shoots and was edited together like a 2-hour trailer by Trailer Park? With such rich source material, is seeing movie stars on screen acting out these characters in a barely cohesive movie better than what you can get on the printed page? And if this movie really is for the fans, is this the movie treatment they expect? Or is this the mediocre and lousy cinematic experience they'll accept?

...or, rather, when her brother/son is injured.

Something about Billy Zane's constant smiling and overall jovial attitude in The Phantom was really off-putting to me. Then I went back and re-watched this movie with the idea that The Phantom/Kit had special needs/was on the spectrum, and Zane's performance made perfect sense. Think about it: decades of living on that island, and Kit's dad perhaps conceives a daughter first. They "Chinatown" and produce Kit. How else would you explain a 25-30 year-old man running around in purple tights and striped Underoos decades before cosplay is an actual thing?

It's like this film was edited by a company that cobbles together movie trailers or something.

Huzzah! My plan to get everyone LOL-ing in the face of tragedy worked out perfectly.

Shit! That's what I get for multitasking at work. The above sentiment to you, EllenM, but times a kajillion.

Hey Taylor Anne, I'm sorry to hear about your break up. That sucks. Think of it this way, though: every time you think of this breaker-upper you'll associate them with one of the worst movie of the year. And in doing so, this person will become the Suicide Squad of your life. You'll see that you are better off without this poorly written, abysmally edited and shoddily put-together person in your life.

I couldn't agree with you more. This movie is utter dog shit, and (especially) considering it's source material, it had the potential to be way, way, WAY better than what we got. Leto's turn as The Joker was abysmal. He's like more like a Juggalo who just got off his shift at Hot Topic than the vaunted "Clown Prince of Crime." His performance - and this film in general - was gross. Not fun. Not clever. Not anarchistic. Just gross. I left the theater feeling like a sucker. I think the thing that gets me the most, however, is the forgiving nature of hardcore DC fans for the recent cinematic DC/WB fare. They're like battered housewives who can't admit that they're in toxic relationships. I mean, are these really the movie versions of their favorite and beloved comic book characters and stories that they are willing to accept? A silver-grilled and inked-over-with-the-most-pedestrian-tattoos Joker is the version these fans will put up with? Beyond inspiring the umpteenth Harley Quinn cosplayer with a banal and male gaze-inducing costume ideas, what use is this movie other than generating more blind devotion to a tone-deaf brand that tinkers it's properties to death?

My tagline for this movie: "Skullfuck Evil!"

While I too hope Suicide Squad doesn't fail, I think DC seriously needs a kick-in-the-ass wake up call. They've made Superman glum, Batman into a killer and Harley Quinn into a Hot Topic tart. Worse still, DC's movies are depressing and forgettable. They really need to learn that what works for Batman (and don't get me wrong: Christopher Noland's masterful Batman films are the height of DC's success) can't be grafted onto all of their other properties. It's like they don't understand the tone of each of their characters and need all of their heroes to be cold and brooding. As a movie-making company, DC's instincts suck.

The reviews have not been kind. My wife and I were going to go see it, but we decided to hold off after reading article after article lambasting the tacked-on bit involving Batgirl, as well as the the ensuing post-screening Comicon debacle where things got ugly between a blogger and one of this film's writers.

Oh, wait! What about the scene where Cranston is being followed by one of Khan's henchmen (in full armor, no less), and he alludes him by standing in a shadowed doorway. The henchmen passes, Cranston emerges, walks a foot or two and BAM! It's Chinese New Year Street!!!

I've never seen this "legendary" film, but have always been curious about it. Seeing it for the sake of HDTGM makes a certain amount of sense to me, so I hope they eventually review it.

1. Did Lamont Cranston derive his wealth from his (former?) opium trade? In this film, he's depicted as being a socialite in the Bruce Wayne mold, but his dad is just the chief of police. A high rank sure, but did police chiefs make enough to to foster their progeny's flamboyant, late-for-dinner lifestyles? 2. Why was the "Shodowmobile" a supped-up cab and not simply a supped-up limo or coup? I get the whole "hiding in plain sight" angle, but when compared to the Batmobile (and it's so painfully obvious this film was gunning for Batman territory with it's budget-Anton Furst production design and Danny Elfman-lifted soundtrack) a cab is a lame substitute to a tricked-out hero wagon. 3. What New York bridge is this supposed to be? For the "city that never sleeps," there is absolutely no other people or traffic on it at all. And it's so rinky-dink and narrow, it looks like it would only allow for two lanes of traffic at most. 4. In the back of the cab when The Shadow calls the professor he just saved by his name and gives him a mini-bio, did anyone else hear Alec Baldwin's narration from The Royal Tenenbaums? 5. Was that title card crawl at the beginning of the film inserted by the studio because they thought that audiences wouldn't get the idea that Cranston came back to New York and started his crusade after being trained by his master during the last seven years? 6. The Cobalt Club: was there any other color that defined the 1990's more than cobalt blue? Beige, perhaps, but cobalt blue was the shit back then. 7. How did no mention the line, "Next time, you get to be on top"? It comes during the scene where The Shadow goes to The Professor's building to save him from Khan's gang. At one point, The Shadow lifts one of the henchmen up off the ground by his helmet, and, in a physics-defying move, is flipped over by the henchmen WWF style, and the two go tumbling over the side of the building. They fall and land on a eagle/gargoyle thing jutting-out from the building, with the baddy landing first and The Shadow immediately on top of him. It's a really weird line read. I mean, "Next time..."?!? 8. No one (kids, homeless people, the curious, etc.) would wander into the empty lot where the shrouded building is? Sure, everyone is hypnotized into thinking the building was torn down and there is an empty lot with a rickety fence surrounding it there now, but are they also whammied into not going into the lot? 9. So, at the beginning, when the opium farmer takes Cranston's like-a-father-to-him by knife-point, how shitty and telegraphed was that move? The answer: incredibly. 10. One of the five-star Yahoo movie reviewers commented on the attention to timeliness of this film, noting everything being period correct. Did they not hear the dulcet Kenny G-like smooth jazz during the scene in The Cobalt Club when Cranston introduces himself to Penelope Ann Miller's (or, P.A.M., if you will) character? Oh, and regarding Tommy guns in movies, there are only a few instances I can think of where someone isn't wielding one all out-of-control. The best (and, to my mind, most bad ass) version is the scene in Miller's Crossing when Albert Finney's Leo gets the drop on the goons that come to his house to assassinate him. The entire scene is great, and the sound effect for this gun pretty awesome in an over-the-top Indian Jones's sound effect kind of way.

I remember Spy Magazine running an article called something like "Why Is Hollywood In Love With The Retarded?" I'm not sure if this movie made that list, but it definitely should have. For a hot minute there, films like this were desperate Oscar bait. R.I.P. Garry Marshall.

Taylor Anne, don't you get my hopes up! My dream HDTGM movie is a bit less ambitious, like The Amazing Spider-Man 2. But good gawd almighty would I love to finally have a reason to watch Dreamcatcher.

Thank you! I saw this movie with a soon-to-be ex, who insisted this film was all mysterious and clever with it's nods. I was of the opposite opinion, stating that all of the references and "clues" were painfully obvious and easily spelled-out; the Duplo Blocks version of a horror mystery; a faux-Faustian thriller made for chunkheads, essentially. Needless to say, that relationship didn't last.

I completely agree. This isn't like David Lynch's Mulholland Drive, in which the dreamlike quality of the film was interesting and the seemingly tangential narrative pieces were connected. Southland Tales simply meandered, as if it was being written and directed as the filmmakers went along. Add to this, it's fuckin' boring. This supposed edgy film simply sat around the house.