Blast Hardcheese

Maybe you have a higher tolerance for dreck, mrrichardson. I saw this movie as a kid when it came out on VHS and was simply amazed at it horribleness. I remember this film distinctly as being the first worst movie I'd ever seen up to that point. This mild comedy (and that's being generous, as North's "jokes" are mostly tone-deaf and veer into ugly racist stereotypes) made a young, movie-loving me realize that not all films have the potential to be good. Add to this, that if it weren't for the chutzpah to give voice to those horrible jokes, this movie would be dreadfully - painfully - dull. I don't think this movie is underrated or under-appreciated at all; in the court of cinema-going public opinion, this move is rated as a failure quite perfectly. Even mindless drones who bow to the opinions their mighty and powerful movie reviewing overlords can honestly and freely agree that this movie roundly sucks One last thing: I can usually find one moment - one nugget of cinematic gold - in even the worst of movies ever made. Those moments when one scene, one actor, one line, or one little moment adds a much-needed sparkle to an otherwise turd of a movie. It could be a simple moment, or something tossed-off and random. Every bad movie has at least one redeemable moment. To my mind, North does not. Sorry, bro.

I think we're supposed to believe she's an expert chef by asking this question like a boss (like, "Where are my portobello mushrooms?") But instead of sounding authoritative and/or assertive, she sounds clueless and out of her element. The farmer's retort should have been "What you see is what we have. Get here earlier next time."

The Rube-Goldberg device irritated me, as well. It's like the producers needed to jam one more quirky gimmick in to the film. But, unlike pretty much everything else in this movie, at least this contraption has some sort of pay-off. Also, like any decent Rube-Goldberg machine, Simply Irresistible itself utilizes the clunkiest and needless devices imaginable to ultimately get to a point that could have been reached simply more effectively. This movie is a Rube-Goldberg torture device, essentially.

Is it really love if one or the both of you is magically drugged into it?

Good gawd, this aggressively charming-ish movie! · I’m surprised no one brought up the line, “Take my crabs!” when Gino Reilly/Dan Aykroyd meets SMG at the public market. When a stranger tells you this, run like hell! · How about this film’s totally 90’s soundtrack? It sounds like the Dollar Tree version of the Singles soundtrack. · Then there's the absolutely abysmal cover of The Police’s “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” is a double movie foul because it’s A. a shitty cover, and B. on-the-nose to the action and premise of the film. · Towards the beginning of the film, SMG is in the kitchen of her restaurant, jealous of Sean Patrick Flannery having lunch with Amanda Peet. She smashes some crabmeat into oblivion with a mallet and throws it into a saucepan while saying “Ew!” Seconds later, she looks at another piece of food, is repulsed for some unknown reason and repeats “Ew!” No wonder her restaurant is failing, given her weak constitution for… food. · SMG and SPF have negative chemistry in this movie. I don’t understand that motivation for them getting together beyond Gino Reilly insisting that they do. Why - beyond having his own department store - is she attracted to this guy? And what does he see in her? He doesn’t even use his computer algorithm to deduce if they’d make for a good couple or not. These two people could not have been more different and this movie gives us no compelling reason for these them to be together. SMG has more chemistry with her sous chef, who during the finale, tells her to believe in herself the way he does, essentially. She should have gotten together with him. Compare this to SPF’s character, which gives up on her and doubts her abilities when HE actually needs her the most. · This film has no real conflict. I mean, was Amanda Peet supposed the antagonist of this film? Because she’s in this movie all of 5 minutes. Add to this, her character’s gone before the end of first act. · Close your eyes and drink in the audio of Patricia Clarkson eating the magic-laced éclair, dialog and all. You’re welcome. · Speaking of Patricia Clarkson, that silver dress-and-gloves number? Homina, homina, homina! I would have rather seen an entire movie about her character shopping for and purchasing that dress, with the events of this movie going on in the background. · Patty Clarkson and SPF are sitting on the couch and she says to him “You wanna hear a juicy rumor?” I swear I heard her say, “You wanna havy a jizzy rimmer.” · Jonathan, the name of SPF’s restaurant in this film, is also the name of one of the nerds in The Trio, the bad guys during the 6th season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Huzzah! · How putrid would that crab smell by the end of this film? It’s not placed in water at any time during the movie, even when it’s introduced. · Given SMG accidental roofyings, SPF behaves like a junkie. He’s irritable, insanely paranoid and gradually stops taking care of himself. And this is our main character’s love interest. · Why a crab and not a magical cook/spell-casting book? Oh, I don’t know. Like, say, her mom’s cookbook she brings downstairs when she finds those earrings. Just make the cookbook a magic spell book. · What if this entire story takes place in the crab’s imagination, LA Law style? Finally, here are two final points not about Simply Irresistible: · After 911, the opening of Sex & The City edited-out the image of the Twin Towers. · Drew Mira, unless you're looking for a place to kill your dreams by boring them to death, DO NOT MOVE TO SACRAMENTO!

Agreed. Pork Chop Sandwiches is Feslerfilm's White Album.

The moment the hot woman clad in red appears on screen reading How to Win Friends and Influence People, I instantly pegged her as Satan (or at the very least, a literal red herring - but, of course as we learn later, this film wasn't even clever enough for that). Then she takes Depp's character on a rip-roaring ride through the Parisian streets in a Dodge Viper (because, presumably, Europe was out of Ferrari's at the time), and I knew that this was exactly who she was supposed to be. Groan...! This is total bonk-bonk-over-the-head film making at its worst from the guy who brought us great films such as Rosemary's Baby, Chinatown and The Pianist. Everything neo-Faustian Angel Heart attempted to do marginally okay-ish, this movie did hamfisted and obviously. A Satanic thriller for morons, essentially, and an absolute must for HDTGM.

Speaking of Wraslin' and television theme songs, here are all of the intros to a cartoon I could not get enough as a kid, and still admittedly kinda, sorta like as a man-child today: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EX_9jKFpQKM Sgt. Slaughter was a main character of both WWF and G.I. Joe in the 80's, you see. Hence the connection to TV theme songs and wrestling. Ta-da!

Given my newfound powers to post videos here, I'd be remiss if I didn't include the theme song to one of my absolute favorite television shows of all time: Mystery Science Theater 3000. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sHNDfUw7p8 (This video contains all of the intros to this show and is 10 minutes long. Sorry. I couldn't find a stand-alone Joel-era intro, so this was the next best thing.)

Cam, this is why you're so revered around here. Thank you for putting into words what my peanut brain could not.

"Have you... ah... ever been to... Detroit?" And just so I can join in all the reindeer games, how do you embed videos in your comments?

My mind was reeling, trying to remember all of the television theme songs I've liked over the years: Barney Miller, Taxi, Twin Peaks, Firefly (no, really), Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and recently Lady Dynamite. But one of my absolute favorites theme songs is J.G. Thirwell's bombastic intro for The Venture Bros.

I believe both of these movies share the same producers and production. They do pair quite well with each other, given the twist ending and all the weird shit that happens in both.

I totally forgot about those stupid OCP Nazi-esque flags. Yeesh!

...but I'm surprised anyone (especially women) want to be guests on this podcast anymore, giving the venomous lambasting recent guests have received in the comments section after the episodes go up. Either the they aren't funny enough, or engaged enough, or have shrill laughs, or don't generate any at all. It's fairly disheartening.

Hey Taylor Ann, your next post will be your 666th!

I remember watching this movie at a friend's house on VHS in the mid-90's when I was 15. It made me kinda feel weird about my body and human sexuality in general. My take-away was that this quasi-cult movie was sort-of like A Boy and His Dog, but with a higher concentration of not-even-metaphorical dick commentary and questionable/objectionable sexual ethics. Oh, and it was absolutely fuckin' horrible. It felt like a movie targeted towards 12 year-old boys who were curious about sex, but didn't quite get it yet. Here are the questions a second viewing of this film 26 years later left me with: 1. I know Moshe mentioned this during the show with the Wikipedia entry for this movie (but like the Star Wars prequels, I don't go in for extra-curricular, non-in-film answers to questions the movie fails to address), but why does the Provisional Government risk their most valuable asset by sending Sam to Frogtown? Even if they harvest Sam's sperm beforehand, wouldn't it be a much better idea to imprison him and essentially keep his "fresh" genetic material in reserve while also (and separately) sending in a non-Sam-Hell-inclusive Seal Team 6 to rescue the girls from Frogtown? 2. To that end, is clamping a chastity belt packed with explosives on the last man in the civilized world who can impregnate women such a good idea? I know it's a female-run government and all, but they act as if their actions were scripted by a man. 3. During the ride to Frogtown, do you think they film's soundtrack included "Johnny Comes Marching Home" as an allusion to Sam Hell's "Johnson" marching into battle? Oy vey... 4. Does this movie seriously posit that the best way to cure a woman of "desert crazies" is to drug and rape her? And then she'll wake up the next morning clean, refreshed and thankful to be knock-up by her rapist?!? Yikes...! 5. And on that note, this is how a female-run provisional government would work??? Instead of asking for willing female volunteers to become mothers to repopulate the species, the Provisional Government would send out it's only "loaded weapon" to rape women and impregnate them against their will(s)?!? Sisters are, apparently, doing it against themselves. 6. Jason mentioned this briefly, but do you think the directors of Children of Men "borrowed" the sterilized humans motif from this film?

*Bump* for this year's Halloween episode.

Only if Mike Nelson is the guest. I feel that he is the only person alive who can properly make sense of the Animal Cracker/belly button scene in this film.

Worse than The Happening?

The graver kid on the poster for this movie instantly warned me away from watching this film when it came out. My roommate at the time went to go see and swore up-and-down that this was one of the best films she'd ever seen. She was also a huge Evanescence fan, so go figure...

The triumphant return of one Mr. Peter Tiberius Holmes! Hallelujah! Sign! The!! TABLE!!!

I think this movie would break Jason.

Jerry, is there anyway to add Al Pacino from 88 Minutes rolling out of the way of a fire truck for no reason?

Yeah, Sax Man and... what else? This movie might be dated, but it's still entertaining and effective. What can HDTGM say about Sax Man that SNL/Jon Hamm haven't already parodied? Try again.