RyanWright

I think it's Hollywood Handbook ep 10 Kyle Newacheck not sure if thats the genesis though

Did we ever get any answers from that ask Agata thing? Were we tricked into giving her a bunch of genius thoughts that she could download and make her brains better? like that johnny depp movie one of my buddies asked me if I was positive about being able to meet up later, and he said it like 3 times in a row to stress that I had flaked out on him in the past. on the last one I replied defintely. yes. I am HIV positive, so he'd know it was serious. Since I'm sure there is such a demand, I wanted to update you all on my tinder exploits. The random sex hook ups with hot girls are good but being able to use real people as a test group for material is great. It's like an interactive reality show. here are some of the opening lines I've tried. I'll use girls names from here to enhance the experience This one is sent as 4 messages in quick succession. It has the most response and a few #'s instantly: "A cop just pulled me over for texting and driving but then I showed him your pic and he said he'd let me off with a warning if I could get your number" "Uh Oh Valerie, he's changing his mind" "I left my license at home and also this is a stolen car" "I'm being arrested Valerie, quick the number!" This one has only worked once but the girl was actually Russian: "Privet! I am wild and crazy guy that come to Amerika for make disco and having sexy beach party!" This one always works, as long as the girl knows what an NPR is: "Hey Anastasia, During NPR pledge drives, I prank call people and pretend to be Ira Glass and make them feel bad for not donating. You into that?" Lastly this is my personal favorite. Apparently it is not as funny as I think because I have used it at least ten times and have never been given a response. My resolve has not wavered, its hilarious "So how is Freja doing? Did I pronounce that right?... Freja?... Hmm no, I was right the first time" the end

what is scarier? a ghost saying boo at you or a crowd booing you? or a ghost crowd booing at you?! Aaaaahhhhhhh!! ... aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!

of course, well the word "struggle" is what makes it funny to me. making verbs have dual meanings is funny and smart and good wear your normal clothes backwards and go as kriss kross. Bonus points for a duo Bonus points for shaving lines into your eyebrow

playing a round of cards against humanity with the engineers would make a great ad. I was just playing last weekend and let me tell you, when the group card is "On this week's episode, Disney character Hannah Montana struggles with ____ for the first time" and you have a card in your hand that says "anal beads" you are loffing your whole butt off. It's like a royal flush

The middle school I went to for 6th grade was Trinity College (now called Braxton Craven) which is the original site of Duke University. Sean "I saw a commercial about this on Fox news 8 yrs ago" Clements has brought up this lacrosse thing several times so I feel I need to address it. This case was the result of false accusations of rape by a stripper against 3 guys on the Duke lacrosse team. Turns out she was just a hoodrat trying to extort money from trust fund frat boys, they were all cleared of any wrong doing and the lead prosecutor was even disbarred for portraying it as a hate crime. Just to clarify #1 no one in North Carolina gives a flying fuck about Lacrosse #2 if you do like lacrosse, you can safely attend a game here without fear of being raped. Check your facts, Clements!!

Finally I made it into a script I'm a star! and it couldn't have come at a better time. After posting regularly on here for a year ( and professing my undying love for Sweet Valley Bry on several occasions) I never felt accepted or even wanted here. Honestly I was going to give up posting on the forum altogether and redirect my efforts to a tumblr about how big a loser I am. Instead of racking my brain to think of funny stuff to impress you people I was going to just focus on the biggest joke of all, my life. Even though this script portrays me as a chubby, masturbating murderer doofus... I have never felt so loved. btw I hope you enjoyed the "liquid creamer" in your coffee, Mean Detective. Muahahahah!

When I am snuggling on my dog I like to curse and insult him but in a very friendly voice. He doesn't know the difference and the nicer I can say a terrible thing the funnier it is. However, I'm getting no closer to the truth of "Who's a good boy?!" I think I'm going to have to change interrogation tactics cause he's not talking. He seems bewildered by even the basic idea of questioning things at all. Random thought: Aubrey Plaza is born to play Lydia in a remake of Beetlejuice.

It is and yes. I don't understand the confusion? I cried because some dust got in my eyes, both of them, at the same time. It had nothing to do with me identifying personally with the character's struggles on some unreconciled emotional stuff. No way man, it was dust

I just watched Silver Linings Playbook and was bussin' up in a sad way a few times...well 5 times. prob normal right? Right?!

Great opening but the guest was #weaksauce Go fuck yourself Tim, I would never want to be your friend anyway

Thanks that is all great advice. Unfortunately, I don't know how to do photoshop but I did write "Built like a Stallion" in the comments. I also noticed how everyone was either smiling or making kissy faces, so to stand out, I took pictures of every facial expression. It makes me seem like a great communicator. The 'listening intently while yawning' pose came out pretty well. Girls digs listeners

Agata, I just sent in a few of the best questions mankind has ever pondered. How does we find the answers? Completely unrelated, What is the best things to put on just some hypothetical guy's (not me) tendr profile? I'm asking for a friend (def not me) who wants to know for getting girls p.s. It's someone else

they are expansive buildings constructed for the sole purpose of storing all of the 'likes' I get on this forum. Duh

Cogent points, there is a ton of talent in this forum. It would serve earwolf well to implement some community goals we could focus our efforts toward. Furthermore, give us writing/acting/directing jobs and let us make another original juggernaut show. On another note, since this board doesn't recognize a monarchy, I am orchestrating a takeover of the /r/earwolf comment section. I will be their king and they will erect monuments in my honor and prob name like libraries after me and stuff

I got a real life date last night with a phone number and everything... LOSERS! Btw if a girl comes on this forum claiming to have a date with Sean Clements please just tell her that he is me oh, and this episode is funny too

Remember that snl short Deep Thoughts? It's revealed that the voice over guy died a long time ago and is actually a ghost. It would be called 'Deep Thoughts by the Ghost of Jack Handey'

Horror Movie Titles: MacGruber: 2 Jack & Jill: 2 Wild Wild West: 2

Paul Shears, Loved! your work in Rise of the Planet of the Apes. How did they make the chimpanzee costume so realistic and why are you still wearing it?

Brett and Sam, If Hayes and Sean were hanging off a cliff and you could only save one, which would you choose?

Dear Sam, Why did you break your motorcycle that one time? It made for a very bad first impression. I think you really blew it.

Sean's wheel spinning sound drop was excellent. Hayes, thanks for immediately calling Brett out for having such a chip on his shoulder. Nice job Sam! Maybe give Brett some aloe for the 3rd degree burns you gave him. Awesome all around Idea for an episode: Have Adam Pally back to show him how popular and loved the show has become. Make him really eat shit for treating Sean & Hayes like engineers last time and at the end, while AP is kissing ass and apologizing, have Scott Pauperman come in and cancel the show! Fake cancel of course

Kiddie Question: (pulls into drive thru line) What do you want? A happy meal? Do you want a chicken nugget happy meal or a hamburger sandwich happy meal?... Come on it's our turn we're at the speaker... yes you can have chocolate milk... but hurry up I need to know, there's a line behind us...what's it gonna be chicken or hamburger?? <Horn Honks> stop saying UM... which one do you want chicken or hamburger?!... Let's go or you're not getting anything!!... Make up your fucking mind! AHHHHH!!!

I love my state because we're all hardcore rebels with yells that let all the other states know that Yessir, in NC we are so America that we're gonna just start our own America. The northern aggressors technically won but we all know it was just a mutually beneficial incorporation. True there is the word "North" is in there, but "Carolina" stayed and is longer. We only let "North" be on top as a good funny joke that we all love.You see, the I N A stands for "In Ass" which is where we told them to shove the terms of surrender, I do declare!

With the right stylist, this kid could play "Young Hayes" in a Lifetime movie bio.