RyanWright

thanks man, that is a true story but I'm not too bummed about it. I think alot of my problem is that I live in the butthole of america where most people are turds

lol man its like you can see into my soul That is all great advice and some just basic anatomy. Thanks for the willingness to help but honestly I wouldnt even know what to ask. I scored a chick's number at a gas station otw to a party sat night, she comes over to hang out for awhile, things went well. The next morn I get on FB and shes changed her status to "in a relationship" At first I'm like oh shit! does she seriously think were like a couple bc of last night? Then I'm like oh shit! she just used me to make her ex bf jealous so they could get back together. an unwitting pawn in the game of love...but at least I have this forum and until lightning strikes I will just tell all my friends that Veebs, Freja, and Agata are all my combined gf that I met over summer break and that they are models that live in canada and that is why they have never heard of you and can never meet you... ever PS if I ever get a gf IRL we will all have to break up...but just so you know, it's not you, it's me I just don't deserve you and I know you'll find someone much better than me bc you are soooo wonderful and I just want you to be happy

what up everybody great stuff going on here. I cant comment on much reality but I do watch a worrisome amount of antiques roadshow. There's really no winner or loser but it is fun to watch some poor schlub's entire sense of heritage and tradition shatter behind his face when he learns that his greatgreatgreat grandpa's civil war sword is in actuality a lame reproduction from Sears & Roebuck worth only $50. I do wish the bros would do some kind of open Q&A or love doctor type segment. I've spent the last 3 days party/bar hoppin trying to find a gf, I wish you all could've been there, it was pathetic

G.I. Rando

Meh, this ep is weak sauce. the guest has a monotonous timbre and an anesthetizing sense of humor. Good effort from the guys trying to underhand soft pitch comedy to Dwayne but he struck out every time and really sucked the air out of the room. I knew there was a reason that I'd never heard of him. I'll have to rely on the forum for good jokes this week

we should ask if Valerie or Freja wants #300 since they are like the only girls at this sausage party Its just good PR

Props to Agata she reps HH hard shes the moderator with the boderator. I hope earhump continues it has the potential to become the launch vehicle for this forum, it could be called HHearhump our ears are to the streets...of Hollywood. Edit: ...and humping

That was the most famous ive ever been...This Hollywood Handbook really does help

Mr. Wain, You are the same age as my parents and I had to Google your name because I have never heard of you. What makes you think that you are relevant enough to make any meaningful contribution to the current comedic landscape? Also, are you my dad? I miss the bros putting "stars" in their place. How can S+H be my tied for first heroes if they keep treating their guests with respect as if theyre on the same level

I see Sean playing it out this way... …As his plan was nearing completion, Sean thought back to that fateful night. The night that changed every night thereafter and set into motion a maniacal mission of revenge and catharsis…but mostly revenge. Sean could vividly recall the scene in his mind, the flickering mustard colored lighting, the way his expensive shoes made the sound of scotch tape peeling from the roll with each step as he walked down the dirty hallway that led to the Men’s room. “what a dump, I‘ll have to hover” he thought entering the bathroom. Sean was already queasy from watching a scary clown make out with a hot Swedish chick for longer than should be allowed and being fan boy’d by a surly Brit called Andrew that wore a cologne he could only describe as rotten nut butter didn’t help the nausea he felt. He popped his last antacid before swinging open the nearest stall door, making sure to use his hanky to secure the latch. It was broken, of course…“why does Hayes drag me to these bullshit events?” he muttered aloud to no one. In hindsight, his frustration stemmed from jealousy. The jealously he’d always had with Hayes, hogging all the attention, but something more troubled him tonight. Hayes was distant and Sean couldn’t help but notice the furtive glances Hayes was casting toward almost everyone except him, like he didn’t even exist. He tried to shake off this unsettling feeling and decided to rationalize that he was just having an allergic reaction to witnessing Bozos of Basketball's “moves” on the dance floor. He positioned over the commode and settled in, amusing himself by reading the graffiti that canvassed the stall. “For a good time call Agata” the phone number long since scrawled off. “Honlads wuz here” and “Skizelo Rulz” framed a crude effigy of Jesus giving Muhammad a dirty sanchez. Sean giggled to himself. This would be his last laugh tonight… Suddenly the bathroom door creaked open noisily and an unfamiliar voice echoed against the tile walls, “ Hellooo, anybody in here?” Sean did not answer. He was in the middle of pinching off a loaf and has tremendous social anxiety about how his poop smells. Instead he silently lifted his fine Italian leather loafers out of sight, his butt cheeks resting on the cold plastic toilet seat as he privately cringed in disgust. The mystery voice whispered something inaudibly and two figures gleefully entered the room. The stall next to him was suddenly occupied by four feet all pointing in the same direction. The ripping of cheap fabric and smacking of interlaced lips separating and voraciously finding each other again quickly drowned out the elevator muzak being piped through the building’s second rate sound system. Sean sat paralyzed. The animal like groaning was his cue to make an escape. He artfully ascended the toilet tank and with the agility of a ninjas he maneuvered his leg over the adjacent stall wall which was now trembling from the force being dealt out mere feet away. The sensual groans had now evolved into deafening shouts of ecstasy. Sean was sure he would make an undetected get away under the cloak of these passionate throws of love. It was then, while he straddled the wall, that Sean’s eyes were drawn to one of the pairs of shoes. He knew those size11’s. As a matter of fact they were the same shoes he had told his best bud for life matched his sweater vest only hours before. Suddenly quicksand opened up under Sean’s heart. He peered down from his perch above the neighboring stall. The blood drained from his face and a breath taking cramp gripped his chest as he witnessed his best friend, his partner, his love , his soul mate taking it hardcore in the backdoor from some nerd fan and loving every minute of it. What follows is blurry and confusing. He can remember plainly the noise his shoulder made smacking into the unforgiving cement floor but cannot recall the sensation of falling. Clumsily he staggers through the door, wishing briefly that the threshold would serve as some sort of time portal that would deliver him to an alternate world, where the last 10 minutes had never happened. Bouncing blindly from wall to wall down the narrow hallway he tries to flee faster than the speed of sound to be free of the reverberating fuck sounds behind him. At the end of the hall Tim Trees has a lame merch table set up that Sean obliterates as he makes for the exit. Sean greets the night air with a huge breath like he has just come from being under water for too long. A shining cool white crescent moon illuminates the hot tears now streaming down his face, Hayes’ favorite phase it occurs to him instinctually…and it was then that his undying love smoldered into a seething hate as he swore to every point of light above him that he would make Hayes feel this poisonous ache, if it was the last thing he did. Until now, the memory had seemed so long ago. But as he neared climax, the reasons for his heinous acts were brought forth in disturbing clarity. As Sean pulls out and blows a load all over Chris Hardwick’s back he turns toward his video recorder and quietly mouths “Now that is tight butt hole, see you on TMZ Hayes” Satisfied and gratified, Sean wipes off his junk thinking to himself, “I think I’ll fit in nicely here at Nerdist Inc.” The End

I was hurt at first too but then I realized that I wasnt there because I was making out with VB like a boss

I love the Guy Endore-Kaiser one where they tell the story about his bachelor party. Also I looked up GEK on fb once and mustve accidentally (<--- truly) sent his wife a friend request which she accepted which is pretty cool. I imagine she saw how attractive I am and thought "yea I must know that guy from Hollywood somehow"

^Bahahaha^ Boners are cool and all but did you guys hear those arms of steel? I mean as scary as that 127 hours movie was think about if you had arms like that, youd need a freakin chainsaw to get free very scary

Freja awesome taste, I would wife Kishi Bashi up for sure. "I am the antichrist to you" had me bussin up in a sad way but i love it Going to see him in Durham June 10 niiiiccceee

Andy Knees and VB brafrigginvo! I loved your writings, youve inspired me to attempt to get some of my own stuff together, of course the inspiration will not entitle either of you to any of the mega bucks I will surely be paid but you should still feel great Nothing really funny to say this morning as I am hungover but i found some kickass jamz at a party last night that i think you all would dig the guy's named D.D. Dumbo and all his songs are solo using a loop pedal. The second one is live so you can see the skillz, enjoy Peace, Love, Empathy

I feel you I met Howard Dean once in an elevator and he was rehearsing some lame speech and kept ending it with god bless america or some dumb shit like that. I laughed aloud everytime he said it (very tall building) until he was like whats so funny punk? so i said hey look rando old guy if you want to reach the youth of this nation you gotta cowboy up to get your point across you top that cake with a big ole Yeeahh!! he listened what a dickweed

Hayes is from Dover, too many leprechauns and pilgrims in Boston, very scary

Boston sucks and i dont know why you'd brag about having a big vagina

man tim stole his girl and is going to beat him up thenarnold really is a nerd

I was given a nick name today that I hope sticks "24k" because everything is i do is gold. i feel this is a big step toward my inevitable fame. regardless its a step up from previous monikers such as "accident" or "surprise" depending on if its my mom or dad

guys I got high while reading that laweekly interview and started down an indica fueled mind journey exploring pics of the bros, past reviews of the shows, and interviews from the first days of RSS til present time. eventually the drugs wore off and i snapped back to reality with an unshakable feeling of 'was i asleep or is this deja vu'? while i was not sure what happened to the last 4 hours I was sure of one thing, if i still like this show in another six months than I will be perceived as a mere hipster. I Love that S+H are finally getting some of the credit they definitely deserve and to see a community of like-minded comedy heads rally around them in support, but at what point do we lose touch? when does HH become a faceless corporation, an out of touch business that treats its fan base as a statistic, cutting off the personal connection and participation. the bros are blowing up and my heart soars for that but i die a little inside every time it takes me an hour to catch up on the forums after just a day or two because of its popularity. my thoughts harken back to a time when just the knowledge of the shows' existence was your initiation into a unique tribe. An escape from the doldrums of life and the gelatinous minds that wander the southeastern united states. an institution that i belonged to that finally wasnt preceded by 'mental'. just think about how the first 50 fans of Nirvana felt by 1991... Im not judging or condemning or even trying to bring a bad vibe to the board i guess im just rage/vent/ranting at this point but somebodys got to feel me right?!?! anyways its been a rough week and i miss chanson, i hated him until he was gone, which im sure has been his plan all along. and wtf?! where is huglife?! why havent we formed a search party?! its bullshit! Drops Mic. ive got to stick to sativa man dammit...

oh well its okay im sure the usa will invade england at some point and then youll have to be my friendrew and eat all the candies...either now or later

At first I didnt want to know you ever but this just makes me want to be your friend more and i would like to submit an application, so let me state my case. firstly, i am a great friend to have. I carry now & laters candies on my person at all times and always enough to share with my bros. I am relatively hygienic and doctors tell me i have a perfect gait therefore my walking pace is complementary to most others' regardless of their height. I answer the phone by saying "alright" and as if thats not enough, my lil bro recently married a girl from Woking so were basically related already I could come visit your castle without the offending the royal family. While you think about it just know that I get you mate, no one else on this forum knows what its like to "read at university" or "go to hospital" the fact that were not friends is bollocks init? cheers! Big powerfist of solidarity to all my current fb friends, no motley crew here. were a friggin troop of five star foxes and studly do rights. Im starting to think this forum is secretly a casting call for a new real world spinoff. please take no offense from my app to &roo I love you all its just that he is offer only and he has a cool accent. btw andrew i am firmly against jaguar sharks eating my friends edit: I vote that we change the 'like this' button to the 'fancy this' button

the artist formely known as &

Hey gang y'all have to watch the teaser for this new comedy feelm Godzilla it is freakin hilarious! a radiation makes this lizard grow to the size of like a kajillion normal sized lizards and it is really mad or maybe just really lost and its crashing into things and knocking stuff over and just making a big ole mess. all these army men are losing their minds and saying to the godzilla "stop it right now" and "knock it off or we'll cut off your tail" but the joke is on them because my cousin has a pet salamander lizard named reptar and he told me that he cut off its tail as punishment for eating his other pet that was a fly but that the tail grew back and things have been awkward ever since. anyways this godzilla is huge and cant fit anywhere and when things are bigger than they should be im crack king up loffing.