jaymanthegreat

Of all the times I went to the playground, that time Darcy Butters licked my nose was the best.

Thank you, sir! It was my first of the year.

Here, here!

Dark is the color of my coffee, jittery is the energy it gives me.

"Holmes, you've done it again!" I cried, to which my friend replied, "Yes Watson, 40 fire-hot buffalo wings in a single sitting!"

I prefer a Clean Rain-scented toilet bowl cleaner to Spring Mountain Fresh.

Happiness is wearing at least four different scarves on any given day.

Well bleach my butt and call me Jenny!

All things must come to an end. You could make an orgasim joke about that if you want, but it'd be pretty hacky.

Like most men on the go, I appreciate a DEET-filled bug repellent on my tush.

Celestial objects born of eternal fusion bend space & time in an ever-expanding universe & you wanna talk about our crippling debt? Set priorities.

At this juncture, I felt compelled to slap my good friend, Sherlock Holmes, about the face, crying, "Your mother's elementary!"

Saying you want sock puppets is different than saying you want TO sock puppets.

The sight of a 400 lb walrus is arousing to other walruses.

I really like this one.

Tweet the tweet, I pray thee, trippingly on the thumbs.

You snack my butt, I smack your butt. Justice is balance.

My greatest rival is myself... And stairs. I hate walking up stairs.

Yellow, Brown, Dijon, Honey... If you must turd, make sure it's mustard!

Call in the cheeseburger brigade! And bring forth the bacon squadron for support! The time for lunch hath come!

My fire-type Pokémon can beat your ice-type Pokémon! All the kids from the late nineties know what I'm talking about!

Hey baby, let me be James Blunt with you and start by say you're beautiful.

Shakespeare called porcupines porpintines. Friggin' idiot.

Whose Woods these are, I think I know... Mainly because of that sign that says, "These be Ted's Woods."

Well cover me in powdered sugar and call me a Danish!