jaymanthegreat

Well played, sir.

I tried to force feed my cat, but my Jedi powers failed me.

When it come to windmills, I'm a big fan and so are they!

Anyone can roast beef, but not everyone can pea soup.

Let the world take note... I am not wearing pants. Ok, I'm wearing pants.

I don't want to say I'm scared of Death, but I'm pretty sure he's standing right over my shoulder, so I will.

Good news, Joe is slowly crawling back to life and I be bum-humpin' chunkies to the grave!

I need twenty stout young men to man a vessel that shall transport twenty-five tons of ice to the tropics! 'Twill be a pretty cool trip!

Life is what you make it, so make it an oatmeal creme pie.

!

If you got it, flaunt it. But not right in my face! Kevin!

Just as she whispers, "I'll never stop feeding you tacos," she stops feeding you tacos... thus goes the way of the world.

There's an app for just about everything, but no app can save you from the pain I'll bring you.

I am what I am and what I am is a chicken sandwich.

Don't cry over split milk, rejoice because the milk truly lived.

If you must have a chip on your shoulder make sure it's one of those reduced sodium kinds.

Put a munchkin in a doughnut hole and you'll never need a friend again.

Li'l lads lickin' lollipops will never keep me down, clown.

Tutankhamun's curse shall haunt you all! But I use it for bubble baths.

When taking a hot yoga class, remember to free your mind-- not your ding-a-ling.

Behold, my the rubber ducky armada! And people said I was a quack!

"i" comes before "e." In fact, "e" never gets to finish at all.

The only difference between me and you is that we're the same person.

Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds. But I'm also a person! With Feelings! Dad!

Thank you all!