jaymanthegreat

Why have a cowman when you can be the cowman?

Boost #noshame

Tweet the tweet, I pray thee, trippingly with the thumbs

Boost #noshame

I know what you would have from me and in my heart, I do admit, it is my desire to give it you, yet it cannot be so, for I already ate it.

Boost #noshame

I am the barber of Seville, not Fleet Street, and frankly, I'm sick of the confusion.

Boost #noshame

I didn't look at my gift horse in the mouth, but also, who sent me this freakin' horse?

Boost #noshame

First I was afraid, I was petrified. Then I was like, "whatever, shit happens."

Boost #noshame

Boost #noshame

I'm not saying this sentence I'm currently saying, but if I did, I would not have.

Boost #noshame

I've got two tickets to paradise, but both are for aisle seats with two layovers, so probs not worth it.

Boost #noshame

Love is a many-splendored thing, but also a shitty one.

Boost #noshame

I'm a modern parent. I spare the rod and spoil the meat, then force the child to eat the spoiled meat and laugh as they suffer from the digestive discomfort.

Boost #noshame

I swear my love, I didn't cheat. A referee was watching the whole time and he seemed super cool with it.

The song "Put on a Happy Face" is basically Dick Van Dyke telling a woman she should smile more.

Did you ever know that your my burrito? You're everything I would like to eat. And I can fart louder than a beagle, 'cause you are the wind within my pants.