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Casaba

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Posts posted by Casaba

  4. Posted

    Hey, I really love you guys and I'd like to show my appreciation by making a donation to Hollywood Handbook. I think it would be cool if we could all donate this week to show Sean and Hayes that our forum is the strongest forum in the universe. I just donated $20. I think the rule should be $20 and under, since I'm sure most of us are stingy and selfish.

     

    And, I don't mean to step on UTU2TM's toes, but can we get some t-shirts in here?

     

    Good idea, VB. I'm on it.

     

    PS - Where's the fucking HH t-shirts, guys?

    • Like 4

  5. Posted

    hey Popcorn Gang,

     

    tomorrow we will be doing our first ever Hollywood Handbook writers panel. We will have writers from shows like Parking Wrecks, The O Face, and of course Ed.

     

    Please submit your questions about how to get these good jobs, the dynamics of writers rooms, and the general craft of writering.

     

    we will ask the questions we think are good, and as for the ones we don't... may heaven show you mercy, because here on earth there will be none.

     

    Question 1: People say write what you know. What do you know?

     

    Question 2: How did you all get into television writing? Was this your career goal from the beginning or did you fall into this line of work?

     

    Question 3: I bet you're a real cut up in the writer's room. How do you stay popular with the other writers, but also assert your dominance?

    • Like 2

  7. Posted

    I AM gonna read all the forum comments, but first I need to post this comment I just saw on FB: "I had a dream that someone who deserved all that came to her after HS lost 100 pounds. Woke up, relieved, that she was still fat, unhappy, and poor."

    This was in response to a post where a girl said someone she hated got what was coming to her (her husband is divorcing her).

     

    People are horrible to each other out there. That's why I avoid the world and hang out in this forum. You guys are nice. Even Chanson, deep down inside.

    • Like 2

  12. Posted

    I actually didn't know what you were talking about at first, but I went on Amazon and it turns out their Look Inside! feature actually reveals the first 57 jokes, so I copied them down for you guys that don't have it. Click below the cover!

     

    isRElrd.png

     

     

     

    101 Thanksgiving Dick Jokes (For Kids!) by Robert Stein

     

    1. More cranberry sauce? More like cram these berries 'til I sauce.

    2. More gravy? More like gravy coming out of these nuts.

    3. More stuffing? More like stuffing that dick.

    4. More giblets? More like tickle THESE giblets.

    5. More white meat? More like DARK MEAT PLEASE.

    6. More mashed potatoes? More like mashed nuts.

    7. More family? More like let’s make a family.

    8. More balsamic-roasted carrots and parsnips? More like my balls 'n dick hosted by your bare bits and sparse nips.

    9. More pumpkin pie? More like lemme pump my kin into your sweet pie.

    10. More cornucopia? More like cornucopulation.

    11. More thanks? More like thanks for these nuts.

    12. More earth tones? More like make my girth groan.

    13. More turkey? More like you better jerk me.

    14. More honey and biscuits? More like honey I can come this quick.

    15. More pecan pie? More like nuts and crust.

    16. More shopping malls? More like dropping balls.

    17. More yams and marshmallows? More like let me jam my harsh fellow.

    18. More dinner? More like I'm finna get in her.

    19. More harvest? More like harvest these nuts.

    20. More Mayflower? More like may I take your flower!

    21. More tradition? More like tried itching these nuts.

    22. More feast? More like feast your eyes on these nuts!

    23. More wishbone? More like I wish we could bone.

    24. More Native Americans? More like take off that headdress let’s fuck.

    25. More football games? More like put balls in a dame.

    26. More autumn? More like semen I shot ‘em.

    27. More honey baked ham? More like YES, HONEY, BAKED HAM.

    28. More sweet potato casserole? More like I’mma squeeze my taters in your asser hole.

    29. More cornbread? More like I'm a total porn head.

    30. More leftovers? More like foreskin.

    31. More butternut squash? More like you better squash these nuts.

    32. More Plymouth Rock? More like play with my cock.

    33. More November? More like nice member.

    34. More celebration? More like hella vibrations.

    35. More gratitude? More like check out my fat dude.

    36. More green beans? More like check out these mean beans.

    37. More blessings? More like I’m blessed with a huge dick.

    38. More Yorkshire pudding? More like you’re sure putting this dick in your mouth.

    39. More playing in the yard? More like laying when I’m hard.

    40. More bargain buys? More like getting hard again, you guys.

    41. More Fall season? More like ball squeezing.

    42. More gobble? More like gobble these nuts.

    43. More friends and laughter? More like in the end I’m gonna shaft her.

    44. More carving? More like you’re starving... for these nuts.

    45. More Colonists? More like colonizing these nuts.

    46. More centerpiece? More like I was sent to give her this piece.

    47. More happiness? More like lap penis.

    48. More Squanto? More like squat onto this, ho.

    49. More Macy’s Day Parade? More like blow up these nuts and parade them around town.

    50. More Tisquantum? More like this johnson.

    51. More time at home? More like gimme some dome.

    52. More talk of the election? More like my cock, the erection.

    53. More saying grace? More like these nuts in your face.

    54. More family portraits? More like lemme cram these in your tits.

    55. More drumsticks? More like I got a huge bum stick.

    56. More decorations? More like ejaculations.

    57. More Thanksgiven? More like yanking what I was given.

     

    Buy the book now to see more!

     

     

     

    Wow! BH, this is impressive. These jokes certainly sound like ones that kids would make up. And what a classy cover!

    • Like 1

  14. Posted

    I have a somewhat related one, actually... Early last summer, I saw Tom Cavanagh of Mike and Tom Eat Snacks and being-a-generally-good-dude fame--also for Scrubs, shout out to Yogi Bear--ordering an ice cream cone at a little place near the main harbor on Martha's Vineyard. Very nice moment. The story sort of ends there, unfortunately, as I wasn't able to bring myself to bother him. He was actually the first celebrity I'd seen/met/whatever whose work I was intimately familiar with, especially in comedy, so there was some additional adrenaline and respect kind of stewing around with the fandom. Would've gone right up to a Thomas Cruise or Bradley Pitts, for sure. He was with a very nice looking lady at the time and I can only assume he would thank me now for not pestering, though, admittedly, I did end up limply following him for about an hour trying to muster up courage before he made his way to some fancy yacht party that I wasn't invited to because I didn't have the Pro Version yet.

     

    I've had many of these moments too. And I've learned that it's usually best just to leave them alone. Unless you are a super cool dude who's good at talking and shit, then I think the exchange ends up being pretty awkward. On the day that the first episode of the Andy Daly Podcast Pilot Project was released, I saw Andy Daly. I went up to him and said I was a big fan and I just listened to the first episode of his podcast and it was amazing. He said something like "That's so nice. I'm glad you liked it." Then there was an awkward pause, I smiled, said take care, and walked away. Idiot!

     

    https://screen.yahoo.com/chris-farley-show-martin-scorsese-000000739.html

    • Like 4

  15. Posted

    I was reminded earlier today of an embarrassing moment in my life. I saw Michael Showalter and Michael Ian Black perform about 5 years ago and they both stayed after the show to sign their CDs. When I walked up, Showalter said hi to me and drew a cat on my CD. I responded "I like cats" and then was quickly ushered forward to keep the line moving. I have been a huge fan of these guys since I was twelve years old...and all I said to them, nervously and with a big dumb grin on my face, was "I like cats." I hate meeting people I admire.

     

    Do you guys have any stories about meeting people who you're a fan of? Anyone able to play it cool? Any love-knife stories?

    • Like 6

  16. Posted

     

    Stard should just be a co-host of this already, he is invaluable to the show now. Adds so much to the dynamic between How and Ku.

     

    I agree with everything you said. And yes, Stard should be a regular host on Whooch and Twooch. I love his contributions and he has such a great relationship with Ku and Wie. I know this might be tough with how busy he is, but it would be great to hear more of him.

    • Like 2

  19. Posted

    Finally after all the travel I have been forced to do I have made it to the sunny state of California where Hayes and Sean reside!

     

    Real quick flight. I left at the ungodly hour of 4 a.m., flew over a bunch of flyovers and I'm already here at 7:30 with the whole day ahead of me! Seemed like longer but I was probably just nervous.

     

    Hayes and Sean, I'm staying in a town called San Francisco which I'm guessing is some shitty suburb of LA where you guys are. Can't be much of a drive, let me know if you wanna meet up.

     

    Bozos, welcome to our fair land. I hope you enjoy yourself while you're here. How long are you in town for?

    • Like 1

  21. Posted

    Hey guys I my friend needs advice and HE was hoping for some help from you guys. There's this...how should I say it...message board? that he goes on and he loves the people there but he doesn't know how to tell them. What should I do? I mean what should he do?

     

    Rod, if I've learned anything from romantic comedies it's that you should bury your feelings down inside until they burst forth at the worst possible time (maybe when these message board people are right about to say their vows at their weddings) and then after a short period of conflict, you will kiss these people and live happily ever after with them.

    • Like 6

  23. Posted

    Well my name is Andrew and I'm here to say

    I like posting on forums in a real-name way

    Some motherlover tried to step to me

    But I took my name back cause I'm real O.G.

    POP POP POP, NAME-THIEF GONNA DROP

    HE'S BEGGING FOR MERCY BUT I'M NEVER GONNA STOP

    COMING AFTER "ANDREW" WITH A MURDEROUS RAGE

    WANNA STOP ME? BETTER PUT ME IN A CAGE.

    HE'S RUNNING, I'M GUNNING, I'M THE FUCKING SECOND COMING

    AND TO SHOW THAT I AIN'T BLUFFING, I'MMA HUMP HIS LITTLE COUSIN

    AND HIS STUNTINGS SO DISGUSTING THAT I'LL CRUSH HIM DOWN TO NOTHING.

    THIS BUSTER CAME OUT FRONTING IN THE SEASON OF THE PUMPKIN

    AND IT'S TIME TO START CONFRONTING, LET'S DEBUNK A LITTLE SOMETHING:

    I'M THE ONLY FUCKING ANDREW, AND I'M BACK, SO HANG THE BUNTING.

     

    so...um...did you kill that guy?

    • Like 1
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