archbaldrex

I'm gonna have to suggest Buckaroo Banzai...

This is incredible HDTGM material. Well known actors: Miley Cyrus, Demi Moore, Ashley Greene (Twilight movies), Nora Dunn, Marlo Thomas (I recognize her from her huge slew of random TV roles), Adam Sevani (Step Up movies) This is the second time this movie was made. It was originally a 2008 french film called LOL (Laughing Out Loud) ®--yes the ® is in the title. The movie was released only because of a technicality in the contract. Budget: $11 million Opening weekend: $46,500 USA Gross: $18,279,948 Two scenes seriously worth mentioning: First, the weird bathing scene? Like 7 minutes in Miley gets broken up with and returns home to Demi Moore and I assume her younger sister both naked playing around in the giant kiddie pool sized bathtub. Miley then strips down in the middle of the bathroom, walks over to get a towel, and Demi says "IS THAT A BRAZILIAN?" Then says she won't let Miley become a porn star. I can't handle that scene. Second, the raw chicken scene. Setting: Miley's friend is on fake chatroulette without dicks. She chats for a bit ("ANONYMOUS SO HOT LOL") then puts the camera up a chicken's butt pretending she shoved the camera up her vag? Pretty risque. Also a serious health hazard. Nora Dunn got pissed looking for chicken, looks for chicken in microwave, twice? I can't even. On top of that, every goddamn cliche in the book. Besides the ones already mentioned... Here is my play by play of the movie: -Unruly french class, everyone is on their cell phones and talking, exasperated teacher (CRAZY KIDS!) -The journal: a teenage girl's best friend, until they grow up and look back and cringe uncontrollably at every word. -Incredibly unhelpful and vague therapist -Catty high school girl rivalries despite no real character development explaining why these girls hate each other (I guess boy rivalries? Stupid), call girls skanks for wearing lacy underwear? Great message. -Best friend/love interest/HE'S BEEN THERE ALL ALONG guy has to hide music from his proper parents. duh. -ZOMGERD LOL LOL DEMI COMPLAINS ABOUT COPS TO HOT MOTORCYCLIST WHO TURNS OUT TO BE A COP HOW WACKY -Middle aged women drinking wine: "Is he hot?" "YOU'RE SO BAD!" -Middle aged parents smoking weed a few rooms over from teenage kids also smoking weed talking about how the other group totally doesn't know they smoke/doesn't smoke -Horrible gender stereotypes in conversations about male and female sexuality across the generations. Seriously these gender generalizations are.... PAINFUL. -Gratuitous locker room scene with high school girls in underwear, ass shots, discussing giving Demi's hand me down underwear to Miley's friend...? -Super helpful school mediation: Oh, possible sexual harassment? "Now you're harassing me!" -Calling your ex girlfriend a "skank ass ho" and shoving her to the ground in gym class? -So glad Facebook chat can replace what AIM used to be when I was in high school. Extensive use of screenshots of online chats. -Montage of friends falling in love I guess? Or just being friends? Whatever, they're so wacky. This music is so hip. -THIS. FUCKING. JOURNAL. THOUGH. -Grandma asks random black dude on couch if he plays basketball. Oh, he does play basketball? Ok then. -Despite not seeing anyone actually smoke cigarettes, cool kids apparently smoked a ton in the apartment and put them out on pizza...? TEENAGERS DO NOT DO THIS, PIZZA IS PRECIOUS. -Where were the younger brother and sister during this party debauchery? -Ex boyfriend who called Lola a skanky ass ho, cheated on her, and certainly not shown any respect is for some completely inexplicable reason seething with jealousy over Miley's bffl turned bf. -Necessary parents go over all their kids' report cards scene. Moral of the scene: GRADES DON'T MATTER, MY RELATIONSHIPS WITH BOYS MATTER. -"SHE DEFRIENDED ME?" Cut to Miley moping watching her incredibly good quality cell phone video of the battle of the bands. -Miley's one kinky friend--sex with nerd in the bathroom, uses fake chatroulette all the time, Hots4Teach. So alternative. -Thongs will make you a stripper. This movie is legit obsessed with lacy underwear = sluts. Also bonus use of Jason's favorite line--Nora Dunn repeatedly screaming "THIS IS GARBAGE!" -Nice Pandora jewelry plug. -Kyle (bffl turned bf) sits in Miley's friend's seat, which means Miley's friend is conveniently seated next to the nerd she's been bangin. -Don't tell a black guy not to discriminate, DUH HE'S BLACK I MEAN GEEZ. -Paris montage: double decker bus touring, all the selfies, Kyle stares at new guitars (dad broke his... but like 5 minutes later somehow he has a new one?), french teacher caught coming out of sex store, playing in a water fountain (keeping in mind spring break=still cold). -"It's my first time...." obligatory coming of age story virginity losing scene. Kyle has a sweet tribal armband tattoo. -Miley and Kyle Couldn't start dating until Kyle got permission from her ex boyfriend. -SHE SAVED THE WRAPPER TO THE CONDOM FROM WHEN SHE LOST HER VIRGINITY. SHE TAPED IT IN HER JOURNAL. "Totally got to have sex with Kyle!! Totallyyyyyy!" THIS FUCKING JOURNAL THOUGH. -Kyle's dad goes to battle of the bands. Sees him win. Has a change of heart, loves his music. Of course. Also everyone in the crowd knows all of the words to their hit song. All my wut. -Why is the battle of the bands lovey dovey nonsense with Kyle and Miley split with Demi Moore and Mr. Hot Cop making out? That is weird. really, really weird. Other random thoughts: -This must be a pre-dental work Miley. I can't stop staring at her teeth. -So glad Nora Dunn still gets work. -How old are these people again? -I am in love with 'dreamy friend in love with Miley's' flippy bangs. It's a perfect replica of Nick Kroll's bangs in the fake Canadian Degrassi on Kroll Show. -The movie is called LOL because her name is Lola, but people call her Lol. NO ONE CALLS HER LOL DURING THE ENTIRE MOVIE. -IS THIS BATHROOM UNISEX? If not, who is it intended for??? We have only seen this bathroom used by couples. WHERE ARE THE TEACHERS? WHY DOES NO ONE PUT A STOP TO THIS? -The wikipedia page claims that the "slutty" friend/Miley's enemy wanted to get with Kyle... Did she? I never noticed this... -And finally, SO. MUCH. NARRATION. Fun fact: Filmed in Grosse Pointe, Michigan. The setting for one of my all time favorite movies, Grosse Pointe Blank. I know this is a pretty in detail play by play. I got carried away imagining Jason calling this movie garbage. It's perfect.

This exchange actually happens: Hot blonde scientist incapable of making facial expressions due to botox: "I'm pretty tired." Captain jack harkness: "me too. How about you come home with me and I eat your pussy?" *cue shower sex scene with candle background and orgasm at sunrise*