Cameron H.

Wow! This is really great, Cam! I think you've really captured his voice. I like how we both described him as "odd looking." We also both seem to agree that it would be well into the conversation before introductions are made, and when they do eventually occur, it will 100% be Bess who initiates it.

Since I would never ask you all to do something I wasn't also willing to do myself. Here's my take. (It's pretty long. Feel free to skip ) "The Lady and the Bug" by Cameron H. The bar was crowded for a Tuesday night. Sweaty voices shouted over the din of clanking glass and soccer games being televised at maximum volume. Every so often a roar would erupt as some team did something or other that – apparently - deserved some noisy accolades. Bess wasn’t really interested in sports, of course, but her son Matthew was. Football, soccer, you name it. Matthew was a natural - just like his father... Bess sighed. What am I doing here? she asked herself. It was silly. If she had wanted a drink it would have been quieter - and cheaper - to have one at home. But, then again, she wasn’t there to drink, was she? Her eyes danced over the salty rim of her drink. In the flicker of an eyelash she scanned the bar from one end to the other, and in that time, she had already come to a depressing realization: good men (and women for that matter) were impossible to find. There was nothing new - not here anyway. Maybe not anywhere. Just a sea of chiseled features and taut, rippling muscles. If she wanted young, fit, and handsome, she would have stayed with Matthew’s father. Bleh, she thought, I don’t think so. She polished off the rest of her drink in a single gulp and nodded at the bar tender. “Another?” “No, thanks. I think I’m just going to settle up.” “Oh!” came a cry uncomfortably close to her ear, “Just my luck. I’m so ugly, the pretty women leave before they even see me!” The voice spoke in a strange cadence as if performing for an invisible audience. Bess turned around. Her breathe caught in her throat. Standing before her was the oddest creature she had ever seen. He had a face like a beached cod, a voice like a pig fart, and somehow, managed to smell like a combination of the two. His hair was an uncomfortable blonde that made his bulging eyes appear more aggressive. His swollen lips glistened beneath the dim bar lights, but whether from sweat or saliva, she couldn’t tell. Bess was intrigued. “May I sit down?” the stranger croaked. “Please,” Bess smiled. “What can I get for you?” the bartender asked. “I’ll have what she’s having. And she’ll have one too. Big ones! The biggest ones you got! A double. Then make the double a double and then double that.” “Two Salty Chihuahuas, extra salt,” the bartender confirmed as he turned around to mix their drinks. “Salty Chihuahuas? I think I’ve had that before, down in Chinatown. I don’t remember it being all that salty, but it definitely had a bite if you know what I mean.” She didn’t know what he meant, it didn’t make any sense, but it was clear it was racist and that was enough for her. Bess swooned. She put her purse in her lap and directed all her attention to the man straining to straddle the barstool next to her. His hot, heaving breaths came out in the type of billowing gusts you would expect from a man twice his age. The bartender returned and slid two towering glasses toward them. Chester looked at the pale, pink color with a critical eye. He took a sip. “Ooh, it’s lucky I've got a pretty girl next to me,” the man said, “I haven’t drank something this fruity since I was in the Navy.” Bess bit the end of her straw and drank - slow and deep. Terrible and offensive things seemed to ooze from his lips like molasses. Sure, not a lot of what he said made sense, but the homophobia and bigotry came through loud and clear. “Oh, you were in the Navy?” “Me?” he said, “Yeah, I was in the Navy. Although, I tell you, I was a pretty lousy seaman. They said I gave a whole new meaning to ‘seasickness.’ Every time I leaned over the side of the ship to puke, the ocean would throw up on me!” Frustrated, and sensing that he would never get around to introducing himself, she offered him her hand. By way of introduction, she simply said, “Bess.” “Bess! Bess! Pleased to meet you!” he cried ecstatically, “What a name! What a beaut!” He cupped her hands in his. They were warm and clammy and seemed to swallow hers whole. He kissed the back of her hand, coating it in a thick, pungent film that she would later find out, wouldn’t wash off for days. Her toes tingled. The feeling spread throughout her body. She stole a glance in the bar mirror. She was half expecting to see her hair standing on end. “And you are?” she prodded. “Chester.” “Chester,” she repeated, “What a beautiful name.” Her words were coming out in a breathy whisper hardly audible above the cacophony of the bar. The air felt thin. Breathing had become difficult. Just speaking to this man was like bathing in an ocean of pure sex, and she was drowning in it. “Heh, nice of you to say,” he quipped, “but I feeling I was named Chester because my parents hated me.” “Hated you?” she asked, “I don’t believe it. You?” “You kidding? When I was born my mother took one look at me and told the doctor to put me back! When the doctor smacked me, my father told him to do it again. I tell ya: I get no respect.” “You poor man…” She dabbed her eyes with a cocktail napkin, grateful that he was so busy adjusting the collar of his shirt to notice. She placed a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. Chester flinched at the contact. “I’m sorry,” he apologized, “The last time I was touched on the shoulder like that, an usher at was asking me to leave the adult movie theater: disturbing the other customers.” “Oh you…” she flirted. “What can I say, I’m a crier.” She held up a single, slender finger up for the bartender. He materialized somewhere out of the hazy, sexual ether. “Another?” he asked. “No,” she replied, “I think it’s time to go. I’d like to pay our tab.” She handed the bartender her credit card. Chester watched the bartender walk away with a bemused intensity. As soon as the bartender was out of sight, Chester said, “Oh, you shouldn’t have done that. I woulda paid...” “I didn’t want you to.” “Oh” he said, “I get it. Well, thanks for the conversation…” Shoulders slumped, he got up to walk away; however, to his surprise, he found his exit thwarted by a firm hand pressed against his chest, fingernails digging into his fleshy skin. She stood and kissed his neck. A sound like a gorilla with chronic asthma huffed from his throat. Her tongue slipped between her lips and ran up the contour of his neck. The tip of her tongue traveled up to his chin; first one…and then the other. If she hadn’t been tugging on his bowtie, his musky scent would have sent her to the sticky barroom floor in a quivering wave of ecstasy. Heat radiated from her body with the intensity of a dying star. She wasn’t prepared for this. Nothing could prepare someone for this. All she knew was either going to burn out or explode. She kissed him then, long and hard. The experience wasn’t unlike what she imagined kissing an octopus must be like: salty, wet, and slightly fishy. There was a schizophrenic randomness to his tongue that caught her off guard. Was he biting her tongue or was his own tongue somehow sharp? How could she make it never stop? “The time for talk is over, Chester” she hissed in his ear. “You’re coming home with me.”

I would really love it if someone on the forums would write me a really tight backstory as to how this man - won Bess' heart. He's insecure, unscrupulous, lecherous, rude, has a tendency to constantly "perform,"and doesn't get along with her teenage son in the slightest. This isn't even to mention that - physically - he doesn't appear to be well. So what does she see in him? How did these two lovebirds meet?

I had real issues with how quick Chester was to make fun of someone for their looks. Coach Annie, for one, and muttering how an overweight man should stay indoors to "beautify" the neighborhood, for another. I just felt like yelling, "You're one to talk you bug-eyed goon!" Actually, it's a little known fact that lepidopterists love nothing more than kicking the ever-loving shit out of those beautiful motherfuckers. It's the next best thing to impaling them and showcasing their tiny, insect corpses in a macabre display of dominance

“Summergirls” Ladybugs

I saw! I’m not on Spotify, though.

Since it came up in the episode, apparently Mr. Mullen's company designs malls and Chester "sells" the retail space - which seems kind of weird. In the scene where Chester is asking for a promotion they have this exchange: Mr. Mullen: The new mall in the south district. Boy, what a beauty. Chester: I'll sell this space out in no time, Mr. Mullen. Have no fear, Chester is here.

Mr. Mullen refers to him as "Vice President" in the final scene. They evidently put a ton of stock into their company sponsored sports teams...It's your ticket to the top.

You know who I felt bad for? The poor receptionist who was sexually harassed by his stupid schtick. She’s at work, bro! She has to sit there! Don’t mistake the fact that she hasn’t castrated you with her Swingline stapler as tacit approval of your disgusting rhetoric.

Aside from all the obvious, I think one of the biggest problems with this movie is how it is constantly at war with itself. It's like they want Chester to be both likable and unlikable at the same time. This is most evident in the scene after Martha's first game where he berates Matthew for not being a team player. Chester is already cheating! The whole reason Martha is even a thing is so Matthew can do exactly what he's doing. What does Chester care if Martha is hogging the ball? He even scolds him because the other girls don't "like Martha very much." I'm sorry, but who the fuck cares? If the goal is "promotion" then this was the plan all along, wasn’t it? Why is this a surprise? When did "tricking little girls into thinking my girlfriend's son is a girl so they can become best friends with him" become an acceptable contingency plan? And if he actually cares about how the other girls' self-esteem - and their getting equal playing time - then he really shouldn't care when Matthew threatens to quit. But he does care. He cares very much. So, which is it then, movie? Is he an inherently good man in a desperate situation doing the best he can, or is he an unscrupulous, Machiavellian slimeball willing to do whatever it takes to climb the corporate ladder? And because Chester occupies such a nebulous, ethical area, his character never experiences any real character growth. If anything, judging from the final scene, he might have actually become a worse person by the end!* What's crazy is The Bad News Bears had already established a pretty successful template for this type of movie. I think it would worked better if they had established him as a straight up despicable person - kind of like what The Mighty Ducks ended up doing with Coach Bombay. This way, since the kids are obviously not the focus, we get a solid character arc for Chester. He shouldn't be imparting wisdom to these kids, they should be teaching him. *For the record, Mr. Mullen says that he's going to promote Chester is to "Head of Sales" for the Ladybugs winning the Championship; however, in the final scene, Mr. Mullen refers to Chester as "Vice President!" Seriously, what kind of freaking company is that? Their promotion system seems to be so arbitrary that the whole company might as well be run by Caligula.

It’s night when he gets kicked out of the bar for being a pedophile. But otherwise, very sunny.

It’s been in my head since you announced it! No joke, this is my favorite version of Alice in Wonderland/Through the Looking Glass.

I love this movie! ((This is the one with Sammy Davis Jr as the caterpillar, right?)

Ah! You beat me to it! That scene drove me crazy. It makes no sense! The excuse seems to be he needs to learn to be more ladylike, but it’s ridiculous to test that in public in full regalia. The only explanation I could come up with is that he ran out of the shop as Martha and they couldn’t reasonably find a place to change him back so they just kind of rolled with it. I’m also concerned that Matthew seems to take to speed bags like a cat with a catnip ball. We get that you’re like this super sports guy, Matthew, but couldn't you just walk past the sporting goods store this one time?

Im just saying, in the two instances I’m thinking of (Pester and Kimberly) the players had just wiffed it pretty hard. The coach would be well within his right to bench them. Even if the girls on the bench are terrible too, they don’t deserve to be punished so Pester can learn a valuable lesson about self-confidence or some shit. And the way it goes down just feels cruel. Coach Chester: Okay, you’re going in. Player: Awesome! I love soccer! It’s why I’m on this team after all. Martha/Matthew: Oh, c’mon Pester, you want to keep playing, don’t you? Pester: Yes. Coach Chester: You’re terrible and my career depends on this, but why not? (to other player) Sit your ass back down. Player: Oh, man...

I listened to the episode last summer on my way home from a vacation and rented the movie as soon as I got home. I actually kind of liked it...

I may be the only one, but one of the things about this movie that infuriated me was how they would keep objectively terrible players on the field instead of pulling someone from the bench. I know you have a crush on her and all, but she just kicked that ball ludicrously out of bounds. She really needs to go. How does Chester even begin to explain to those poor girls why they can't play while literal piles of garbage are on the field fucking up their chance at the Championship? All those girls want is to get out there on the pitch and be given one chance. Just one chance. "Oh, you don't want to hurt her feelings, what about my feelings coach? I can at least keep the ball inbound. I could win this shit for us."

Fantastic episode! Of course the skinny dipping scene is insane, but the craziest part has to be the fact that Matthew got naked himself! I mean, if his plan is to avoid the rest of the team until he can get a ride, why can't he do that fully clothed? It's not like the girls ripped the clothes off his back, and as far as I know, being naked doesn't help you hide better. The fact of the matter is, that little pervert made a choice. Was he just like, "Fuck it. If Chesterfield doesn't get here in time, I'm going swimming and let the chips fall where they may..."

https://www.cbr.com/neflix-past-midnight-keanu-reeves-rick-famuyiwa/ I swear to God, it better be Moon Knight...

Hot.

But seriously, why does he smell like Skittles?

Oh, it definitely felt that way. I know I had an eye-rolling "of course" moment. However, I found that after that "getting to know you" scene it was almost even more weird that they *didn't* get together. If that conversation wasn't going somewhere, then that means the whole point of that scene is just to set-up a joke about how stocking vending machines for a living and smelling like Skittles is worse than being a prostitute for an emotionally unstable pimp. I'm not entirely sure it was worth it, and personally, I would love to smell like Skittles.

I've said it before, but dor those people on the fence, I really do feel like Stitcher is worth it. There's more fantastic content available there than you can ever realistically consume for about the price of one Grande Caramel Machiato a month. I know some people complain about the it being a bad app, but I've honestly never experienced any issues. Plus, I get to support my favorite podcast network!

Honestly, I don’t think you can have a stupid pick. I learn something from everything we watch - whether I “like” it or not. My goal is to basically pick movies I’ve never seen before.* Discovering if they’re good or bad is part of the fun. *Technically, I had seen Gigi before, but I had no memory of it.