Cameron H.

Oh, the things I do for you. I went back and rewatched the scene. As he receives it, the movie cuts to Kelly Hu and she says, "The headband of the Patu Sani Warrior Prince..." So, you're wrong. I expect your apology to be suitable contrite.

Here was a moment that had me scratching my head... On Patu San, Uncle Eyepatch tells Johnny that he's gained his respect and has earned the right to wear the sacred headband of his office--a symbol of his right to rule. Of course, immediately after, as he does almost every time the camera cuts to him, Iggy starts to grouse about he should get one because he's actually "the real king." Uncle Eyepatch starts to get irritated about this until Johnny tells him to go ahead and just "give him one." ...Which he does! He just reaches into his messenger bag and pulls out another one of these "one of a kind" headbands and hands it on over to him! Exactly how many of these "special" headbands does he have anyway? If nothing else, it certainly cheapens the moment when Johnny receives his to know that Uncle Eyepatch is just lugging a sackful of these things around with him wherever he goes.

Not to mention, surfing can be EXHAUSTING! These assholes paddle, I don't know, one, maybe two miles over to Nielson's Island Fortress--slowly and in broad daylight. By the time they got there, they'd all be dead on their feet. Not exactly the condition you want your warriors to be in when going into a battle to the death. Canoes make waaaaaaaaay more sense. They live on a goddamn island. They can make a fucking boat.

Great episode! Ugh! Guys! This was seriously a tough one to get through. There's just so much about this movie that I just don't get. I mean, let's just start with Eyepatch's flashback. When relaying the history of their island to the , he tells them that there has been peace on the island for "4,000 years." I mean, wow. That sounds really great. But then, when he goes into the specifics, he says that Johnny is destined to assume the inherited position of "Warrior King." Correct me if I'm wrong, but does a nation that has known nothing but peace for four millennia really need a warrior for a king? Also, in the same flashback, after Eyepatch witnesses Nielson's head be gruesomely squashed like a prune by a panicky pachyderm, we see him immediately dumping the boys into the sweaty arms of some weird American ex-pat--a man who they will grow up calling "father." My question is, why? Homeboy just had his head stomped in by a motherfucking elephant. Did you really just assume that he would survive that?!? Why wouldn't your first instinct be to walk the ten feet over to his mangled body and check to see if he's still alive? And even if he is still alive, you'd have to imagine, after having an elephant smash in his skull, that most of the fight is probably out of him. Finish him for fuck's sake! And if you believe he's already dead, why are you rushing to dump the kids off with the nearest weirdo sailor you can find? After that moment, I honestly couldn't hear him talk about the plight of the people on the island anymore. Hey man, all the suffering that Neilson's character inflicts upon the poor people of Patu San is a direct result of you not doing your goddamn job!

Seriously. And the fact that he could clearly give two shits about being there. I was just thinking, "If even Tone-Loc is phoning it in, then your movie is in some real trouble."

Do you remember if that was Tone-Loc?

So you don't support the arts "no matter how shitty it is." Interesting. It was something about something being "groovy."

So, then I take it you bought Surf Ninjas, too? The poster doth protest too much, methinks...

Here's the deal. I had a quote, but I only wrote down a couple of key words and didn't bother to attribute it. I figured the Surf Ninjas script would be online and I could go back and get it. But, no. Apparently the world has all but totally disavowed this movie. And since it's only available on YouTube, the only way I can get that quote again is if I watch the movie again. I don't want to do that, CakeBug, and you can't make me! But thanks! Thanks for calling me out and making me look like an idiot. I'm going to hide in my room and cry for days.

You feel dirty that you listened to it all the way through but not that you own it in the first place?

Let's see, I can listen to all the scientific research that proves that there's no correlation between vaccinations and autism, or I can listen to the guy who played "Iggy" in Surf Ninjas... Hmmm, that's a tough call. I mean, how bad can Hepatitis B and Polio really be?

I think that the joke I had here was in poor taste. I strive to be better than that. Please accept this gif of sliding pandas by way of an apology.

I've got great news for you! I've got your Mother's Day covered! You are welcome!

First of all, exactly how often would your mother tell you that? Was this a weekly thing or did she just save it up for Holidays? As for Neeley... I mean, he's alright, I guess, but if I were going to have sex with one onscreen deity (which I assume is what you're really asking), I'd have to go with Keanu Reeves as Buddha.

I hate to admit it, but only a small amount of the hysterical sobbing is ad libbed. I think you'll find that I'm a manipulative son of a bitch.

Say what's in your heart. The important thing is that I be exalted. If you need, I can whip up a quick haiku or paean of praise for you.

Thanks again, man! I owe you one! I can honestly say, I liked every 20th minute of that.

Those are awesome! I'm sorry I won't be able to make this one. I just ask two things for those who will be in attendance: 1) Get on the episode with an Explanation Hope. 2) Use that time to talk about how dope you think I am and how much you wish I was there

I'm an expert at obnoxious, off-the-cuff singing. We recognize our own

That's an interesting point about it becoming more about "the show" than the music. Like I liked quite a few songs in this, but there were definitely parts where I was like, "this just sounds like me making up a song on the spot to annoy my family." Please feel free to join the discussion anytime!

Little known fact: Peter had a stutter.

God! I feel like all I've been doing lately is editing my repeated phrases! Look, guys, if I go full-blown Gertrude Stein, please go ahead an tell Picasso I'll meet him in the parlour at nine.

A good judge of character and understands how people might react? I'm not saying that Jesus isn't divine in the movie. I'm just saying, in this movie, it's kept pretty vague. It also allows other productions to interpret as they wish.