Cameron H.

What're you all going to be for the 31st of October? Two years ago I dressed as Magnum P.I. Last year, I went as a Jedi. Therefore, the only logical thing for me to do this year is...

It IS on Prime! Yay!

Wait a minute...this movie was just on Netflix a couple of weeks ago... Did we seriously do Gods of Egypt when we could have been doing Dreamcatcher for free? I mean of course I watched it when I could--you guys know I did--but damn that sucks. Would have liked to watch it closer to the show :(/>

Dreamcatcher? As usual, Mr. Hemingway and I are of the same mind when it comes to most things written by Stephen King...

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Wow. Have you guys seen this? Jesus. This is why I generally avoid the Internet...and people in general.

I get that, but I REALLY liked Cottonmouth--lol. I think they did a really good job setting Diamondback up. It was like, "Wow, if Cottonmouth is scared of this dude he must be bad," and then he shows up and he didn't quite meet my expectations. As far as the MM song goes, it was more the context than the song itself. Having MM in there, I don't know, it just didn't really work for me. However, the scene beneath the song, with everyone getting bullet riddled hoodies, was one of my favorite moments in the whole show. So well done.

While I was a little bothered at first by the wholes "glasses on, glasses off" thing," I have to agree with Taylor Anne. He was definitely a bright spot for me. I actually loved all the villains except for Diamondback--who I thought was derivative and too over the top. I also loved the music-except for the Method Man song which was kind of cheesy.

Read my mind! (because of course you did) I liked it, maybe even loved it, but...I had some issues with it. Primarily, I kept falling asleep. However, the problem may be mine, since I was watching it at like 3:00 AM everyday because that's when my son wakes up to be fed. Since I set my alarm for 5:00 anyway, I've just been getting up at that time. After an episode or two, I would find myself nodding off. I thought it was just because of the time, but a couple days ago, I had some time in the afternoon to watch, and I still almost fell asleep! I mean, that could all be related--I don't know. Was it kind of boring or am I just over tired? I will definitely be watching it again though!

I'm really glad we're all digging into this! I mean, if the movie didn't want us to talk about it, then it shouldn't have brought it up. So my guess is that a vampire's scat would be very close in composition to that of a vampire bat's guano. According to this site, vampire bat guano is a great fertilizer and can be sold at rates as high as $2,000 per ton. Perhaps this is the secret to the Moroi's vast and unexplained wealth?

Oh, yeah...that's totally C&O of the Week material, right there

Off the top of my head, and I can only think of Masters of the Universe, but I'm sure there are more.

Ah! That's why those movies are so shitty.

Look, I know I should be better than this, but early in the movie, when Lissa and Rose are discussing how Rose can sometimes see through Lissa's eyes, Lissa asks, "Have you ever seen me go to the bathroom?" So...do vampires poop?

That's perfect! Now, if someone could just get some leprechaun gear on Dimitri...They must have used some of that Lord of the Rings forced perspective shit to make him look so tall in the movie.

Ha! To me, he will always be younger, thinner Meat Loaf. I'm not sure if that makes him "bobo" or not... All I can say for sure is I could not get "I Would Do Anything for Love" out of my head while watching this, and for that, he must pay.

That's hilarious! My Netflix basically used this image Photoshopped onto a green background: Which is fine, I suppose. I guess this is just Netflix's way of saying, "Spoilers don't exist when the film is already this rotten. You're welcome."

Throughout the movie, Dimitri is constantly telling the audience that Rose is nothing more than a "novice"--that she's not a true Guardian. We even see this for ourselves when we first meet Ducky, as the first thing he does (besides tell a group of his peers that "Dimitri is a God") is totally hand Rose her ass. At this point, the movie is pretty much telling us that, due to her yearlong absence, her fighting skills have atrophied to the point that even Ducky, a student who was (maybe) at best her equal at Dhampir-ing, has now far outpaced her skills. Furthermore, based on the running gag of Rose trying to catch Dimitri off guard, we are shown that Rose's innate battle instincts tell her that the best way to catch your opponent unaware is to yell for a full ten second as you slowly charge at them and jump on their back like a goddamn Muppet. I only bring all this up to point out how gloriously inept the Guardians she takes out at the beginning must have been. Not only do they immediately give themselves away, but about five, fully trained, adult Dhampirs let an untested and out of practice teenager kick all of their sorry asses. Dimitri would have been better off just having Ducky bring them in. Also, a bit off topic, but just a quick tip for the lovelorn, if you ever finding yourself referring to the rival of your love's affections as "a God," you might as well just go ahead and throw in the towel. That's a big fat "GAME OVER," bro.

So...a quick question on the cafeteria. We're told that these people are people "obsessed with vampire books and shows" who volunteer to be fed on for a year, at the end of which, they have their memories of the last year wiped away. Okay, I'm willing to bet that when Twilight was at its height there would have been plenty of people willing to do something like that. My question is, prior to the publication of Anne Rice's publication of Interview With the Vampire in 1976, and thereby ushering in the era of vampires being quasi-benign creatures of sexual attraction rather than straight up monsters, where exactly did they get their "volunteers?" From what I gathered from the film, the Moroi don't exactly have much to offer--not even the memory of the orgasmic ecstasy you felt as your blood was drained from your body. They can't turn you into one of them, and even if they could, it's not like they'd be granting you immortality or eternal beauty or something. So before vampires became all the rage forty years ago, how exactly did they convince people to be cool and let them suck their blood for a bit? Why do I have the sinking suspicion the answer lies somewhere between orphaned street urchins and vampiric compulsion....

Well, not all illnesses and diseases. Sadovky's Syndrome sounds kind of shitty... I guess they're just immune to human diseases, and instead prone to unexplained, and just as deadly, vampire diseases? Once again, being a Moroi just seems to blow.

Honestly, being a Moroi doesn't seam to be all it's cracked up to be. You age normally. You're mildly allergic to sun. You can't turn into a bat or any other such creature of the night. You can still die. In fact, you are so mortal, you need to have a bodyguard from birth just to keep you safe. If it wasn't for the fact that they do seem to have some powers of compulsion and elemental magic (which apparently they can't use to defend themselves) I'd say they're just a bunch of snobby cannibals who just fancy themselves as vampires. However, haven written all that, I do have some questions... 1) What is the point of Vampire Academy? Seriously. What are they going to school for? What's the career path? They learn to control the elements? Okay...To what end? Once you can make a candle light by itself, what's the next step? Arson? I'm just saying, I don't think this school is doing its best to produce healthy, productive members of society. 2) If every Moroi needs a Dhampir to protect them from Strigoi (Jesus...), why was the car that got into the accident at the beginning of the movie not twice as full? Sure, Rose is there for Lissa, but shouldn't there have been at least three more Dhampir crammed in the backseat like a goddamn clown car?

When Rose confronts Dimitri about her spellbound desire for his "sweet sassy molassy," he goes through a long mathematical justification for why they can't (currently) be together: I get it. He's eight years older than her, and when those eight years difference is 25 and 17, that age gap is pretty significant--not to mention, illegal and inappropriate. But you know what else is illegal and inappropriate? A teacher engaging in a romantic relationship with a student--regardless of the age difference. He does all this mental arithmetic how old each of them need to be to make his lust for her acceptable, but apparently the question of taking advantage of one of his students never even entered that equation. What a sleazeball...