Cameron H.

Ha! Sorry about that. I should have known better. If you want, you can bring up how she never once asks her sous chef anything about his life? From start to finish, it's always about what's going on with her. He's about to lose his job too, you know. Do you maybe want to talk to him a little about that? No? You just want to go on and on about your crush while your business goes under? Great.

In regard to "Not Dan Aykroyd's" role in the movie, I initially thought he was a genii since he tells her his name is "Gene O'Reilly." I thought it was weird that this guy was being given full name treatment and the fact that he doesn't really hit the "O" very hard in "O'Reilly" it kind of comes out like "Genii, really." I also though this might be the case since SMG's character's name is "Amanda Shelton" which I thought was a play on the crab's shell and her sheltered lifestyle. However, when questioned about why he's there, he tells her that he has come "from a very far distance" and only comes when the need is "absolutely necessary." I think this lends itself more to the idea that he's a literal angel come down from Heaven on a mission from her mother. What's weird though is that this "absolutely necessary" thing she has to do seems to have less to do with the restaurant, in which case I would assume divine intervention would have come a lot sooner, and more to do with her getting some hot greasy kitchen sex from Tom. When she first espies Tom at the market, "Not Dan Aykroyd" says something to the effect of "now you see what you're supposed to be looking for" not "Focus up! These crabs are going to make you a successful chef." Finally, since Paul seemed to enjoy it last week...... FORUM GAME!!!!! As stated above, Not Dan Aykroyd is there because it is, in his words, "absolutely necessary." I find it incredibly hard to believe that God would send a Heavenly envoy to Earth because it was "absolutely necessary" that SMG's restaurant stays open and that she bangs some douchebag. Obviously, there has to be a greater cosmic significance to it. Do they need to be together so SMG will give birth to the Messiah? Are we living in a post-9/11 world because we live in a reality where SMG refused to buy those crabs? So, my challenge to the forum is this: Please explain why the events in this movie were 'absolutely necessary?' Butterfly Effect this shit out and write a scenario in which either a horrible event occurs or is averted by SMG getting/not getting those crabs? Depending on popularity and participation, and because I think it's fun, I may try to come up with a different game for every episode going forward.

I found SMG's character to be incredibly judgmental in this movie. In regard to Paul's point about a "chef's costume," when she first meets Tom at the desolate Farmer's Market, and she stands before him in her gold lamé tank top like she didn't have time to changed after a long night at the club, she has the nerve--nay, the gall!--to question Tom's credentials as a restauranteur by telling him that he's "not dressed like a chef." Seriously, SMG?!? Who are you to be giving criticism on proper chef attire? Then, when Tom and his girlfriend show up at his restaurant, she goes on and on about what a horrible person she must be and how she isn't right for him. Um, might I remind you that he's the one openly flirting with a woman he's just met in front of his current girlfriend...Sure, Amanda Peet might not have made the best first impression, but make no mistake, he's the asshole! You might want to reserve some of that righteous judgement for him.

Loved the episode and the movie was amazing! I really feel like June was getting to this when they were talking about culinary hygiene but never really got to it. Not only does SMG not wear a hairnet, but when she is fretting about cooking for Tom and his girlfriend, she pulls out a big hunk of raw chicken with her bare hands, and as her anxiety grows, she repeatedly runs her nasty fingers through her hair. Gross! So, not only is she apparently ignoring her mother's tried and true recipes, but she is also contaminating her customers' food--not to mention that her hair probably smells like rotten chicken. Is it really any wonder why her restaurant is closing down... Also, I had a real problem with the idea of having a restaurant in a clothing retailer. Tom says at a press conference ( ? ) that people will have the opportunity to enjoy a fine dining experience followed by free run of the store after they've eaten. First of all, I don't like the idea of people who have just eaten pawing at a bunch of clothes, but stranger still, is who the hell wants to shop for clothes after having just eaten? "Gee-I'm nice and bloated now, guess I'll go try on some pants..."

That's actually a tough question... It is terrible! However, that being said, I don't think I've said "What is happening?" more in any other HDTGM movie.* Literally, and I'm not being hyperbolic, every minute I turned to my wife and was like, "Wait! What?" So, it's really up to you...If you like that in your HDTGM movies, then I think it's worth it. Also, and someone may need to confirm this, but I think it might be up on YouTube in its entirety... *I haven't seen EVERY movie they've done, but I have seen most of them.

Just a quick detour from the Theme Song discussion: While I am always thrilled to have something I've written read on the mini, and I know my joke was terrible, but Paul's reaction to the fact that it was set in rural New York kind of makes me think that he didn't actually "get it." I mean, I'm not trying to say that getting the location will make it a good joke (let's face it, I didn't have much to work with), but it is sort of crucial as far as getting to the punchline. Oh well...it was still fun to hear it read. Still wish I could have come up with something for the dead dog one, but honestly, there's no way that can be the punchline to a joke. The fact they were laughing as hard as they were in the movie only proves that all the characters in The BND were a bunch of sociopaths.

We would be remiss if we didn't include this one...

Just finished watching Simply Irresistible... This movie was drowning in metaphorical cum.

This may be sacrilege, but I actually prefer the new cartoon's theme to the old one. My son loves it! *chokes back a sob* Little guy makes me so damned proud... As another instrumental, I'd like to also add the theme song for Angel. I don't know that the show ever lived up to that intro. It's more what the show wanted to be rather than what it actually was. Still, I liked the two seasons and the series finale.

Well, we're in between episodes right now. I gotta C&O something, right? I always just paste the URL minus the "S" in "https." That always works for me. Otherwise, I think it's: [media] the url (still minus the "s") [/media]

I could feel your pain all week from way across the country. I'm not from Orlando originally, but I lived there, and around there, for the better part of a decade. When it happened, I was just scanning names to make sure there wasn't anyone I knew, but the more stories I read about the individuals, the more I realized that it doesn't matter that I didn't know any of them personally, y'know? I still knew them. Suffice it to say, I've surprised myself a couple times welling up as I read these stories. However, over the week, my feelings for why silly things like HDTGM are important has been somewhat reinforced. While they can't ameliorate the pain, and shouldn't be an ether to forget what has happened, it's important to remember that there are good things in the world--positive things--and we can't let ourselves be so swept up in sorrow that we become blind to the fact that, ultimately, for everyone of every lifestyle, life should be something worth living and should be lived with one's whole heart. If we forget that, then what's even the point? I guess what I'm saying is this: make your day better, by making other people's day better. I'm not just talking about friends and family, either. Everyone. Smile. Sympathize. Tell a stupid joke. Whatever. Thank the bag boy for bagging your groceries or tell a stranger that you like their shoes. Like Candide (kind of) said, "Let's us tend to our own garden." Let's make the space around us something beautiful, and then let's take that with us wherever we go. And to the people who say, "Well the Bible says so and so so therefore it's wrong" and use that as an excuse to say all manner of terrible things, I'll just say this: the New Testament was a reaction to the Old. It basically threw away a lot of the outdated bullshit (e.g. a menstruating woman needs to leave the village and so forth). What this means, from a spiritual perspective, is that either God is not infallible, or that He is willing to change His mind from time to time. And if fucking God can do that, then so can you! Seriously, if it takes a freaking book for a person to realize that something--that should be self-evident--is the wrong way to think, then I will gladly get to work on the New New Testament and clarify some of that bullshit for you. This episode of Cameron's Soapbox was brought to by Dove. Dove: "Ain't it great to smell like a bird?"

Wow, that's really flattering! Although, I'm not sure the Internet could handle my rugged good looks. I don't want the Earwolf site to crash. I will say, I did try to find a picture of me dressed as Thomas Magnum from last Halloween, but, alas, I can't seem to locate it Considering this group, I felt it would be the most appropriate. Basically, I look just like this guy: So...if Paul wants to use that gif, I'd be cool with it. Also, in regard to awesome theme songs... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBIgXhiOpeQ ETA: John Hillerman looks like a Thomas Lennon character... I mean, I don't want to get into specifics, but Earwolf is constantly trying to throw money my way. And I have to be like, "No, no. I do this for the love of the game." However, I will say I do make enough to recently get this. I'm not saying anyone else has to, but just thought I might direct some traffic that way...

In regard to theme songs, I think the definitive version of "Charles in Charge" has to be by Christian rock band Relient K. I love the fact that Jesus makes a cameo in the song Also, if you're going to include Sport Theme Songs, you have to include John Tesh's "Roundball Rock."

Yay! We're all winners!

First Time Caller-- Sorry this is a couple of days late, but Happy Birthday! I hope it was a good one.

Clearly, I need to up my transition game. That didn't bother me too much, since Vanessa says that to Usnavi in the song "It Won't Be Long Now" from In the Heights by Lin-Manuel Miranda. (Occurs at 1:43) I just figured it was more of a New York thing--like something Jenny from the Block picked up before moving out to California...

I don't mind it, at least, not in the facetious way they've been using it. But, if I were ever out with someone and they said something like, "Ooooh! Look at the buns on that one..." then, yeah, that would totally gross me out. Okay, it looks like I might be wrong on this one... I just really don't understand the reasoning on putting on another outfit before putting on your final outfit, but you and Tomspanks have at least given me plausible reasons for doing so--not that I think that's necessarily what's going on here. I think, for this movie, it was more, "Let's give the audience a little aperitif before the main course." This would then be followed by a puff of cigar smoke and coarse, skeezy laughter.

I get that, but...wasn't her hair wet? That means she took a shower, and THEN got into pjs, did her hair and make up, got out of her pjs, then got dressed. I mean, I would get a bathrobe or towel...but pjs? So, yes, I understand pjs before a shower, but not after if you're going out. ETA: And just so everyone knows, this isn't exactly the hill I'm going to die on. Maybe I'm wrong. I'm just genuinely curious though if anyone actually does this.

Quick informal survey: Does anyone else change into pajamas before getting ready to go out? Like, take a shower, get into PJs, get out of PJs, and then get ready for a date...? Because it sure seems like J Lo did in this movie, and I found that to be highly bizarre,,, We see her with damp hair sitting in a chair, she tries on her "going out" shoes, she ogles TBND while simultaneously thrusting her hip out of her pajama slit, and then in the next scene, she's in...Chinatown? I mean, maybe it was supposed to be the next day, but if so, the movie certainly didn't bother to mark the passage of time.

Another thing we haven't mentioned is how at the end of the movie, Kevin motions to a large tool laying on the ground (a crowbar?) which J Lo somehow surreptitiously grabs, walks the length of the barn to where Noah is, has a full conversation with him, and then clocks him upside the head. Are we supposed to believe that Noah was so enamored with J Lo that he didn't notice her holding a two foot long bludgeoning weapon in her hands? How in the Hell was she concealing that from him? Of course, the whole thing is moot anyway since immediately after laying him out, she drops her weapon, turns her back on Noah, and tries to free her son. To everyone out there, as a general rule, if you ever get the drop on someone stronger than yourself who means to do you or your loved ones harm, you are well within your rights to keep hitting that motherfucker to make sure they stay down.

Are we really not going to talk about how J Lo's "reward" for surviving this whole ordeal is that she gets to get back together with her cheating husband? They made absolutely no effort in this movie to make him a sympathetic character or someone she should be with. At no point was I like, "Gee, I really hope they work things out...." In fact, in one scene, he tries to push part of the blame of his infidelity back onto J Lo when he tells her something like, "I cheated on you because WE weren't working hard enough to keep OUR marriage afloat." What the fuck, dude? You fuck your cookie scented secretary and somehow that's J Lo's fault? He also tells her, "I'm not giving up on us..." Um, guy, that's pretty much out of your hands. You screwed up. It's really up to her if she wants to forgive you or not. And I have a feeling that awkwardly kissing her as you drunkenly grope her ass isn't going to cut it. What really disappoints me though, is that I feel this movie would have really benefited by being a part of a Shared Universe. I would have really enjoyed it if--opening opposite this movie--was a romantic comedy called Honey Bunz. In it, a quirky, San Franciscan baker, who's loveable but unlucky with love, opens Honey Bunz--the titular sweet shop--and begins a torrid affair with a married man (Corbett). He would play the "bad" choice who disappears half way through the film before she finds "Mr. Right." Granted, as per the laws of all Rom Coms, you'd have to make change her profession to baker, but it would help to explain why her character smelled so much like cookies. It would be awesome if you could then play the movies concurrently, so when you finally get enough of a break from all the delightful antics happening in Honey Bunz to think to yourself, "Whatever happened to that cad Corbett?" you can flip over to The Boy Next Door and say, "Oh! He tried to get back together with his wife and ended up being tortured and shot by her own paramour. Good."

Sorry, Taylor Anne, my copy has gone back to Redbox heaven, so I can't confirm that for you--although I'm sure you're probably right. Unfortunately, during that scene I was too distracted by the this: "You suck, Mom! I can't stand you! Noah's the greatest-est guy EVER! He's my best friend and you're just a dumb-dumb stupid head! I Hate YOU!...I'll see you at school." I mean, seriously...you guys aren't going to skip today?

I thought he was allergic to emotions.

I just wanted to bring up a couple, not "edition" based, things regarding The Illiad in this movie. When Noah is in the kitchen talking about The Illiad, did anyone else think that the answer to the question "Do you know what he called Agamemnon?" was going to be a lot better than, "A pitiful king." I was expecting something waaaaaaay cooler than that. I mean, he's trying to convince a couple of people how great it is and the best thing he can come up with is, "You know that king you don't know about? Well this other guy that you don't know didn't like him. Isn't that awesome?!" Also, since Noah isn't introduced to the class until after J Lo tells them that they are going to be studying The Illiad, don't you think they would have thought it was a little bit odd that this kid was introducing himself by reciting a quote from that specific book? Oh, and they would have totally thought he was a complete dork. Bursting into poetry in front of a room full of teenagers rarely goes as well as it's portrayed in the movies. UPDATE: I re-watched these scenes this morning, and I was wrong, they are the same classroom. I think where I got messed up was in the first instance, if you look behind J Lo, it is clearly about 8 o'clock at night.