Cameron H.

Okay, fuck, marry, kill: Forum posters, Twitter followers, Facebook fans.

I just started watching Top Dog. I got as far as the title... Oh, Hollywood! What manner of what-the-fuckery hast thou wrought? I'm going back in...

Yeah, I really just put that aside in there so that my "passive audience" remark wouldn't come across as sounding like I felt forum posters were somehow "better" fans than Twitter followers. Otherwise, yeah, I think we're saying basically the same thing. I just found it odd that the desire for another Sharknado episode seemed to divide so cleanly between social platforms, and I was just throwing a theory out there. To wit, Twitter followers seem to be more content with the episode in and of itself, and since they have no desire to explore these movies beyond that, are more apt to be pro-Sharknado 4, whereas people who do put the time into reading/writing forum posts are against it, because it becomes more or less a non-starter as far as conversations go.

Oh! That reminds me of something I meant to add in my previous post! In regards to doing Sharknado 4, these boards are full of great "bad" movie suggestions, I just get frustrated that some of these are not getting done simply so we can watch Tara Reid stumble through another flying shark movie. Thanks for reminding me, Smigg! With that, I am officially done with my rant.

What's odd to me is that seems like those of us who post on the forums seem to be overwhelmingly against the idea, but the Twitter-heads seem to be all for it. I kind of wonder why that is...Is it a personality thing? The only thing I can think of is that those of us who post on the boards are more of the "let's enjoy the episode, but let's also get into it ourselves and discuss it in our own way," whereas people who are on Twitter, and I don't mean this to sound as condescending as it might, are maybe a more passive audience. I guess what I mean is, when they do episodes like Jupiter Ascending, Deep Blue Sea, Xanadu or whatever, we all enjoy what our hosts have to say, but there is still a lot of meat on the bone for us to discuss here. In other words, I like listening to HDTGM, but I like coming here and talking about the movies ourselves almost as much; and when you do a movies like Sharknado (especially multiple times), there's just nothing really left for us to say. I know that makes me a bit of a greedy, forum snob, but there you go. That all being said, if Paul, June, Jason, and Scott are still having fun watching these movies then I'm not against it. The episode certainly didn't suffer from it being the third time they've talked about these stupid movies. I'll probably just skip the movie again next year and just listen to the episode. And despite what they said in the episode itself, I'm sure SyFy LOVES the fact that HDTGM is covering these. Yeah, they're making fun of them, but they're also guaranteeing at least a view thousand viewers who will tune in just so they can fully enjoy the HDTGM episode that is sure to follow. That being the case, I think SyFy owes the gang a lot. By virtue of the crate of bobble heads they got, SyFy obviously recognizes that they are bringing in a significant amount of viewers. In fact, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if they were all asked to do a brief cameo in the next one, and short of them writing it themselves, that might be the only reason to tempt me to catch it when it airs.

This was my response to hearing Top Dog was our next movie, followed by Paul's explanation of what the movie is about:

Guys, guys, guys...let's all take a step back. I feel it's getting all Internet-y in here. First of all, Effigy, let me assure you my feathers remain unruffled. We're good. You're free to like or dislike any movie you want to, I may disagree with your opinion, but I'm in no way offended or angry. Also, although I'm sure he doesn't need me to, I would like to say some things in Blast's defense. There are hundreds of topics here on the Bad Movie Recommendation thread and there is no way the hosts will ever get to them all. In my mind, it's just another place people can go and just talk movies for whatever reason--whether they've seen it or not. A couple weeks ago, I was making fun of the Suicide Squad trailer and that movie doesn't even come out until next year. Who knows, maybe the movie will be great, but I'm still allowed to have a gut level reaction to it, especially since trailers are intended to make you want to go see the movie. And since the purpose of a trailer is to convince you to go see it, we also have to assume the studio is going to put scenes in the trailer that are most representative of the tone and subject matter of the movie. Blast saw the trailer, got the gist of where they were going with it (keeping in mind that it's a reboot of a beloved classic) and said what he wanted to say to get a dialog going with the rest of the community. He did it for the exact same reason you started this thread--to talk about it. And here we are. Was it harsh? Maybe...? I guess...? Was it more harsh than what you wrote about Ass Backwards? I'd say that's debatable. In Blast's case he was a ) being intentionally, and humorously, hyperbolic, and b ) he qualified what he was saying by writing "it looks like" as opposed to your opening post where you wrote "Ass Backwards was..." I know this is all semantics, and intentions don't always come across effectively when writing them on the Internet, but I think it does make a difference if we're going to discuss something like, "who's being harsher." More importantly, Blast wasn't writing his opinion on the Facebook page of the Director/Writer of Vacation, and I think that is where you're getting the most resistance to your suggestion. In my mind, when we're writing on the HDTGM forums, we are ostensibly guests in their house. If you were to suggest suggest Ass Backwards on another Bad Movie Podcast's page, I'm sure no one would give the slightest sliver of a fuck. But to suggest it on the HDTGM forums is basically like being invited over to a friend's house for dinner, being served a complicated meal made from an old family recipe, and then spending the rest of the night complaining to your hosts about how shitty it was.* In other words, it's not necessarily the suggestion that was the problem, it was the propriety of the suggestion. *Yes, you have since clarified your initial suggestion to say it wouldn't necessarily be shitting on the movie, and I do believe you when you say that was not your intention. I'm stating this solely on how your suggestion was initially interpreted.

Effigy, I'm not trying to be deliberately obtuse, but it seems like your motivations are kind of all over the place... You began this post describing Ass Backwards as "a bad version of Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion." You later wrote you wanted to hear her discuss it based on its critical reception. And you also wrote that you just want to hear her talk about it just to hear her talk about it in the greater context of the hosts talking about their own films. I guess I just don't know what you want. If you want them to do a typical HDTGM episode based on Ass Backwards, I just don't think that's going to happen--even in a Crank, Fast and Furious, Punisher-type way. And even if they were going to do that, I think they would have done so back when it was released. The problem is--and why I don't think they ever even thought to do that--is that there isn't a way that they could encourage their fans to watch a movie that one of them wrote and then listen to them shower it with praise for an hour. Even if they were being 100% sincere (which I have no doubt they would be), there's no way that's not going to come off as disingenuous. If you just want to hear them talk about their own movies, I don't know if this is the right podcast for that. I have sometimes read people describe HDTGM as a movie review podcast, but I've never seen it that way. I have always seen HDTGM as a comedy podcast that just happens to talk about bad/crazy movies. That may not make a lot of sense, but the distinction is clear in my mind even if I can't articulate it properly. As an added point, in regard to them talking about their movies (Ass Backwards in particular), they've already done it. In this mini-episode June talks a little bit about Ass Backwards, the making of it, and what it means to her. She even says she may love it "too much." It might not be everything you were hoping for, but it is something.

In my opinion, I think that makes this suggestion even worse. According to iMDB, Ass Backwards is at least partially based on a road trip June and Casey took and is dedicated to their late mothers. Think of the movie however you want, but obviously it meant a lot to both June and Casey--regardless of whether or not it was "just a comedy." Having something you poured your heart into analyzed and criticized by, not only the public at large, but by your husband and your friend/colleague, is just a shitty thing to ask of someone and is only asking to hurt their feelings.* When you look back on episodes where an actor or director of a film is present, the person they are speaking with is never that attached (emotionally) to the project. For instance, I don't think you could have James Nguyen on an episode about Birdemic, because however the public perceived it, it still came from a personal place for Mr. Nguyen; however, you can have Whitney Moore on because it's not her story, she was just an actress in it. I think you are misunderstanding the spirit of the show if you want to have June on and speak of her movie in this way. If you just want the hosts to speak about a project they were involved with, I think that better suggestions might be Year One or Piranha 3DD. In both those cases, June and Paul respectively, were just actors and didn't have a hand in the writing or creation of the film. Personally, I would never want any of them to ever do a show about a movie they wrote. I don't know any of them personally, but every two weeks (or every week in Paul's case) they keep me company, make me laugh, and help me get through the drudgery of my day-to-day. I know this doesn't make me their "friend," but I do care about all three of them, and I wouldn't want to hurt any of their feelings or ever place them in a position where they might potentially be hurt. *And before someone posts something about hurting other film makers' feelings, I'd just say those people aren't a part of this show and always have the option of not listening, walking away, or just plan ignoring it.

The fuck??? Can't they just be shark torpedoes?

...oh my God, I think you're right.

Damn, all these souls are starting to sound pretty high maintenance...not to mention the hassle of claiming them all as dependents come tax season. You know what? Fuck it. I am reversing the liens placed upon everybody's soul. Everyone gets their soul back. Souls for everyone! The fact of the matter is that I work for a non-profit that provides counseling and rehabilitation for sharks displaced in weather related events. The pay's not great, but the work is it's own reward. Yes, but it's really more of a lifestyle than a profession. Do you think that maybe we should start our own online HDTGM Marco Polo League? Sure the logistics would be a nightmare, but I think it would really strengthen our bonds as a community. Everyone has waterproof laptops, right?

My, my, my--looks like I'm going to add a whole new wing to my house with all the souls I'll be collecting... However, I will say that I listen to enough My Brother, My Brother and Me to appreciate the inherent compliment you've suggested in assuming a lowly drudge such as myself could somehow be worthy enough to work with horses in any capacity. Can you imagine what a Heaven it would be to work with God's most beautiful and majestic creatures? What if we all could? "Two riders, one heart." But no, I do not play polo--equestrian or aquatic--professionally. Although I do engage in a little Marco Polo from time to time, but strictly on an amateur level.

...water or equestrian?

Sorry, I'd like to help you (I really would), but truly, my hands are tied. This is your standard, run-of-the-mill Faustian contract; if I break the rules for you, then I have to break them for everyone. As you can imagine, this just muddies everything, and ultimately, dilutes the commodity. So sorry--no hints, no clues. (Unless, of course, I've already hidden clues...) What can I say, people seem to like to read their sex. ...And you're on the clock. Solamen miseris socios habuisse doloris.

Wow, insulting a movie one of the hosts wrote...interesting tactic. Personally, I enjoyed Ass Backwards, but good luck trying to gain traction on this one.

Oddly enough, you were pretty close on both counts. I went to college to become an English/Writing teacher, but after a couple of practicums I couldn't muster up the desire to teach a subject that I loved to a bunch of shitty, unappreciative kids. And I did do a little freelance editing last year for indie authors, but after correcting "to/too/two" about a billion times, I had to quit or risk an embolism. Author (?) : It's just a short story, how come you're not done yet? Me: Well, it would go faster if I didn't have to correct every third word or have to email you and explain how punctuation works. I should also point out that the majority of the titles I worked on were erotic fiction, and although I have no problem with that per se, reading illiterate erotic novels is mind obliteratingly terrible. However, now that you have chosen to engage in my little game, I should remind you that should you fail to guess my profession in fourteen days your soul will belong to me! HAHAHAHA! Oh, did I not mention that in my previous post? Must have slipped my mind... tick-tock, tick-tock...

Since I didn't watch Sharknado 3 I'm not sure how qualified I am to comment on the movie, but I had an epiphany of sorts while listening to the episode regarding this franchise's use of cameos--specifically as applied to Teller. From what I gather, Teller was playing a military officer of some sort and Scott asked the question, "Why can't he talk if he's not playing himself?" To me, this is a very good question and further highlights that--despite how successful these movies may be--the film makers still don't have a clue how to make a decent movie. I say this because the only answer I could come up with for Scott's question was: he doesn't talk because, in his act, Teller doesn't talk. I know that sounds like a self-evident piece of nonsense, but stick with me. In my opinion, for a cameo to work, you can go one of two ways: in the case of a drama/action movie, it should be memorable, but subtle enough to not pull you out of the movie (e.g. Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross), or, in the case of a comedy, the joke has to work regardless of whether the person is famous or not (e.g. Barbara Billingsley in Airplane!). In either event, the actor should never overshadow the role they are playing. When Teller is onscreen, the first thing that comes to mind shouldn't be, "Hey, that's Teller!" We should be thinking, "Hey, that's a military guy" and maybe "Wait a minute--is that Teller? Cool, I've never heard him talk before..." I recognize that this is a silly little quibble, but I think it is at least a symptom of why the Sharknado movies (especially 2 and I would assume 3) just don't work for me. They're not just "bad" movies, they are inept movies. They fail as comedies and they fail as action movies. Just because you can tap out some balderdash script on a keyboard, point the camera in the right direction, and get people to watch it, doesn't mean you have an aptitude for movie making. Then again, what do I know? I freely admit, just as I don't work in Human Resources, I don't work in the film industry either...but if anyone can guess my career within a fortnight, they are welcome to my pot of gold!

I think we can all agree that the mastermind behind all of these sharks is Jason-motherfucking-Statham.

Unless Paul, Jason, June, and Scott write the next one, you can put me down as #SharkNAYdo4. But feel free to tweet #SharkYAYdo4 if you disagree. (I gotta say, despite not being on Twitter, I am killing it with the hashtags.) On an unrelated note, I hacked into June's computer and opened her "DON'T LOOK IN HERE/ NOT IMPORTANT STUFF" file, but all I found was this:

No way Plan B, that was profound--a post for the ages. Congrats on 2000!

I'm with all of you, I understand tastes are subjective, but damn, this list is just bizarre. Of those listed, I would say Face/Off is probably the most solid choice--even if it wouldn't necessarily be one of my own personal choices. But seriously, Glitter and LOL? And although I haven't seen Crossroads, from what I gathered from the episode, it's kind of in the same ilk. There just seem to be a lot of dramas on this list, and personally, bad dramas aren't the types of movies I like to go back and sit through. In a weird way, I want the same things from a bad movie as I want in a good movie: escapism and a good time. Don't expect me to sit through two hours of a poorly acted, sad sack drama because you're trying to be "deep." Fuck that. Once was enough for most of these movies. This list would almost make sense to me if the blogger meant that these were the most re-listenable episodes of HDTGM, although I find most of their episodes to be infinitely re-listenable. As far as my personal list goes (in no particular order)* 1) Road House 2) Deep Blue Sea 3) Batman & Robin 4) Anaconda 5) Congo 6) Hudson Hawk 7) A View to a Kill 8) Tango & Cash I will say though, I really did enjoy Safe Haven--if only for the fact that it seemed like a pretty normal movie on the surface that just got crazier the more you thought about it. However, I do recognize that's probably just me. *Like many of the other posters, I am omitting things like the Fast movies from my list, because for me they fall more on the "good movies, but insane" spectrum. I was just trying to stick to straight up "bad" movies.

Thanks, Auden! I would say there is a good percentage of HDTGM movies that I have never watched--nor have the intention of watching--and it has never affected my ability to enjoy the podcast on its own merits. I pretty much came to the conclusion that I wasn't going to watch it because, like Fister, I don't have cable. I tried the link he posted, but I wasn't able to watch it without having a cable provider. I'm sure there are other (less savory) ways I could get it, but you know what, I just don't care enough to look into it. I am looking forward to the episode though. Instead, I'll just post .gifs of my vacation. Here's one of me an my boys just kickin' back.