JMonsterface

Dammit you're right! Now I really regret not including a Cool Wazoo in the pic I posted. Lets just hope S+H aren't forgetting to use them on the set.

That is a hilarious joke. I would like to see more photos of your wonderful dog please.

My grandpa was a ww2 paratrooper, he was at Normandy. Later in life he became a professional racist, a borderline pedophile, and a serial cheater. Had a mistress into his nineties. Weird dude. I don't know my other GD cause when I was a teenager I found out my dad wasn't my dad (Kulap style!). I never fixed anything in a car ever, but I did t-bone a taxi going under 5mph once because marijuana made me forget that left turners have to wait. I also think the new forum people are pretty cool! Partly because I'm afraid I might be one of the people you guys are annoyed with, and partly because, hey, they're just tryin to have fun, and they'll probably learn! Idk... \_ _/ Great posting today/tonight everybody! It was a lot of fun to read!

I am loving everything that is happening right now. Unfortunately I'm slightly busy today and I really hate that I'm missing this. Then again, I'll get to read and enjoy all the cool stuff later, so, pretty awesome still. Just wanted join in the positivity a little!

I've been waiting for this moment for all my liiiiiIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiife.

I was tending bar in some backwater dumpy hovel of a shambling shithole-pigsty called New York city. People say it's the city of brotherly dreams, but to me it looked more like a great big apple- more than I can swallow. That night I was feeling like an overstuffed sack of Indian spices tossed casually into the backseat of a runaway car speeding down the highway of an easy life. What I didn't know was that this highway was about to come... to a crossroads. As I went about the usual business of slinging cheap beers and mozzarella stix to sad trash, listening to their sob stories as I polish the silverware to the drone of some sports type show (the kind guys in forums like to talk about), in walks the most gnarled up chunk of human indignity I'd ever laid eyes on. He walked up to the bar and sat down right in front of me, reeking of squalor, and pointed his toothless grin my way. "You must be old man Fingers." I said, looking away. The man was infamous in this neighborhood as the worst kind of deadbeat goodfornothing tramp around. The kind of man I despise. "I just want a scotch." he wheezed, "Triple." I winced at the thought of serving this lowlife, but a jobs a job. As I tried to ask, "So, three fing-" he cut in with, "Just pour the booze, boy, and get out of my face." Again I cringed. This dirtbag was really starting to piss me off. "Look old man," I sneered, "you wanna drink? Well then lets see some ID." "Aww come now, I aint got one ah those!" he pleaded, "But even if I don't got all my papers in order, you know damn well I'm plenty old enough!" The desperation in his eyes only fueled my hatred. I leaned down and put my face to his, and in a whisper so strong it might as well have been a right hook I said, "Get the fuck out of my bar." He scoffed, half indignant, and half amused. After slumping off the stool in resignation, he dragged his crusty old frame out the door. "Thats right you glob of scum with pants," I said, feeling righteous, "and don't come back." I was aglow. I felt like a real hero, and hot as a well spiced curry. You coulda called me Star Anise. It was just as I was about to settle back into the silverware when I heard footsteps coming towards me. I looked up to see a young man, all of twenty five, bristling with confidence, and yet with eyes that spoke of a deep worldly sadness. He reminded me of myself at that age, which had been the year before, when I first came here, before this carnival of debasement had started to eat away at my will to live. "Hi there!", he said extending his hand out to mine, and giving it a firm shake, "The names Johnny Fingers!" My heart sank. "Look kid," I said, "I just threw your old man outta here and I'm thinking of doing the same to you." "It's not like that!" he protested. "I'm looking for a job. I need to support my family." My heart dropped right through the floor. I felt for the kid, but I couldn't let him make the same mistakes as me, selling my soul to scrape a living off the bottom of this dryrotting barrel of a city. This kid could do better. I needed to think fast. "Well if I'm gonna hire you, I'm gonna need to see some documentation. Social Security card, licence, and at least one other valid form of identification." "But sir," he begged, "I may not have those things, but I'm an honest man, and I work hard! It's just, well, my daddy never really did have his papers in order and I guess, neither do I." "Kid, for all I know you're not even fit to clean one of these... um... SPOONS!" I said, fighting back my sympathies in an effort to do the right thing. With anger in his eyes and tears streaming down his face he stormed out into the cold black night, slamming the door behind him. I felt pretty good about myself. I'd been like the daddy he really needed, giving some of the tough love he'd never had. As i went back to my polishing there was a certain lightness in my soul, something shining from within the gaping maw of bleak emptiness inside of me. Something you might call pride. I was so distracted that I didn't even notice when she walked in. "Hey mistah?" I heard from across the room. It was a girl, a real dame of a broad, a little beat up looking, with a leopard print cocktail dress and a lit Parliment dangling from her chapped lips. The baby in her bjorn was some ethnicity I couldn't quite make out, partly because the top of his head was covered in ash. She was the hottest thing I'd seen since last night's dinner, a vindaloo, with cinnamon. "Hey, the names Suzy Fingers, I'm only nineteen, but I'll bang ya fer a couple shots!" she cooed, in her cracked rasp. "Well fork-give the pun," I said, holding up the titular utensil for effect, "but of the three Fingers, I'm not gonna card a mom." I winked. "See my name is actually Cardamom, get it?" "Not really!" "Who cares, go put that baby somewhere and lets get to that bangin!"

Spicy pad woon sen, shrimp rolls, thai iced tea. Very very good!

While were all talking about hip style hopping music, I'll contribute an anecdote. When I woke up today I, like Zach Galafinakis's portfolio, had a hangover. I was inclined to eat the main ingredient of Spunky's hat, but they say that leads to addiction, so instead I just blasted some Death Grips music into my skull and danced around like I didn't even care and now I feel better.

But wheres the one that happened after March 1st!!?

Behold the depths of my madness/ technical savviness!

How in the HECK did you do that!!? My old count in the last thread was all hand tallied! Just in case that sounds like the kind of thing I would say as a joke, that is true, and I can provide photographic evidence!

Thanks honlads!

I am so very afraid of this!

I must have stumbled into the National Lampoon forums! Cause I'm being lampooned!

Did anyone get the feeling that the "modified" popcorn gallery was Sean and Hayes way of doing a metaphor about the size of the last thread freaking them out?

"People hate when I'm being like a god." -Hazye West

Everyone's number of posts in this thread as of this post: American Diaper 109 Spunky Foonerism 52 Anastasia Vigo 46 Me 39 Dixon 35 A Bear 31 Kittens 26 Greggy 25 Zsinjeh 24 MBOP 24 Game of Scones 23 Chefszki 21 Joe McGurl 20 Ronnie Hog 20 Andrew 19 RanRan 18 Marshall Mellow 16 Bruce Ried Robinson II 16 honlads 16 Andy Dick Cheney 15 Bozos 14 Chanson 14 Valerie Bryant 11 Devscoots 9 mwn 9 Bertram Cooper 9 takehomejoke 6 Skizelo 6 Tim Treese 6 Agata 5 watchayakan 5 Toro y Moist 5 Mean Detective 4 CORPSEFUCKERSHITLORD 3 Musical Guest 3 Ensendada Slim 3 Dan Engler 3 MikeyObviously 2 Dabney2016 2 BoyGenie 2 Clem Dawg 2 BoScout 2 Toby Keith Sweat 2 Kieth Urban Dictionary 2 gym sockerman 1 Mister Smart 1 Burdrulz 1 durbeyfield 1 introcourse 1 Hayzie Bone 1 Tendakrunk 1 Will Sticksbeer 1 Pepper R 1 brgrho 1 Bengoobers 1 Gabe Danon 1 July Diaz 1 Assblaster {truley_blessed} 1 Freja 1 edit- The one labeled "Me" is me!

I'd just like to say that this thread DOES count and that it is the direct result of Sean and Hayes being so great and inspiring our cultlike devotion! I don't see how this thread is any different than any other thread except for the fact that it is bigger and better and has entertained/maintained the interest of more people for longer. This is not baseball, this is a community, and the fact that it is so strong is meaningful! Ps-Don't you dare Daiper!

I do not like this post.

Don't give up buddy! I wanna hear about all the food things! May I suggest sampling a nice Stromboli?

Is that the same thing as "high tea"? Either way, I am interested.

I did some punch up for you.

*I like to imagine in my mind someone seeing how high the number of replies is and is assuming maybe Kumail got in a Maron-style fight with Sean and Hayes, so they listen to the episode hoping to hear some juicy controversy, but then there isn't any and it's just a funny great episode. So at this point, they're thinkin, "Hey, what the heck!?", and probably scratching their heads, but also starting to loff a little bit at how weird and messed up the whole situation is. So then they go check out the forums thinking that everybody must have got upset and be arguing about something, and they're reading it and it's just nice cool funny people being calm and getting along, and this is really starting to freak their beans, but also is bussing their whole sh*t up, so much so that it's maybe even scaring them a little and they're starting to feel the need to read every post, and then by the time they they've done that they probably got so messed up in the head by reading all of that that now they're joining in and they're one of us now! *There are two animals and a toaster in the background of this story.