Big McLargehuge

Some random observations: -Idris Elba can smash through walls ‘n stuff cuz he’s a cyborg, but Vin Diesel can smash through a concrete wall (see Fast Five) because...? -In the beginning, AFTER Idris Elba kills a whole platoon of soldiers, his three henchmen roll up on their motorcycles and I thought they were gonna be in trouble for being late. -RULE OF THUMB: If you’re chasing someone in a car and you’re on a motorcycle, you WILL crash and fly off that thing. I learned that as kid in Never Say Never Again. (Conversely, if you’re ON a motorcycle and being chased, you will evade capture through an alleyway.) TFATF and Fast Five both reinforce this trope. -The villain’s plot (make half the world bionic, genocide everyone else) seems like it’s half Thanos, half The Borg. -The running gag about going on three reminds me of a similar runner in Lethal Weapon 2. I guess take whatever you want from those movies. Nobody should watch Mel Gibson movies anymore. They belong to the alt-right now. -Whenever they touched on the recurring theme of Family, I could hear Vinnie Deez saying “Fam-Uh-Wee” -This marks the first F&F movie where the comic relief mostly didn’t make me want to kill my self. -I didn’t need any of those cameos besides Helen Mirren and Rob Delaney. Why is Deadpool here? -As set up in Fast Five, nitrous can make your car not only go faster but much heavier so it can pull stuff like vaults and choppers. -Momma Shaw’s prison jewelry must’ve cost a fortune in cigarettes. -I giggled when, after battling shirtless, Hobbs quickly puts on a shirt as he’s diving into the back of the pickup (because continuity is a priority even though it was nighttime three minutes ago). Guess he didn’t want to get chilly chasing choppers. * *I was having some fun with alliteration there

Those spinning hand blades are a great weapon if a) you are fighting up close, which is always ideal for fighting giant monsters and things that fly, and b) if you want to blind your opponent with your own wrist blood.

When I found out my babysitter’s dad edited this movie, I was so excited that I raced to twitter to write the following thread.

I saw this movie when I was five years old. I didn’t rewatch it before listening to the podcast. The only parts I remember are the scene at the end when he gets abandoned with no clothes on in the boat and when the lady passes out at the sight of the stripper’s wiener. Both scenes horrified me enough that they stayed with me all these years. The rest is such a blur that listening to the podcast was like hearing comedians make fun of a dream you barely remember having.

In the 80s, we as culture were terrified of the female body, what with the bleeding and the reproduction and the myth of the clitoris, etc. This film is the product of that era. It stars Meredith Salenger from the Journey of Natty Gann, Joanna Pacula from Gorky Park, and Shawn Levy* from Zombie Nightmare, and I SWEAR I'M NOT MAKING ANY OF THOSE CREDITS UP! (©Dave Barry) OH, and there's a hellcat that receives no explanation or preamble. Just kinda shows up to jump out at people occasionally. It's really stupid looking, so I think you'll enjoy it. If you want a DVD of this movie, you have to either buy a bootleg which may or may not play or you can shell out several hundred dollars for an actual DVD or you can watch it on youtube. I recommend NONE of these methods, however. Why? Read on. Will this movie get covered on the show? Not likely. Is it worth watching? I think so. Is it worthy of the rifftrax treatment? I also think so. What idiot would waste his/her time doing such a thing? MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! https://youtu.be/2_Ix9FLmCGE The wife and I like making these. I just wish more people watched them. In a different thread, I posted a link to this other riff I made: http://youtu.be/11jXg-G_sGM I think one of you watched it (which I was thrilled about, really). This time around, CAN WE GET THAT NUMBER TO TWO?! Give me something to be thankful for this Thanksgiving and give this riff a chance. Thank you for your time. *The pony-tailed douche in this movie is a big-time director/producer nowadays. He directed the Night at the Museum trilogy as well as several episodes of Stranger Things, INCLUDING THE ONE WHERE BARB DIES! If you wanna see that guy get mauled to death by a hand puppet, you should really check this thing out.

You're proving my point: there's a lot to unpack with this movie and it would make a great episode of the podcast, but I doubt they would ever do a movie NOBODY's ever heard of. That's why I took matters into my own hands. The world needs to know about Meltdown!

When you're done consuming turkey, try consuming THIS turkey! But seriously, gang, I have officially riffed this movie. You can watch the wife and I provide commentary (absolutely free, already synced up) here: http://youtu.be/11jXg-G_sGM I only ask that if you like it, share it with others. Enjoy your Thanksgiving!

Close enough

In the previously-mentioned troubled third act, fake Schwarzenegger meets real-life Schwarznegger and says: "I don't like you. You've brought me nothing but pain." (Or something like that. I don't feel like researching it.) Can anyone tell me what this means? It's haunted me ever since the 90s. Which script doctor snuck that crap in? I'd like to punch him* in his stupid body. What kind of person would write such a thing? Why?! *How do I know it's not a "she"? BECAUSE, that's why! (Also, it messes up my punching fantasy.) UNRELATED THOUGHT: I was watching the bonus features on the Collateral Damage DVD (because I hate free time apparently) and in one of the outtakes, Schwarzenegger says, "Of all the movies I've done, this one is the most recent." I still think that's a good-ass joke.

Instead of fun, I JUST WANT TO update the link to the riff referenced in the first post because I lack shame. (The iRiff section of Rifftrax has been down for close to a year now.) https://gumroad.com/l/NtZr Here's a sample clip/trailer kind of thing: Thanks to Joven for purchasing my sillies.

I like the part where the prisoners get out of their cells in the middle of the night (Story of Ricky-style, because I guess they're on the honor system) not to escape, but to do battle in the kitchen wearing suits of armor made out of pots and pans and other crap. This movie's awesome.

I almost thought this thread was for this movie and I got concerned. [media='']http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzk7ohprYrs[/media] This movie is mostly dog shit, but the last twenty minutes or so (which includes an extended gun battle in which people hide behind a salad bar sneeze guard) is totally awesome. No glass is harmed in the making of this film. All glass shattered effects are done digitally, meaning that when the camera shakes the broken glass graphics float around in front of the glass that's supposed to have bullet holes in it. Also, Tila Tequila is a wonderful actress. Not suggesting this one for the show, but just in case you happen upon it streaming anywhere, you're better off skipping to act III. Anyway, you guys and gals go back to talking about your other Masterminds film. It sounds fun.

Shot on location in Wisconsin. Co-starring Robert Z'Dar and Joe Estevez (in a bona fide Soultaker reunion)! It is cheap, hideous, non-sensical, and largely inaudible. Everyone who gets shot is wearing a fresh Hanes undershirt with a VERY visible squib beneath. The two actors I mentioned above are the only professional actors in it. Drug dealers and federal agents are played by kindly old men and twenty-something computer programmer guys respectively. The bad guys' hideout is a music classroom, and it is never explained why. And just wait till you see the bad guy's meeting in the strip "club". (I won't spoil it here, but it is truly wonderful.) I think this one has the potential to be the next midnight sensation ala Birdemic and The Room, but not many people know about it. Let's fix that. The whole thing is on youtube: http://youtu.be/czaY_3peEz4 You're welcome. P.S. I doubt this will ever get on HDTGM, but I'd love you guys and gals to check it out and we can have our own fun right here in this thread. There's a LOT to dissect.

Just want to share a story I heard from Hadrian Belove, curator of the Cinefamily Theatre in L.A. He got to speak with Giovanni Ribisi regarding this very role. His recollection of Garry Marshall's two directions are as follows: "Remember, you're playing a mentally handicapped young man," and, "Not so retarded!" (I find it extra hilarious when I imagine PFT as Garry Marshall saying it.)

Literally-literally or HDTGM-literally?