Spunky Foonerism

No, I think it'll be fine devscoots. I'm not totally sure how it works, but I think it's still yesterday in Australia.

Now you've done it. For the next week its going to be Ken Griffey Jr this, Jimmy Hendrix that. Oh and maybe you've heard of Sir Mix-a-lot? Because Chanson sure as fuck has heard of him!

They don't call him "Cool Lucas" for nothing.

Dear Paul, What do you think is the funniest kind of bug?

Dear Paul, you famously stated in a Playboy interview that acting is easy if you remember that all human behavior is just combinations of the three main emotions: afraid, sleepy, and bonertime. Should a young actor like myself try to train equally in all three, or follow your example and specialize?

...a great place to pick up girls?

Fun's fun, but lets be fair Houston. You know you breathe out of your mouth sometimes.

I think the real issue is that we are smart and they are dumb. Edit: Here's an illustration that i hope will make my point more effectively. ..............................................................Smartness.......................................................................... me and Hayes and Sean > you guys > birds > bugs and trees > those guys > rocks and dirt

The ending dragged a little bit, like they were trying to sign off but then somebody would say something to keep the conversation going so they'd have to try to initiate the sign-off all over again. There's nothing like an abrupt "BYE!" to let you know a podcast is over. Anyway, I liked it. I think it really helped me to finally get a handle on which one is Hayes.

Ugh get a room you two! Nothing more awkward than real-life friends in an internet forum. It's like taking your masks off at an orgy! And in case you don't know what I'm talking about because you don't go to very many orgies, it's NOT COOL! It reduces the turgidity of everyone's erections by an average of almost 17%. Sure, its still enough to get the job done, but frankly if you think of it like a job, then you shouldn't be at an orgy in the first place. You should only go to an orgy if you really love fucking. Fucking strangers. Who goes to an orgy to try and reconnect with their acquaintances? Weirdos that's who. Now both of you go change your usernames to something anonymous, and we'll pretend this never happened. Edit: and just to be clear, ladies can have erections too. Read a science book.

Carrot Top. Fun fact, an actual carrot top (the part that sticks out of the ground) is GREEN! Not sure why they call an orange-headed guy Carrot Top, maybe it has to do with his big muscles.

I like to re-listen to every episode of Hollywood Handbook each week before the new one drops, just to re-familiarize myself with all the running jokes and continuity. Now I'm really glad that I went ahead and got the dialogue for every episode tattooed onto my body -- I'll be fine and won't have to give my hard-earned cash to Scott Moneyman. It'll be tricky to read the ones that are on my back, but I can probably use a mirror.

The first time I met Jeff Ullritch (today, 2015), I was all set to give him a piece of my mind. There was some kind of change in the way podcasts were going to be done on the internet, and all I know is that a bunch of my friends have opinions about it. For me? I just listen to them on my computer. I click the little button that kind of looks like an arrow but is more of just a triangle with the pointy end facing to the right. Anyway, if you know anything about me you know that I like to participate in what other people are talking about, so I said "Jeff, what are you doing on the internet, with the podcasts!? Don't you know how many opinions you are making people have? Did you even consider that for one second? That is so typical of something that you, Jeff Ullritch, would do!" He said, "I'm not Jeff Ullritch, I don't know who that is. But if you aren't going to order anything, I'm going to have to ask you to step out of line so I can help the customers behind you." I said, "Well played, Jeff Ullritch, you aren't fooling me one bit. I'll have a footlong tuna salad on the whole wheat bread." Then I said, "No, wait. I want the parmesan bread."

If you like to see some dogs eating strips of cucumber peel, you might just want watch this video. I made it, and it's my dogs in the video. If you have any suggestions for ways I could make the video better, you can go ahead and shove them right up your butt!

Can we get that on a t-shirt?

Chanson, you're thinking of "Two Broke Girls." And it isn't even a cartoon. Not sure how you could make that mistake, to be honest.

If you don't watch a lot of reality shows, RSS wont be that funny to you. I wouldn't bother. Edit: SIKE! Way to fall for a major fakeout, you dicks. Hahaha what a bunch of dicks.

I was just doing my daily perusal of my Hollywood Handbook Wiki page (it's a fine placeholder until my real wiki page gets approved) and learned that they actually asked my PCG question in the Pauly Shore episode. I have never listened to the guest segment of that episode because I was afraid it would be too awkward and awful, and because I heard that Sean got called the "h-o-m-o" word on it. The crazy thing is that even though I didn't listen, I assumed that they hadn't used my question and was real mad about it! Classic me. Anyway, I'm going to go back and listen to it now, and you all should go back and listen to it also because I asked such a good good question.

My darkest roll? Pumpernickel. There, now I'm a comedian too. Where's my check, Scripps? Edit: That is actually a damn good joke. I'm keeping it.

What's so great about podcasts anyway? Isn't it just a couple guys talking to each other? I go so far out of my way IRL to avoid that, so why should I then seek it out to waste some of my precious alone time? I may try listening to this podcast, just to see what all the hype is about. Just to be clear, though, I'm pretty sure I'm going to hate it.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Kool and The Gang Tippecanoe and Tyler too! Currier and Ives Proctor and Gamble But seriously? Listen to Firesign Theatre.

Get little drawings of a hand on each finger. Thumb is a hand giving "thumbs up," index is a hand giving "pointy guy," middle is giving "the bird," fourth guy is giving the "if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it," etc. And wouldn't THAT be meta-humor?

Guys have you listened to this weeks Hollywood Handbook episode? It's actually REALLY funny. I'm laughing out loud, and that's not an exaggeration. Are they all like this?

Hi everybody, I just wanted to check in and let you know that I'm okay, I'm just on vacation so you can stop worrying about me. What's that? You weren't worried about me, you were worried about Aregular? Hmmm. Well fuck you then. Anyhow, vacation is real nice, and it has given me the time and headspace to get away from my computer screen. You should try it sometime! You zombies! It's not that hard, you just go to Maryland to hang out with my family, and there will be so much going on (playing with little nieces and nephews, going on a walk with my mom, just being quiet and reading an actual book for a change) that you won't even miss all your podcasts and forums and periscopes and shit. Speaking of which, what the everloving fuck, internet!? I go away for less than a week and there is all this forum activity, a new Superego, Wet Hot American Summer show, and Forrest MacNiel show!? I am going to be so swamped when I get back from vacation that I am seriously stressing out right now. Finally, happy birthday Sean, I'm sorry I wasn't in your video. I wanted to be in it, and I had such a big awesome idea for what I was going to do. Unfortunately I went over budget on special effects, and a couple of my big guest stars bailed on me at the last minute. Any big plans for the day? Cake I bet. So sick, dude. Take a big chomp on some cake for me.

If there is one thing everyone can agree on, it is that I don't play favorites. That being said, I like Danny Boy Wizard. The rest of you can go eat a box of butts.