Spunky Foonerism

Breaking into a construction site to do Shakespeare is actually pretty badass. Renegade Shakespeare, in the muthafuckin' ROUND!

I'm enjoying being really angry that Duke won the basketball title.

As I see it -- and I'll be the first to admit that I'm no mathematician -- "singer-songwriter" constitutes two threats, so you've got four threats total. Or did you mean that she is a triple threat with multiple permutations: actress/singer-songwriter; actress/singer/pianist; actress/songwriter/pianist; singer-songwriter/pianist. Even if you did mean that, I sort of feel like that makes her four triple-threats.

I never got to see HD as a puppy, but the thought that this is what he must have looked like haunts me constantly. There is such a thing as too cute! Edit: Another good thing about a chow chow puppy is that when he gets bigger you can have your sister make his fur into socks or a cummerbund or whatever.

I'll be able to spit on an Audi driver in about 6 weeks if I can make all the layaway payments on schedule.

Xylocopa varipuncta, probably. It is a gigantic carpenter bee, I'd love to see one some day. Apparently its eggs are the biggest of any insect!

I want Robo-Laura Hall to call in.

Stick around these parts long enough and you will learn what a real mugshot looks like. (I was going to include Zsinjeh, honlads and watchayakan's avatars, which would have made this a funny smart joke, but apparently I'm "not allowed to use that file extension on this community." Bullshit.) Edit: also, this is just how I look. It doesn't matter if I've just committed some crimes, or just not committed any crimes. I have what's known as "resting crime-face." Edit: Here's an old pic of Hurricane Dennis, back when he was at his absolute most groomed. I think it was from Katrina evacuation times. Edit: here's an old picture of me that really does look like a mug shot.

Oddly, the stylist lady seemed to really like my hair how it was, with six months of totally uniform growth all over. She basically thinned it out and shortened it a tiny bit, so it is still pretty shaggy. I think it is like if Julius Caesar's and Justin Bieber's haircuts had a baby. My wife made a cake earlier in the week (chocolate Guinness cake with Baileys Irish whipped cream - so good) and I haven't finished cleaning the baking dishes from that. So pranks but no pranks to an additional cake! Before: And here's what Ross thought of my previous shaggy hairstyle: After:

Ah, I see the confusion. I wind up my clocks once every six months, which is what I was referring to. They wind down after a week or two, but who's got the time to be clock-winding all the time. I've got roaches to catch and hairstyles to acquire. Edit: Holy shit. Harry Styles. I just got the joke.

I feel like in Hollywood it is probly important to have a stylish haircut all the time. I wouldn't mind hearing from Hayes and Sean about their relationship to their stylists and any advice about hair decisions as they pertain to auditions, lunch meetings, casting couch opportunities, red carpets (vs hardwood), and just generally kicking butt in the industry. For me, my job of crawling under peoples' houses looking for cockroaches doesn't really require a great hairstyle*, but I'm angling for a position with SmashingDumpstersTogether.org so a sweet new 'do probly can't hurt. *this is my real job.

I have just had my hair professionally shampooed, and am waiting to receive my first big boy haircut in almost 5 years (since right before my wedding). I do my own haircuts generally - buzzing it all every 6 months like clockwork. This is my surprise gift to my wife, letting her bring me to her stylist to try to make me look less like a hobo. If it turns out well (or hilariously) I will post a photo. Get psyched! Edit: I'm going to ask for The Rachel.

I am a little worried that all the people on here with 1000 posts are actually shadow accounts for Tim Treese #teamtreese.

It's a bit of an exaggeration. I'm more of a general insect expert, I certainly don't specialize on beetles. So I guess that makes it a classic double-April-fools fakeout. I'd love to find a beetle that big, we have some big ones here but not like that. Here's a picture of me, no April-fools'in.

I'm no beetle expert, but either that beetle is big or someone with small hands is holding it.

One time my dad killed my sister in front of me, then almost sliced my arm off while he was beating me with a shovel to make me stop crying. We both stared at it in shock, until he said "...just kidding?" It really broke the tension and we had a good laugh about it at the time, but looking back on it I'm not sure why I thought it was so funny. I think I just laughed because he was laughing and I wanted him to think I was cool. So...pranks but no pranks, dad!

I wanted to share a lifehack I just learned, in case it may benefit some of you. I sort of discovered it by accident, but I think it should work pretty much any time. So what you do is you put on a t-shirt the same way as always, but with one key difference: the shirt needs to be just slightly too small. It seems weird to do that on purpose, I know, but wait till you hear what happens. If you do it right, it will make your muscles feel bigger, and look bigger too. In my case, it was a little problematic since my muscles are already a little too big, but I know that some people want to have bigger ones. Anyway, give it a try, it just might change your life. PS Ladies, I have no way to test this myself, but I feel like it might also work for boobs. If you want to test it out, get back to me and let me know how it goes!

Nice try, Joe!

Podcatst.

I've literally been here for months and haven't recieved the pro version either. Then again, I did have two questions asked in the same episode, which my ego can coast on for awhile still. Then again, it led me to expect that from that day forward they would ONLY be asking my questions and that I had now and forever won the forum. Which has turned out not to be the case. Do Hayes and Sean love me, or just really, really strongly like me? They have me wrapped around their fingers and boy do they know it. Maybe I'll turn the tables on them and become the worlds biggest WolfDen superfan. Edit: Yes I just had a Tuesday afternoon drink, I live in New Orleans and I could drink it in the street if I wanted to! I could throw the bottle at a cop if I wasn't afraid to! It's also super illegal. Judge not, lest ye have stones thrown at YOUR glass house. He who smelt it dealt it. Jesus said that!

Eek, kind of an embarrassing typo, Jacob. If you're trying to use Hollywood lingo to ask whether this episode is successfully "in the can," I believe the word you're looking for is "cannin'."

Hayes is on a secret mission to district 9 to find and rescue Chappie. Also, he was invited by Desmond Tutu and Morgan Freeman to give a seminar on how a rugby team can defeat racism.

Hahaha! Gross!

Dear Ms Hawn, Around these parts we've heard about, but never seen, something called a "Goldie nod." Can you give one of those to Sean or Hayes while the other one describes it for us?

Dear Goldie, Anyone who has worked in Hollywood for as long as you, and had the level of stardom and success that you have, has surely made her fair share of enemies in the business. Who are some of your main enemies and why do you hate them?