Spunky Foonerism

Is that vest made of a basketball practice jersey? I think it is! Is it reversible?

Hmm. Generally I feel that black 'n' white movies equals old-timey and boring, and don't speak to my modern sensibilities, but because its you recommending it I may give it a try.

I was going for that "Louisiana noir" style. Edit: If I'd been away from my computer I might never have learned that Elmore Leonard was born in New Orleans, and we'd all be dumber for it.

Eric Burdon glanced toward the passenger seat. "You sure about this, Mick?" Mick Gallagher flicked his cigarette out into the LA darkness with an evil sneer. "We've been over this a thousand times, Eric, don't be a fraidy-cat. We agreed that ska is the fucking worst, you were even more angry about it than me!" "Yeah, but this is pretty extreme. I'm not sure it's really worth all this." Mick sighed. "It's too late to back out now, so we do it like we planned. You pour the gasoline, I'll light it, then we head into the park with our bags and go camping. It's a foolproof alibi." The muffled screams of Robert "Bucket" Hingley were barely audible from the trunk.

Oh thank god I was totally bluffing! That's a good start, but keep them coming. You're all not off the hook yet!

BORING! I'm bored! If you all don't be more entertaining, and quick, I swear I'll go out and make friends in real life. I'm totally not bluffing here, so post more funny stuff. NOT BLUFFING! Edit: I'm setting a time limit of three refreshes, and if nothing funny has been posted I am putting my computer down and doing something else. I don't make idle threats, so please take this very seriously.

I'm going to give every international woman I know a high five today! (The rest of you, just keep your shirts on and wait until National Women's Day for your high five. Not everything has to be about you all the time.)

Brgrho told his barberman, "Give me a shot of those good good hairs, straight to the dome!"

I was shopping for cheese at my local food mart when a magazine cover caught my eye. Kumail, what was the best interview question they asked you, and also, what was your answer?

Dear Kumail, As a married man, I'm sure you can sympathize with my tale -- this morning I called my wife "bro" and she got super pissed at me. Why bitches be so crazy?

Dear Kumail, An expression that gets used a lot on podcasts is "inside baseball." What the eff does that even mean? And before you try to bullshit me, I'll tell you that I've cut open a baseball and it's just a bunch of strings. PS What is the difference between baseballs and crickets?

I started laughing out loud before I even hit play. Now I'm afraid to hit play because I'm afraid it won't live up to the high level of the thumbnail screen. I'm not going to hit play.

You do you, JMonsterFace! Even if that means occasionally not doing you and doing Sean and Hayes instead. But everything is best in moderation. Except Friday night beers. MOTHAFUCKA!!!

Probably some small college in Boston that nobody's heard of. Yeah RIGHT! Stop humblebragging Hayes and your friend, you're talking about Harvard, and everybody here knows it! Edit: I have lots of friends who are friends with Hayes, and who go grab drinks with him and Sean after a show, and their names are Tim and Anastasia and Marshall (who is a girl -- long story) and etc! Edit: I'm sorry I overreacted! Your friend sounds great, and would probably be a funny and smart and good guest! Edit: It's Friday night, and it's not a crime to be drinking on a Friday night! I'm sorry I overreacted before! Edit: I'm not sorry!

Tim, I think he's got you over a barrel. You should accept before his terms become more unreasonable!

Please, I been using Photoshop since back when it used to be entirely text-based! (That's a little joke for all my fellow old people.) Edit: Seriously though, whenever Joe McGurl is ready to pass the torch, I'll be here. I'm working on this new idea where I take a famous celebrity's head and mash it onto the body of a totally naked person.

It's hard to find a good picture of a pig in a director's chair. Also, I don't know if your personality is an exact match to your username, but I like my chances! Edit: I first thought that your personality could be like the initialism of your username, but decided against it. Though I've heard rumors that you did spend several months as the #1 US single.

I like my avatars like I like my forum posters - white and broken in a corner!

I played on a pretty serious club sports team in college (yes it was ultimate frisbee, why do you ask?), and we pulled a lot of mindlessly terrible and dubiously hilarious pranks. To us, the term "beef over" meant to cover something with raw hamburger meat. As in, "Hey, there's the Hopkins team's van, lets beef it over." We literally did this. A LOT of times. Edit: when we finally got our first coach, we welcomed him to the team by beefing over his car at a tournament. He laughed about it, removed the meat, and went camping that night. He woke up to the sight of feral dogs standing on top of his car licking the beef residue. He then discovered the horrible claw-marks around the muffler area, because he hadn't found the beef we put on top of his muffler but the wild animals sure did. It was very funny, so I'd say it was a huge success, notwithstanding the cost of having his car repainted. Edit: Before you hippies start giving me grief about it, I'll have you know I've been vegetarian since 1997! I would never beef over anyone at this point in my life, though I'm not above hiding carrot sticks in the radiator grill.

Asterisks are just part of nature's beauty.

Sorry, fixed it.

That's a buffoon's stance. You can go do a goon's dance wearing baboon pants. Edit: I was unaware when I wrote it, but this is a real thing.

Ah, so "objectively bad" is the new "painful and obligatory." (i.e. good, smart, funny and nice)

I like how it refers to us as "viewers." It's like Tim is knowing that when I am listening to the podcast I am also using my mind to be picturing Sean and Hayes asking questions to their guest. I am a viewer, Tim, and you instinctively knew that about me.